Cruel Cruel World
by xoxoRuflyGirl
Summary: Kelly sufferers from a broken heart from being rejected by Matthew. Matthew suffers from an alcohol addiction. When all goes wrong, Kelly is the only one who can help him. But how far will she go to help the man who rejected her? All songs in my story are by the brilliant and talented Darren Hayes; including the title of this story.
1. Unlovable

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Prologue: Unlovable**_

Are my lips unkissable?

Are my eyes unlookable?

Is my skin untouchable?

Am I unlovable?

_Miss you too!_ Kisses to you both! ;-)

Kelly clicked the button to send her tweet out, then looked at the picture of Penn and Matthew again that Matthew had tweeted her with his message that he missed her. She shook her head. She honestly didn't know what to think when it came to him anymore. Part of her was touched that he even bothered to tweet her. Another part of her was just annoyed.

For a few months, ever since she had broken it off with Marcus earlier in the year, she and Matthew had gotten close. In fact, she had been pretty sure they were about to become a couple, and had just been taking it slow.

Neither one of them wanted to ruin the friendship, and she _had_ just gotten out of a relationship. Still, even though they weren't officially a couple yet, it felt like they were.

It had all started around Valentine's Day when they tweet flirted with each other. Well, they always tweet flirted, but even more so starting then. Then they went to the Nanette Lepore fashion show the day after Valentine's Day. It had been such a fun day. They talked, and joked, and she even put his hat on at one point.

Kelly smiled sadly as she remembered his words to her.

_"You know, you look kind of cute in my hat_. _You should wear my clothes more often!" He realized how it had sounded the moment he said it. He blushed._

_ Kelly laughed. "Maybe I should!" she said with a wink._

_ He blushed even more, but a huge grin was on his face. They posed for pictures then without another word on the subject, and she promptly returned the hat to him after the pictures. Still, they were both still smiling._

They had seen each other briefly once or twice after that. They had walked to get ice cream together a couple times. After that, she had gone to Bermuda for a quick vacation with her mother, and she and Matthew didn't get to talk much.

They reconnected after she got back, and they made plans to go to the To Scotland With Love event. That night had proved to be interesting in deed.

She didn't remember who had come up with the idea first, but they decided to kiss on stage. People in the show tended to put on some kind of skit to go with the modeling of their outfits, so they decided to play with the fans a little, and kiss. They both knew it's what all the fans wanted.

_"I suppose this is our way of giving back to the fans a little, huh?" Kelly joked._

_Matthew chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose it is."_

_ So, together they can come up with a little skit where Matthew would be messing around in his kilt, acting like he was hot stuff. She would come over, slap him across the head, and then escort him down the aisle, where they would proceed to kiss._

_Deep down, at least for her, it was a safe way of testing the waters to see what it was like to kiss him outside of Lily and Rufus. Sure, they acted like it was all for show, and sure, technically it was. However, she had enjoyed kissing him—really kissing him—without necessarily having to commit to anything. She was pretty sure he had felt the same way. If one of them didn't feel the same way about the other, it didn't matter because they could use the "just for show" excuse. It didn't have to mean anything, even though it secretly did to Kelly. She knew deep down it meant a lot to him as well._

_ They had laughed about the kiss, but she could feel it in his kiss, it meant more to him than just pretending. She felt the same way. Even so, they just laughed about it. After all, Caroline was with them, and they weren't exactly broadcasting their relationship to her. Especially when neither of them had any idea what their "relationship" meant exactly._

_ However, when they went to an after party afterwards, Kelly didn't know if it was just her imagination or what, but things seemed to have changed between them. Just like that, they seemed more like a couple. They goofed around on the couch, pretending to dance for the cameras. Then, at one point, she laid her head on his lap, and looked up at him. The way he placed his hand over her made her feel like she was his and his alone. It was only for a minute or two, and then they were off the couch, and enjoying the party. Still, it made her feel loved, and she found herself falling in love with the idea of them maybe being a couple. Who knew? Maybe the fans actually knew what they were talking about. Matthew was incredibly handsome, and she was nothing but happy when with him. She sighed dreamily. Again, who knew?_

_ At the end of the night, they said their goodbyes to Caroline, and after Caroline left, Matthew said he had to be somewhere. He didn't say where, but they kissed each other's cheeks, and bid their farewells. Matthew promised he'd call her in the morning, and he had._

_ "I was wondering, I don't know if you' were ever into the movie at all, but the opening night of _Ghost_ on Broadway opens up on the twenty-third. Would you like to go with me?" Matthew asked her._

_ Kelly smiled, feeling her heart pound. "I'd love to." She didn't know what was wrong with her, but she was starting to feel like a teenager on her first date. She was never like this with Matthew, but something had changed since the night of the Scotland event. She really was starting to develop feelings for him, and she was pretty sure he was developing feelings for her as well._

_ "Great! Maybe we can even get dinner beforehand, and make a night out of it," he suggested._

_ "It's a date!" she said._

_ He laughed. "Yeah, I guess it is."_

_ She felt the butterflies in her stomach, and already had a shopping day planned to shop for something to wear that night. "So, what are you doing today? Wanna do lunch?"_

_ "I can't. I have some work to do on a new project I'm coming up with. You know I'd love to if I didn't already have plans," he said, sounding quite sincere._

_ "New project? What project?" Kelly asked, unable to stop the smile from her face._

_ "It's called lightt. It's in the beginning stages, but my team and I are hoping to make it into an iphone app eventually," he answered. "You can record videos, then upload them to it. There is no sound, and they flash practically at the speed of light, hence the name. It's so you can show people what you want to show them without the all that time of them having to watch a half hour or so of recordings. It's in the beta right now, but we're getting there."_

_ "So you have your own team, do you?" Kelly smirked. "Like who?"_

_ He paused for just a moment. "Well, there is my friend Maria. She is from Argentina. She came to New York, and was looking for a job while I was looking for an intern. She knows her stuff when it comes to all the technical stuff I need help with. I hired her on. She and I kind of hit it off, and we work well together. We're becoming quick friends."_

_ Kelly wasn't sure how to feel about this, but she didn't want to discourage him about a project he was clearly excited about. "Well, that sounds fun! You'll have to keep me updated on it."_

_ "I will for sure. So, I'll see you on the twenty-third then. I'll be looking forward to it," Matthew said. _

_ "Me too, but that's twenty days away. You don't want to get together sooner than that?" Kelly asked, only half joking._

_ Matthew laughed. "Ah, true. We'll get together sooner than that. I promise, my Darling."_

_ "Have a good day, my Darling," Kelly said, inspired by his calling her Darling. He had started calling her that when they flirted around Valentine's Day, and she kind of loved it._

_ "You two, Darling," he said._

_ They both giggled._

_ They said their goodbyes, and that was that._

My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication...

In case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you.

If I sound angry, bitter, sad, infatuated, it's the truth.

_ They went for ice cream again on the sixteenth. They also went to an event together on the nineteenth that was love themed. Matthew had treated her like a perfect gentleman treated his lady. Kelly hung with him the whole event. She felt herself falling harder by the moment. She couldn't help but tweet pics of the event, putting the word "love" on all the captions. Things were going so well. Kelly felt herself falling quickly in love with him. She knew they should talk about it. She needed to know if he felt the same way about her as she felt about him. She decided that she would talk to him about it over dinner when they went to _Ghost.

_However, the night before_ Ghost_, Matthew bailed on her by way of text._

"Hey, Kel, I've been busier with Lightt than I imagined I'd be. Would you mind if I cancelled out plans for tomorrow? I need to work on some things. It's becoming very time consuming."

_Kelly felt her heart sink as she read his text. She had gone out and gotten a beautiful red dress for the occasion. She had been looking forward to wearing it for him, and having their little talk about where their relationship was going. She sighed. She guessed there was always time for that later. She quickly texted him to tell him it was fine. _

_ "_Are you sure you don't mind? I suppose I could go if you were really looking forward to it,"_ he texted back. _

_ Kelly was tempted to ask him to go. But, if he was busy, he was busy. She didn't want him holding a grudge against her for keeping him at dinner and the play when he'd rather be working._

"It's okay. I understand. Don't work too hard. -K"

_He texted her right back. _"You're the best, Kel. I'll see you Tuesday night! I promise not to bail this time! Love, Matt."

_Kelly smiled to herself. He signed it with 'Love.' She chuckled at herself. What a teenager she was turning out to be when it came to him! She quickly texted back. "_I'm looking forward to it!"_ They were going to the Practical Magic Event Tuesday night. She was glad he hadn't bailed on that too._

"Me too!"_ he texted, then that was that._

_ That night, Matthew sent her a video of himself with a car full of young girls in the back seat of a car, and a girl who looked to be in her twenties beside him, driving. They were all singing Selena Gomez's "Love Song." _

_ "_Even the dog is a girl! Lol, I'm surrounded!_" He captioned it. There was a pug in his lap._

_ "He doesn't look all_ that _busy with work_!" _she muttered to herself. She couldn't help but wonder who the girls in the car with him were. She didn't really know how to respond to that, so she ignored it. It was late, and she was tired. She'd think about a response in the morning._

_ However, come the next morning, he had deleted his tweet to her, so she had decided to just let it go. It must not have been that important, she figured. Even so, that night, when it was around the time she would have been at the play with Matthew, it left a bad taste in her mouth. She wondered if he really _was_ "working hard," or if he was singing stupid songs with random girls again._

_ She felt a little better the next night at the Practical Magic event. He was a little not himself at first, but later in the night he snapped out of it, and they had a great time together. He had cut out right after the event though. He said he had some more work to do with Maria. She was beginning to not like this "Maria" person. It was late. What kind of work could he possibly be doing with her? _

_ "Was Maria in that video you sent me on Twitter?" she asked before he left. She hadn't wanted to bring it up, but her curiosity was getting the best of her. _

_ Matthew blushed. "You saw that?"_

_ Kelly nodded. "Why did you delete it?"_

_ "I watched it later, and realized it was kind of silly. I mainly did it for Aven," he admitted. Aven, of course, was his daughter._

_ "Then why'd you send it to _me_?" Kelly asked, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion._

_ He shrugged. "I thought you might like it too, then I changed my mind._

_ "You didn't answer my question. Is Maria in it?" Kelly then asked again. She had gotten this far. Why let it go now? she figured._

_ "Yeah. She was directly behind me. Why?" Matthew asked, looking confused himself._

_ Kelly shrugged, "No reason. Just curious."_

_ When she got home, she did a little investigating. She went into her history, and was able to bring the video up again, despite Matthew having deleted the tweet. She re-watched the video, this time looking at the one who was supposed to be Maria._

_ Boy was she surprised. The girl looked twelve! In fact, the first time watching it, Kelly had thought they were all kids in the back—including Maria. And here she had thought the one beside him was Maria. _

_ She sighed, and closed out the window. She wasn't even going to ask who they all were. She didn't know what it was with Matthew and young girls, but it was unsettling—no pun intended._

_ They Twitter flirted, and things were semi back to normal between them after that. But Matthew was working on something or other in San Francisco, and she didn't get to see or talk to him much then._

_ The father of her children was currently living in France, so she had to go down for a couple weeks to be with them. She asked Matthew if he would join her. She hadn't thought he'd actually say yes. She wanted him to. It was just one of those spur of the moment things, asking him. She figured they'd just joke about it, and mess with the fans' heads as usual. It was a thing they both liked to do—get the fans going. It entertained them both to do so._

_ Boy was she surprised when he agreed to it! He even joked about her leaving the key under the mat. Some of his tweets to fans even implied he was going to be sleeping with her when he got there._

_ She felt her heart pounding hard again, and the butterflies came back to her stomach. Maybe he really _did_ feel the same way for her as she felt about him after all!_

_ She went to France with high hopes. Little did she know, the trip wasn't going to go quite as she imagined it would. _

I had your back, I held you up, I told you you were good enough.

It was not reciprocated, you kept affection and yourself apart.

You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park.

_He did not meet her for the first few days, for he was still busy in San Francisco. She went to a few events by herself, but still had a good time, for she knew Matthew would soon be joining her. _

_ He finally arrived. She was so happy to finally be with him again! They embraced, and kissed each other's cheeks—both cheeks in honor of being in France._

_ They hung out for a brief bit at the hotel, then went shopping together at a nearby shop. _

_ "You know our fans are gonna want pictures, don't you?" he asked with a grin._

_ Kelly grinned. "As do I." She winked._

_ "Well, then let's get some!" he said._

_ "Don't you want to relax a bit first?" she asked with a giggle._

_ He shook his head. "We can at least get them now. I'll probably wait to post them. You know, keep them guessing if I'm here yet or not." He winked._

_ Kelly laughed._

_ "Besides, you look so beautiful. I want to capture it!" he then added._

_ Kelly blushed. "You're just saying that. I'm not even dressed up."_

_ He gently stroked her cheek. "You're always beautiful to me, Kel. It's impossible for you to have an off day."_

_ Kelly smiled, feeling the butterflies start to flutter again. She also blushed. "You'd be surprised. Actually, you look quite handsome too. I've never seen you on an off day either. I mean, you just got off a plane, and still look handsome and stylish as ever."_

_ "I do try," Matthew teased with wink._

_ They then posed for a couple of photos. For one, she hugged him from behind on the balcony as they looked out at the beautiful view together. In another, she rested her head on his shoulder, and they smiled at the camera._

_ They then hung out together with Kelly's kids, and they had dinner together with the nanny. To Kelly, it felt very much like being a family. She wondered what had taken her so long to realize how perfect she and Matthew would be together. She decided that she would talk to him tomorrow night at the event they were going to for the Cannes Film Festival._

_ So, when the night came, she got all dressed up, and he got dressed up as well of course. _

_ "We look hot together!" she said, testing the waters._

_ He grinned, and adjusted his tie as he looked at their reflections in the mirror. "We do, don't we? Just like Rufus and Lily."_

_ She kissed his cheek. "I think we're _hotter_ than Rufus and Lily."_

_ "Totally!" he said._

_ They both laughed._

_ Shortly after, they got into a car, and a driver took them to the event. _

_ She took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. She figured now would be a good time to talk to him about the whole more than friends thing. She was sure he wanted it to. She didn't know why she was so nervous. They had been friends for years. She had nothing to be nervous over, she knew. She took one more deep breath and slowly let it out, then was about to start to bring up the subject of them being more than just friends, but he spoke before she could._

_ "I know Maria will be interested in seeing video clips from our trip! I'm gonna put it on her and my site."_

_ Kelly looked at him. "Lightt?"_

_ He nodded. _

_ She looked away. "I thought it was just yours."_

_ "Well, she helped so much, I feel it's hers too," he admitted._

_ She looked at him again. "You sure seem to be spending a lot of time with her lately."_

_ He blushed. "I have a lot of fun with her. We worked so closely together on this project, and quickly became friends. I don't know. When I get back to New York, I'm thinking she and I are going to become more than friends even. She and I just laugh together, and have so much fun! She makes me feel so young again."_

_ "Probably because she's still practically a kid herself!" Kelly couldn't help but quip._

_ "She's an adult. She's well out of her teens, and will be out of her twenties in a few years. She's twenty seven. Besides, I'm a kid too, so it works well." He laughed, not seeming to get that she was upset._

You're supposed to stop acting like a kid once you_ have _a kid._ So badly she wanted to say it, but she kept her mouth shut. True, everyone should have a little bit of kid in them. After all, it's how you connect with your children. But this dating girls technically young enough to be his daughter was just gross. It wasn't the kind of "kid at heart" one should be. She knew he was a big partier too. He got drunk a lot. He was always a gentlemen with her, but she had heard stories—some from Matthew himself even—about his wild nights at the club. You needed to be mature to take care of a child, and though Kelly didn't doubt for one second that Matthew was an excellent father, she couldn't help but think he needed to grow up a little for both his sake _and_ Aven's. _

_ "So, you're serious about her already?" she asked next, looking at him again._

_ He shrugged. "If by serious, you mean, do I want to make her my girlfriend, then yes. She's so fantastic with Aven. They hit it off right away. And we love a lot of the same things. We like going the same places, and doing the same things."_

She's good with Aven because she's close to her age_, Kelly thought to herself. _Anyone who loves kids would be good to Aven. _She sighed. Well, so much for her "talk" with Matthew. She had been dumb to think that he would settle down with her. She wasn't his type. She was a woman, and he wanted a girl. She supposed he needed to be a father figure. A lot of guys went through that. Some stayed in the phase longer than others. Matthew was apparently, one of those guys. And here she thought he got past it after he and Leyla broke up. Apparently, she was wrong._

_ "We have fun together too, don't we?" Kelly asked. "And I'm not so bad with Aven, am I?" _

_ Matthew grinned at her. "Of course! You and I _always_ have fun together. And, not that you get to see Aven much, but you're great with her, sure! Aven really likes you." He smiled, then went to film something out the window. "This will be a great shot to show Maria, and put on Lightt!"_

_ Again, Kelly sighed. She surfed the Web on her iphone, trying to occupy her mind. She guessed she couldn't be angry with him, as much as she wanted to be. It's not like he ever said that he had feelings for her that were anything other than friendship. Even so, Kelly was sure that he must have felt the same way about her as she did about him at some point at least. Apparently, not anymore. _

_ She wasn't going to let it ruin their trip though. She would pretend like nothing had happened, and they would have fun. And, who knew? Maybe after this trip, he'd change his mind, and realize it was her he wanted—not Maria. And, if not, she didn't want to lose their friendship over this. At least she had found out now, before she had fallen too deep. Even so, she had still fallen a little deeper than she wished to, for deep down, it still kind of hurt that he wanted to be with another girl. Especially one technically young enough to be his daughter._

Sometimes I think you're satisfied to see me begging like a dog.

I wasn't armored, you were king, I gave my everything.

_They smiled pretty for the cameras. Matthew held her shawl for her, and kept an arm around her waist. She placed her hand overtop of his, and they talked with reporters, acting flirty with each other. Kelly didn't know why Matthew was so into playing like they were a couple for the cameras. What was the point if he didn't want her like that? He always said it was for the fans' sakes, but enough was enough. Still, she hated herself for it, but she couldn't turn her feelings off for him just because they weren't reciprocated, so she went along with it, and had fun with it as well. _

_ At one point, the photographers even asked them to kiss. They were both a little hesitant, but neither one of them really knew how to say no, what with all the flirting they had been doing. They didn't want to look like liars. Though, Kelly suddenly felt like a liar. All this acting "so in love," it was all a joke. She guessed, deep down she always knew it was. Still, another part of her had hoped that secretly, there was maybe more to it. Honestly, For not having feelings for her, Matthew sure enjoyed joking a lot about them being a couple. _

_ She figured that maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought she did. After all, she had read him wrong. So very wrong._

_ The kiss was awkward to say the least. She could tell he wasn't into the kiss, and frankly, after this Maria stuff, she wasn't exactly into it either. She gently pat his shoulder as if to tell him it would be all right. The reporters had them kiss more than once. It was beyond awkward, but she figured they played it up well enough. After their last kiss, they both put on big smiles, and she waved to the crowd before she let Matthew lead her up the stairs, her hand in his. _

_ They both let go of each other's hand once they were at the top of the stairs and away from the crowds and most cameras. Things seemed to have suddenly changed between them, and she had a feeling she wasn't the one only of them that knew it._

_ They did manage to have fun that night. They went to a club, and had a blast. She signed autographs, and they posed for pictures, and Matthew did act loving toward her again. She even kissed his cheek when he video taped them on his iphone._

Take that, Maria!_ she had thought. She didn't want to hate Maria. Still, she couldn't exactly find it in her to like Maria either._

_ The next morning, she woke up to Matthew having already left to sightsee. She bet he wouldn't have left Maria if he was with her. _

_ She didn't let it get to her though. She spent the day with her children and the nanny, and met back up with Matthew in the evening. He had tweeted her a few things throughout the day, but she still couldn't help but be secretly hurt that he hadn't even bothered to wait for her. Especially since they only had a few days together. It ended up not even being the only night he took off without her. She was tired that night, and wanted to stay home with the kids. He wanted to party, so he took off to a club, dragging her nanny slash friend along with him. Again, she was hurt. _

_ Those few days together went fast. They went to St. Tropez, and walked along the harbor. She clung onto his arm. Hey, if she couldn't have him, she could at least pretend to._

_ He tweeted the pictures of them finally, getting flirty with them in the process._

_ It was sad when he had to leave for the wedding in Rome. _

_ They had kissed each other's cheeks goodbye, and promised to keep in touch. Then, he was gone. She supposed there was one good thing about him leaving. At least now, she could start at least trying to kick her romantic feelings for him to the curb, and go back to enjoying simply being his friend. It shouldn't be too hard, she figured. After all, they had never been technically dating._

_ His tweet to her a few days later saying that he wished she was there, didn't help much. He continued to tweet and text flirt with her. He even talked to her on the phone. It was as if he had no idea at all that she had fallen for him._

_ They got together once when she got back. He had asked her to go to lunch with him, his friend from San Francisco who was visiting, and Maria. _

_ Kelly hadn't wanted to go, but her curiosity over Maria had won out, so instead of turning him down, she had agreed to it._

_ His friend from San Francisco, Joe, wasn't unkind. He just wasn't overly friendly to her. As for Maria, well, was nice enough too, but Kelly could sense something was a little off. Like Joe, Maria didn't seem overly friendly. She was as friendly as she needed to be, and no more. Maria wasn't rude. It was more like she seemed to be pretending Kelly wasn't there, only acknowledging Kelly when she had to, and being polite when she did have to acknowledge her. Kelly acted the same way toward her in return. _

_ A few days after, they went to lunch, just her and Matthew, and even went back to the shop they had visited before, but then they bid ado right after the shop._

_ After that, Kelly didn't see much of Matthew. It seemed he was always in California with Maria, doing something or another with Joe and other friends. _

_ Kelly went back to France to be with her kids after a couple weeks. Matthew had told a fan that he was going to meet her there, but Kelly knew it wasn't going to happen. In St. Tropez, he had only said a passing "Maybe I'll join you when you come back." She had agreed that would be nice, but then he had never mentioned it again. She figured that once Maria had agreed to be his girlfriend, he had no reason to be going back to France._

_ They hadn't talked much after that. They had filmed together only once, and Matthew was really late. He brought Maria with him when he finally arrived, and Kelly had no doubt that he and Maria had probably been screwing, causing him to be late. Her stomach churned at the thought. _

_ Matthew kissed Kelly's cheek for a picture, because Kelly had promised the fans a picture. She didn't even know why she bothered anymore._

_ He in turn posted a picture of them from St. Tropez, asking her when they were going to go back. She ignored that tweet. It was ridiculous. He had the chance to go with her again, and he didn't. She was beginning to think he was just using her now to throw the fans off the trail of him and Maria. He was probably too stupid to realize the fans knew about his lightt sight, and watched all the sickening videos he posted of Maria anyway._

_ However, though she was annoyed with him, she still had her days of missing him. She wished they could at least start hanging out as friends again like they used to. It seemed, nowadays, he was too busy hanging out with Maria to bother with her. _

_ She looked back on her old favorite tweets, and saw one where he asked her to join him for drinks at their favorite bar. She re-tweeted it just to see how he'd react. He responded with a "Miss You too!"_

_ "You'd do something if you really did. You don't seem to miss me enough to pry yourself away from Maria for two seconds," she grumbled to herself._

_ They still tweeted each other once in a rare while, but it was just meaningless "I miss you's shared between them. She was busy in LA with her family, and then in France with her kids, and well, he was busy with Maria. He made sure to post videos of her every day. He followed her around like a sick puppy. He even taped her fencing in her sports bra, and dancing in her underwear while brushing her teeth. The girl had no class. Sure it was okay to have a little fun in private, but not for the public. _

_ It made Kelly sick. She knew they were sleeping together, but she preferred to be in denial. Matthew probably _wanted _people to know he was sleeping with Maria. He probably got a kick out of it, she figured. It made her positively sick. She was just now starting to lose any romantic feelings she had for him, but it didn't mean she was ready to see the garbage he posted on his lightt. And it still made her slightly nauseous when she saw him kiss Maria in a club, no matter _how_ quick it was. And, she was pretty sure see saw Maria lick his cheek at one point. Disgusting! _

_ But, there was nothing she could do about it. Kelly knew that even if she still wanted him, Matthew didn't want her in that way. It was fine though. Frankly, she didn't need a man to be happy—not even Matthew. All she needed was her family, which she had, so she was good._

Kelly shut out of Twitter, and headed to go play with her kids. She loved Matthew, she really did. Still, she was beginning to think he was no longer the guy she thought he was. Heck, maybe he never really had been.

Because sometimes you showed me just a hint of you,

and then, for just a moment, I romanticized the notion

I can take away the torment. I can love you like they never did.


	2. I Miss You

_Happy Birthday to my good friend Roos today, and my good friend Netti, who has her birthday tomorrow. You guys are amazing, and I am lucky to have you both as friends!_

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 1: I Miss You**_

Gimme a reason why I'm feeling so blue.

Every time I close my eyes, all I see is you.

It was now the second week in August. Kelly hadn't seen Matthew in weeks. She missed him. The only contact they had had were a few tweets here and there, but even those weren't anything major. Even so, she was keeping her guard. She was just starting to get over her feelings for him, and even those were hard to keep at bay. Though, it had been a little easier with him out of sight.

It did make her feel good that he was at least attempting to show that he still cared about her. She didn't take it as him caring about her romantically. She knew better now. However, she did take it as him caring for as a person and a friend still, which made her feel good. For a while there, she had been beginning to think that he didn't even care about her as a friend.

It also helped that he had stopped posting the lightt videos. She knew he could start posting them again any day now, but she was still grateful for the break. Even though she told herself she was over her romantic feelings for him, seeing him with Maria still hurt. She was glad that he was keeping that part of his life private, even if it was only temporary. She wished it could be permanent, but it almost seemed too much to ask.

Anyway, she was eager to see him again. They were filming together that day, and she just felt really good about it. If anything, she hoped this would bring them close again as far as the friendship department went. As for being more than friends, well, she wasn't holding her breath anymore.

Even so, she made sure she looked her best before heading out to the studio. She looked at herself in her full length mirror. She was wearing white Capris cropped just below her knees, her Navajo sandals, and her red split-sleeve top by C&C. Her hair was pinned back, for it was way too hot to keep her hair down.

Once she was satisfied with her look, she grabbed her purse, and headed out. She hoped two things would happen. One, that Matthew would arrive at the studio _without_ Maria, and two, that Matthew had missed her as much as she had missed him. She guessed she would just have to wait and see.

Because I miss you, and this is all I wanna say.

I guess I miss you, Beautiful.

These three words have said it all.

When she got to the studio, she didn't see Matthew. She sighed. _He's probably off screwing Maria somewhere,_ she thought bitterly. She didn't know why she disliked Maria so much, but she did. Though, she didn't hate her as much as she hated the situation, and no, by "the situation," she did not mean from _Jersey Shore_.

With a sigh, she sat down in her trailer to go over her lines. She didn't have many lines with Matthew today. Just a few where Lily was as usual telling him off for some reason or another. At first she had liked the shake up. Now, she found herself just wanting Rufus and Lily to make up. That way, she'd at least have _some_ kind of closeness with Matthew. Clearly there had been a lack of closeness between them in real life lately.

She got up, and cranked the AC temperature lower. It said it was sixty-five in there, but it sure didn't feel like it. She wondered if it was broken.

Before she could go ask someone about it, she heard a knock on her trailer door.

"Maybe it _is_ broken, and that's the repair guy now," she said to herself with hope.

She headed to the door, and opened it up. She smiled when she saw Matthew standing there—sans Maria.

She squealed, and embraced him, practically jumping into his arms. "I missed you!" She was a little bit embarrassed at her reaction, but she couldn't help it. She guessed she had missed him more than she had thought.

He held her for a bit, gently rubbing her back. He buried his face in her neck. "I missed you too, Kel. more than you know."

She held him at arms length, and looked him in the eyes. "I've been away so often, and whenever I'm home, you're always busy with Maria." She kissed his cheek despite herself. Part of it was to help stop the annoyance before it consumed her, and part of it was just because she had missed being affectionate with him. _You don't have time for me anymore. Actually, you don't care enough to _make_ time for me anymore._ It's what she really wanted to say, but she knew she couldn't. There was no point in bringing up something that wouldn't only bring hard feelings between them. Their relationship wasn't in the greatest shape as it was now. There was no use in adding to the rockiness of it.

He kissed her cheek in return. "Yeah, we're always on the go."

Kelly wasn't sure if he meant him and her, or him and Maria. She didn't bother to ask. She released him from her grip, and looked him up and down. He was wearing khaki shorts that went just below his knees, and a Cobalt blue Polo shirt. On his feet were brown loafers. "You look good! It's sure hot out today, isn't it? It doesn't even seem cool in here!"

He grinned. "Of course it's hot in here because _you're_ in here!" He winked at her.

She blushed. There he went again, flirting with her as if he actually meant it. "Well, I know you don't mean a lick of that, but thank you for saying it anyway," she said, giving him a smirk, and a slight shake of her head.

He stepped into her trailer. "Of course I mean, it Kel! I wouldn't say it if I didn't." He plopped himself down onto the couch. "Woo! It _is_ hot in here."

Kelly nodded. "See? I think the air conditioner's broke. I'll have to ask someone to call the repairman."

Matthew stood back up. "Let's go hang out at my trailer till they call us to film. It's probably cooler than here. I haven't been in it yet, but what are the chances of both air conditioners being broken?"

Kelly snorted. "With our luck, pretty good, I'd say."

Matthew laughed. "True."

They headed over to his trailer anyway, which was right next door to hers.

"Ah yes, this is much better," Matthew said as they entered his trailer.

"Gosh, yes!" Kelly said. She plopped herself down onto the couch, and sighed with contentment. She threw her head back. "It feels so good in here!"

"It sure does." Matthew sat down beside her. "So, let's catch up! Tell me. How are things?"

Kelly looked at him, and sighed. "They're all right. I'm getting tired of flying to France every few weeks though. I wish I had a different judge. I don't know how she lets that ass take my children, and keep them in France. I was so stupid for marrying him to begin with. He had me fooled. It's just so tiring to fly back and forth! Just when I get over my jet lag, it's soon time to either leave France, or leave New York. I don't know how much more of this I can take. It was supposed to be only until this month, now it might be the beginning of next year. I'm ready to scream."

"Or kill him," Matthew joked with a wink, and a sympathetic smile.

She laughed. "Don't I wish!"

"You could arrange for a little unfortunate accident to happen to him," Matthew continued to joke.

"A little arsenic in his coffee maybe," Kelly played along. "It's untraceable you know." She winked.

Matthew grinned, and moved his body so that he was facing her. "I like it, I like it! It's neat and tidy. But after what he's doing to you, wouldn't you want to see him suffer just a bit?" he asked, an eyebrow raised. "Besides, the police might ask questions why he just up and died from drinking coffee."

"True. I could cut his breaks, then rig his GPS to send him to a cliff. The car would be totaled and burned right along with him. No one would have any proof there was foul play," Kelly suggested.

Matthew nodded, and moved closer to her on the couch. "I know you'd hate to have to wait that long, but if you wait until it gets cold and icy in France, then it would look even more like an accident. It was so icy, he simply lost control on an icy patch of road, and fell off the cliff!"

Kelly nodded. "Yeah, I suppose it would be worth the wait if it ends up being less suspicious. I'll have my kids back with me by then anyway, so it won't look as bad."

"So, that's the plan then. You won't be able to carry it out yourself. You'll need help. I know a guy who is good with electronics and computers. He can take care of the GPS part of it, or at least show me how to," Matthew said, his tone serious.

Kelly nodded. Her eyes fixed on Matthew's. "It's a plan then! I say late January should do. It should be icy by then, and I'll have my children back by then as well."

Matthew nodded, his eyes locked with Kelly's. "Late January it is."

They stared at each other for a moment, their eyes still locked on each other's, and their faces straight. Then, Matthew's face cracked a bit. That was all Kelly needed to lose her demure as well.

They both burst into laughter.

"If anyone ever heard us, they'd have us locked up for sure!" Matthew said.

Kelly nodded. She rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it! You know, if Daniel overheard us, even though he'd know we were both joking, he'd throw a fit, and convince the judge that I have murderous tendencies, and that it is in the best interest of the children if he were to maintain full custody."

Matthew nodded. "You're probably right. He really is an ass, isn't he?"

Kelly nodded. "Like you wouldn't believe! Like I said, I was an idiot to ever get involved with him."

"Well, if you hadn't, you wouldn't have Hermés or Helena," Matthew reasoned.

Kelly sighed. "True. At least _one_ good thing came out of his and my relationship so that it wasn't a _total_ loss."

Suddenly, there was a knock on Matthew's trailer door. "Matthew, you're needed in wardrobe!" came a girl from security's voice.

"All right. I'll be right there," he called back.

"Have you seen Kelly? She's needed in wardrobe as well," the girl then asked.

"Yeah, she's here with me. We'll both be right there," Matthew answered.

"Okay," the girl said before leaving.

Kelly sighed. She had been enjoying her time alone with Matthew. Oh well. They were there to work, so she couldn't really complain.

Matthew stood up, and offered his hand to her. "Shall we go, my Darling?"

She grinned, and took his offered hand. "Why, yes, we shall, my Darling!" She laughed, and let him help her up. She ignored the tingling sensation in her hand from where his hand touched hers. She let go of his hand. She would _not_ allow herself to go there again. She wouldn't! There was no point in it. He clearly wasn't interested in her. If he was, he wouldn't be with Maria.

"At least we have a few lines together today," he stated as they headed out of his trailer.

"Yeah, but we're always bitching at each other. I think it's time Rufus and Lily made up," Kelly replied.

Matthew nodded. "I think so too. I say they go out with a bang." He wriggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively at her, and grinned. "Get it? A _bang_ as in—"

Kelly cut him off. "I get it!" She laughed. "You're such a nut!"

"But that's what you love about me—admit it!" he said with a proud grin.

Kelly sighed. "I hate to admit it, but it is."

"I _knew_ it!" Matthew said, still grinning proudly. "You love me, and we both know it!"

Kelly could tell by his tone, he was completely joking. She held back a sigh. If only he knew how much she really did love him. Then again, it wouldn't even make a difference to him. That's what hurt the most.

Gimme a reason why I can't concentrate.

The world is turning upside down, spinning round and round.

Filming together had gone by quickly. Before Kelly knew it, their scenes together were over.

They didn't have much time to converse while doing their scenes that weren't together. In fact, Kelly just assumed that Matthew had left, for she had more scenes to film, and he had already finished filming his last scene for the day. She had seen him in the corner, talking on his cell phone, and then after she was done with a scene, he was gone.

She filmed the remainder of her scenes for the next couple of hours, and didn't see him during any of the scenes.

When lunchtime rolled around, she had a half hour to enjoy her lunch. She headed over to catering, and picked up a turkey and cheese sandwich, some carrot sticks and dip, and an Arnold Palmers, then headed out to eat in her trailer. She had mentioned earlier to someone that she needed the air conditioning repaired. She hoped someone had it repaired by now.

She was about to head into her trailer when she noticed someone was still in there, repairing it. _Great!_ she thought. _Now where am I supposed to eat?_ She instantly thought of Matthew's trailer. She was sure he wouldn't mind if she used it to eat. She wasn't going to make a mess or anything. Besides, he had a table in there.

Unless they were getting changed, they usually didn't lock their trailer doors. They had enough security around anyway. There was no need to use the locks other than when changing. Well, that and when they were all gone for the night of course.

She tired the door, and sure enough, it was unlocked. Security didn't say anything to her. They were used to her and Matthew going in and out of each other's trailers.

She sighed with relief as soon as the cool air hit her. It was sure going to feel nice eating in the air conditioned trailer. Even the studio itself had been a little hot. It was a hundred degrees outside.

She was about to head to the table when she stopped short at the sight of Matthew lying on his back on the couch, sleeping. All he had on was his Hugo Boss underwear.

She turned to leave, trying to be quiet, but it was too late.

"Kel?" Matthew called from the couch.

Kelly slowly turned around to face him. "I'm sorry! I thought you had left. I just wanted to use your trailer to eat your lunch. I wanted some place cool, and they are in the process of fixing my air now, so I couldn't eat in my own trailer."

Matthew smiled. "I don't mind you eating here. I was just taking a nap. I felt a little nauseous from the heat, so I figured I'd lie here in the cool, and wait for the temperature to drop a bit. Or at least wait for my nausea to go away."

Kelly couldn't help but stare at his body. He resisted the urge to lick her lips. He was delicious—that was for sure. But, she wasn't allowed to feel that way.

Matthew blushed a bit when he saw what she was looking at, and he grinned. "It was so hot, I figured stripping down to my underwear would be a good idea. It lets the AC cool me down better." He sat up, and quickly reached down for his shorts.

Kelly looked away even though it was kind of too late for that now. "It's a good thing you kept your underwear on." She figured joking about it would make it less awkward. "I'm sure there isn't much to see anyway, but still." She heard Matthew gasp in surprise at her words, and she grinned.

"Gee, thanks, Kel. I love you too!" Matthew said sarcastically.

Kelly cackled. "You know I'm only joking! I'm sure you're quite impressive." She blushed even more. This was just getting awkward now.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Matthew said, the amusement clear in his voice.

Kelly turned around now, just in time to see him wink at her. He clicked his tongue in a teasing, suggestive manner. He now had his shorts back on, but his shirt was still off.

"Don't flatter yourself!" she quipped back.

Matthew pretended to wince. "Ouch!"

They both laughed.

Matthew nodded at her lunch. "That looks good. Why don't you sit at the table, and I'll be right back? I'm going to go wrangle up my own."

Kelly nodded. "All right." She brought her lunch to the table, and laid it all out. Matthew then left, and she suddenly had to go to the bathroom.

She quickly went to the bathroom and washed her hands, then decided to take a look around while she waited for him. She hadn't been in his trailer yet this season. She wondered if he had done anything new to decorate it since the last time she was there.

He didn't have much, she noticed. There was a big cork board on the wall that had random pictures of the cast through the years. There was a picture of him with every cast member.

She smiled at the picture on the cork board of him and her. It was Halloween a couple years ago. He was pretending to be a vampire about to bite her neck. She was laughing quite hard. It was a cute picture.

She smiled at a framed picture of her and him on the lamp stand next to the couch. This one had him hugging her from behind, looking at the camera as he kissed her cheek. She was smiling big at the camera, her hands placed overtop of his.

She put the frame down, and was just about to go sit down at the table with her lunch when she saw the frame on the stand on the other side of the couch.

She went over and picked it up to get a better look at it. It was an eight by ten that was composed for four different shots. One was of Maria smiling at the camera in a long, flowing black and white floral dress. She was on the beach in front of the water. One strap of her dress was down off her shoulder. She had a red rose pressed to her nose. The next was of her in the same dress and same place. She had a dandelion that was to the point where you could just blow away the seeds. She was blowing them away, her pink lips puckered in a perfect kiss. The final two stung the most. The third one was them kissing on a bridge in Central Park. The forth was of them laying on the grass, hand-in-hand in Central Park, looking into each other's eyes. She suddenly felt nauseous herself.

"We had those professionally taken. We thought it might be nice."

Kelly jumped at the sound of Matthew's voice, and accidentally dropped the picture. She quickly picked it back up, and set it back down. "Sorry. You scared me." She was glad the glass hadn't cracked. As sickening as the pictures were to her, she'd still feel bad if she had wrecked something of his, even something as minor as a picture frame.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He picked up the picture, and looked at it.

"Don't apologize. It's _your_ trailer. I'm just jumpy I guess. Kelly went back over to the table, and sat down. Matthew had already set his food across from hers. She didn't know why she hadn't heard him come in. She guessed she was too busy being eye tortured. Forget breaking the frame. She wanted to scratch Maria out of the pictures.

Matthew came over then, and took his seat in front of hers. "So, aside from the whole mess with Daniel and your children, how have you been?"

Kelly sighed. "I've been all right. I got to spend some time with my parents and siblings recently. It was nice. I always miss them, but when I'm with them, it makes me appreciate them and miss them all the more when I have to leave them again."

Matthew nodded. "Yeah, I feel the same way about my family. I probably see them even less that you see yours."

"Too bad our families can't all move out here," Kelly quipped.

Matthew gave her a look. "Okay, I love and miss my family terribly, but I don't think I'd want them around me all the time."

Kelly laughed. "All right, that's true. I guess them living far away makes it even more special when you get to see them, because it's been so long since you last saw them."

Matthew nodded. "In addition, they aren't around me twenty-four seven, so I'm less likely to want to kill them." He grinned and winked to show he was just kidding.

_You're around Maria practically twenty-four seven. Will you please kill her?_ Kelly smirked, hiding a laugh at her own thought.

"What?" Matthew asked with a little laugh. "You look like you're thinking of something funny."

Of course Kelly couldn't tell him what she had really found amusing. She knew she shouldn't be thinking such thoughts anyway. She didn't really mean it. She wasn't Maria's biggest fan, but she didn't want the girl dead. She was nice enough. A little trampy from what she had gathered off the lightt videos, but judging from meeting her, she was nice enough. Barely enough, but enough nonetheless. "Nothing's funny. I'm just really happy to be hanging out with you again. I've really missed you lately. We used to hang out a lot together. Especially in the beginning of the year. Then we got busy, and..." Kelly trailed off. _You met Maria, and forgot all about me_, she wanted to add, but again, knew she couldn't.

She didn't have to finish her sentence.

"I've missed you too," Matthew admitted. "You know what? Let's do something about it! How about we go to dinner tonight? It will be fun! I've missed hanging out with you too."

Kelly smiled at him. "Really?"

Matthew nodded. "Why not? It's long overdue, don't you think?"

Kelly nodded as well. "I couldn't agree with you more."

"So, how about I pick you up at your place at say, eight? Or is that too late?" Matthew asked.

Kelly shook her head. "No, it's not too late. I usually don't eat dinner until late anyway. Eight is perfect!"

Matthew grinned. "Great! I figure I can pick you up, then we can head over to the restaurant together. Where should we eat?"

"Well, how about that new Italian restaurant that just opened up on Fifth Ave?" Kelly suggested. "I can make reservations right now."

Matthew nodded, then gestured with his hand to her. "Go ahead and call them!"

So, Kelly got up, grabbed her cell phone from her purse, and dialed information. She had them connect her to the restaurant, and two minutes later, she had the reservations made.

"So, we're all set!" she said with a smile as she put her cell phone back in her purse, and headed back over to the table. She sat down. "We have eight-thirty reservations."

"Sounds good! I'm looking forward to it already." Matthew grabbed her hand in his from across the table, and gave it a gentle squeeze. He smiled at her.

She smiled at him and squeezed his hand in return. "Me too." _More than you know_, she silently added.

They then went back to eating their lunch, and enjoying each other's company.

You know I miss you, and this all I wanna say.

I guess I miss you, Beautiful.

These three words have said it all.

Kelly coated her lips with her tube or red lipstick, and rubbed her lips together. She then dropped the tube back in her purse, and gave herself one last check over in the mirror. She smiled at her reflection. She was finally able to wear the red dress she had gotten months ago to wear for him! She looked damn good in it too, if she did say so herself. She loved the way her hair looked with the dress. She had it in a chignon, and it looked beautiful.

She really hoped Matthew liked her in the dress. Even though she knew they were only going to be friends and nothing more, she still wanted to look good for him. She wanted to show him what he was missing! She also hoped that this dinner would bring them closer together again. It seemed like, ever since he had met Maria, she (Kelly) and he had drifted apart a bit. They rarely saw each other anymore, let alone got to hang out or go to events together like they used to. She had missed that so much, and she hoped he did too. Him wanting to do dinner with her tonight had given her new hope. Finally, maybe they could go back to the way things used to be between them before Maria had come along and ruined it all.

She spritzed on her favorite perfume just as she heard the knock on her door.

She gave herself one last approving smile in the mirror, and then headed over to let Matthew in.

She smiled big. "Hello, Dar...ling." The 'darling' had dropped out, for she was too surprised to _not_ drop it. For there, standing right next to Matthew, her arm latched with his arm, was none other than Maria.

I know it doesn't sound too cool, but maybe I'm in love with you.

You know I miss you, and this all I wanna say.

I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong.

I don't need to carry on.

I just miss you


	3. Waking The Monster

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 2: Waking the Monster**_

From the first signs,

well, I knew he would hide it from me.

Kelly saw her perfect night with Matthew disappear as quickly as it had been planned. She guessed she should have known he'd bring Maria even though he hadn't said anything about bringing her. The two had been glued to the hip since they started dating. Why should tonight have been any different? So badly she wanted to ask what Maria was doing there. To say that she hadn't been part of the plan—at least not hers. But of course that wouldn't exactly be proper. So, instead, she put on a smile and tone that were both as if she were absolutely _thrilled_ that Maria was joining them tonight.

_It's a good thing I make a living as an actress,_ Kelly thought to herself before greeting her.

"It's great to see you again, Darling," Kelly said, kissing both Matthew's cheeks.

Matthew grinned. "Yeah, long time no see!" he joked with a wink.

Kelly laughed. "I know, right? How long has it been? Two hours?"

"More like three," Matthew corrected.

Kelly pretend gasped. "Ages then!"

Matthew nodded. "Far too long."

Maria cleared her throat, and Kelly knew she couldn't ignore her any longer.

Kelly turned to her. "Hello, Maria! It is good to see you again!" _Not._ "It's been a little longer since you and I last saw each other." _Not long enough._

Maria smiled. "Yeah, about two months. It's nice to see you."

_Wish I could say the same._ Kelly smirked. Oh if she could really say the things going through her head! Well, maybe she could...in a less rude way of course, but she could still get her point across. "Excuse me for just a moment. I'm going to go call the restaurant and make sure it's okay that we add one more person to our party. Matthew hadn't mentioned you would be joining us." _Nor did I invite you to._

Matthew looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh. I just assumed that you'd already know."

_How would I? Even the strongest of couples don't spend every waking moment with each other. Aren't you allowed to go out with another woman without her? Or is she too insecure?_

Instead, Kelly shook her head and replied, "I'm sorry. I'm so used to it just being the two of us, I wasn't thinking. Especially when you didn't mention her." She hid a smirk. That last part was more of a jab at Maria than anything. "Oh well. No big deal. Now I know." _How pathetic you both really are._ "I'll go make that call. Excuse me for just a moment." She headed into the kitchen. She didn't like all this bitterness she was feeling. She wasn't normally a bitchy person. It was just that, when pushed to it, she could get rather bitchy. Especially when she was annoyed, like now.

She dialed up the restaurant, toying with the idea of lying, and saying they could only take two of them. She knew that wouldn't work though. Matthew would suggest they go somewhere else, or somehow things would end up with Matthew and Maria going, and her being left behind. It would be just her luck. She knew Maria sure wasn't going to offer to not go.

The receptionist answered, and it didn't take long for Kelly to update their reservation to three.

"Well, we're all set! It wasn't a problem. Shall we go?" Kelly asked once she had hung up, and reentered the living room. She tried not to let it get to her when she saw how close Matthew and Maria were standing to each other. They had been talking quietly, but stopped talking, and looked at her when she came in.

"I sure am! I'm starved," Matthew said with a nod.

Maria nodded as well.

"I'm am too. Let's go." Kelly grabbed her purse, and headed out the door behind Matthew, who had his hand over Maria's back. Maria was leading the way in front.

_There was a time when it was _my_ back his hand was on,_ Kelly thought sadly. She held back a sigh. There was no use in dwelling on it. Those days were over, clearly.

Kelly locked and shut the door behind them. _Besides, the only thing I should be dwelling on now is how I'm going to get through this dinner,_ she thought bitterly. She followed them down the hall, knowing it was going to feel like the longest dinner of her life.

He's got no more quality time to be going on adventures. Spending mornings on Blackheath.

When they got there, they got seated right away. Matthew held Maria's chair out for her.

Kelly fought the urge to roll her eyes, and took a seat. She remembered the days when he pulled her chair out for her. Gone were those days. Then again, they hadn't been going out to dinner together anymore since he had met Maria. Well, there was that one lunch, but it was a group of people, so she didn't really consider it dinner with him. Just like she no longer considered tonight "dinner with him" since it wasn't just the two of them. She glanced at Maria, who was wearing a low-cut white dress that she was practically popping out of. It was gross to have to look at that during dinner. Though, Kelly was sure Matthew had no problem with it. Heck, he probably picked the classless thing out for her.

"I would have held your chair out for you," Matthew said to her, breaking her from her anti-Maria thoughts.

Kelly smiled at him, though her heart wasn't in it. "It's okay. I'm not some fragile little thing that can't seat herself." _Good one!_ Her smile became real now. That was it. She would be nice to Maria, and not make any more digs at her. Of course, Maria was probably too dense to know they were about her anyway. _Okay, stop it now, Kelly. No more digs. Remember?_ Kelly scolded herself.

She sighed, not trying to conceal it this time. She didn't want to be mean to Maria. She supposed, it was only human to want to date a handsome actor from America. Maria was from Argentina. Kelly supposed, had she been in Maria's shoes, she'd date him too. Then again, Matthew was over fifteen years older than Maria, so that was a bit different of a situation. And, come to think of it, why didn't she stay in her home country and find a nice Argentina man? And, Maria must have seen how close she was with Matthew. I mean, when Matthew and Maria first started dating, you couldn't read about Matthew Settle without Kelly Rutherford being mentioned too. All the fans saw the chemistry between them. Surely Maria must have seen it too, but the little slut didn't care, did she? No. She stole him right out from under Kelly anyway.

_ I ought to rip her hair out by the roots!_ Kelly thought. Her anger returning.

The waiter came for their drink orders. Matthew ordered a wine. Kelly did as well.

_I'm going to need this if I want to get through this night without strangling the slut,_ Kelly thought. She held back another sigh. She remembered her promise to herself to be nice. She would be. It was just so hard!

To her surprise, Maria ordered a Coke.

"You don't drink?" Kelly asked once the waiter had gone.

Maria nodded. "Oh, I do. I just prefer nonalcoholic beverages with meals. They seem to quench my thirst better."

"You're not supposed to drink on an empty stomach." Kelly knew it was a lame thing to say, but she was just curious about the whole "not drinking" thing.

"My stomach will still be full from my meal when I do drink. Or I'll snack when I drink. Alcohol is kind of like my dessert!" Maria explained.

"But she also has real desserts too like pies, and cakes. It's having her dessert with her dessert!" Matthew said with a laugh.

Maria looked at him with love in her eyes. "Yeah!" Her voice grew lower. "And I have you for my dessert sometimes too."

Matthew blushed, but added to her statement. "More than sometimes! All the time!"

Maria blushed, and they both started giggling.

_Oh, give me a break! Forget the doggy bag, I need a barf bag!_ Kelly thought. _Resist the urge to roll your eyes. Resist the urge to roll your eyes._

She didn't have to worry, for the waiter came with their drinks then.

They hadn't even looked over their menus yet, so they took five minutes to look over them, then ordered. Kelly was surprised Matthew hadn't ordered for Maria, but he hadn't.

Once the waiter had gone, Kelly started the conversation, just so she wouldn't have to put up with anymore barf-worthy moments between Matthew and Maria.

"So," she asked them though she was only looking at Matthew, "the summer's almost over already. What are your plans for the fall? Or haven't you decided yet?"

"Well, there's Fashion Week of course. You and I will have to hit our usual shows," Matthew said to her with a wink and a smile.

Kelly took a sip of her wine, and nodded. "Definitely!" _Just make sure you keep the "you and I" strictly to just that—you and I._ She took another sip of her wine.

"In the winter, we have Brazil, remember?" Maria said to him quietly, her hand over his wrist.

Kelly glanced at where Maria's hand was on Matthew's wrist, resisting the urge to jam her fork into it. She turned her attention to Matthew. "Brazil, huh?"

Matthew took a sip of his wine before responding. "Yeah, we're going to Bahia in January for a week. I'm looking forward to trying out all the Brazilian food." He pat his stomach, and laughed.

"I have friends there, and some family I want to introduce him to," Maria explained.

"How nice! I bet you two will have a great time," Kelly said, putting on a smile, and taking another long sip of her wine. _And he's meeting the family this soon. Shoot me now._  
Maria smiled at Matthew, and squeezed his hand. "We're looking forward to it!"

Matthew kissed her hand. "Indeed we are," he said, looking her in the eyes, and smiling.

Kelly would have excused herself to go the bathroom, just to get away from them, but she was afraid that if she did, she'd come back and find them practically screwing each other on the table. So, instead, she changed the subject back to her.

She looked at Matthew. "You know, you and I need to plan another trip together. We never do anything together anymore. We used to hang out a lot more. We never did get to Seoul, like we had planned to a couple years ago. Also, I remember you mentioning something about London for the Olympics, and that never came about. You even mentioned going back to Saint-Tropez. Now you don't mention any of those places." Kelly downed the rest of her wine, then contemplated on whether to order an iced tea for her meal, or more wine.

Matthew looked away, a slight blush on his cheeks. "I know, we should." He squeezed Maria's hand, and smiled at her. "It's just that I met Maria, and we've been busy getting to know each other better, and going to our own little places." He looked at Kelly. "I'm sorry about that. Maria and I just get on so well, I sometimes find myself forgetting there are other people that want to spend time with me, and that I promised to spend time with."

"Well, don't feel obligated to hang out with me. Things change. I get it." _You're just so popular and in demand, and Maria is just _so_ amazing. Forget me, whom you've only known and been close friends with (almost more) before you even knew Maria existed._ To say Kelly felt bitter would be the understatement of the millennium.

Matthew shook his head, and held his hands up. "No! It's not out of obligation! What are you talking about? You know I love hanging out with you and going places with you. After Maria's and my trip to Brazil, maybe the three of us can plan one of those trips together."

Maria nodded.

_Oh yeah, like _that_ would be fun. You just don't get it, do you?_ Kelly put an another forced smile. "Sounds like fun. Excuse me." She then got up, grabbed her purse, and headed for the bathroom. She had no choice but to get out of there then. Matthew clearly had no desire to hang out just the two of them anymore. He didn't want to go anywhere without his precious Maria. All hope Kelly had of ever being with Matthew in a more than just friends kind of way was gone. Heck, at this rate, she didn't even know how their close friendship stood.

Diabolical delicious things...

Something is bad, and it's something within me

Seeing as she really didn't have to go to the bathroom, and she hadn't been out long enough for her makeup or hair to need touching up, Kelly didn't have much need to stay in the bathroom for long. So, she headed out, and rejoined Matthew and Maria. At least they had only been talking. They weren't kissing or banging or anything, so that was good.

Kelly sat down, and was happy to see she had a fresh wine waiting for her.

"I had the waiter bring you another one," Matthew explained. "I hope that's okay?"

Kelly smiled. "Just what I wanted. Thank you."

"So, where should we plan this trip together?" Maria asked.

"Where would you like to go?" Kelly asked. The trip was never going to happen, but she'd humor the girl.

"Well, I was thinking Spain would be really nice. I speak Spanish, so I'd be all set!" Maria said.

Kelly nodded. "Spain could be nice. Or, we could go back to France."

"Paris would be romantic. Though, you might feel a bit left out. We should totally find you a guy!" Maria said.

Kelly nearly choked on her wine. Little Maria finding her a guy? Hilarious! _You already took the one I wanted, and you know it, Bitch. _"That's okay. I'm taking a break from guys for now. I'm not one of those women who need a man to be happy. All I need is my family. I love my children more than my own life."

"It's a shame that your ex is practically keeping them hostage in France. Tough break. That's why I think you should get a man—to take your mind off things," Maria stated.

Kelly looked at Matthew in shock. "You told her about that?"

Matthew shrugged. "Was I not supposed to? I'm sorry. It was in the media, and some of our fans knew already. I just figured it was common knowledge. Besides, Maria and I share everything, so it was only natural that I tell her."

"It's the first time I've heard of it being in the media, and none of my fans have said a thing to me," Kelly said a little coldly. She was even more annoyed now than ever.

"Well, I'm sorry. I didn't think it was that big of a deal," Matthew said.

"My kids are a big deal, Matthew. Maybe not to you, but they are to me. I'm their _mother_. Would you like a boyfriend of mine to know all about Aven?" Kelly asked.

Matthew kept his tone calm. "I didn't mean your kids weren't important. I didn't mean it that way. I just meant, I didn't think that them being in France with their father was a big secret. I'm sorry. Next time, I'll keep my mouth shut."

"You do that!" Kelly snapped. "My children are very important to me." She glanced at Maria. "And no 'man' or anything else for that matter, is going to take my mind off them. They always come first to me."

Maria held her hands up. "Point taken!"

Kelly sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I know neither of you meant anything by it. I'm just a little on edge when it comes to that whole situation." _Being stuck having to watch you two act all lovey-dovey doesn't help either._ "I apologize for snapping, and getting so upset. Maria, I know you were just trying to help, and Matthew, I know you didn't mean any harm. I'm really sorry."

Maria shrugged. "It's okay. I understand."

Matthew nodded. "I'd be just as ticked off as you are if the roles were reversed. Don't even worry about it. I'm sorry I didn't ask you first before I told her."

"Let's just forget about it, and enjoy this dinner. It better be good for the price we're paying, right?" Kelly joked.

Maria nodded. "This Coke is five dollars, and they limit you to one free refill. After that, refills are two dollars. I could get five two liters for the price of this drink! Two more for the price of a second refill!  
Kelly nodded. "Just be glad you don't drink alcohol with a meal. I may be able to afford a fifteen-dollar glass, but I still hate paying more for things you can get cheaper elsewhere."

"Exactly!" Maria agreed.

"Well, don't worry about it. Everything's on me tonight," Matthew said.

"In that case, let me go back and order some more," Kelly joked.

"Why don't we try everything on the menu? You can get a whole bottle of that wine," Maria said, nodding at Kelly's glass.

Kelly licked her lips. "Ooh, I like the way you think!" She supposed Maria wasn't as terrible as she made her out to be, but still, they'd never be friends. However, she could put up with her for one night, she supposed.

"You guys are cruel! I'm going to end up washing the dishes!" Matthew joked.

"We can live with that!" Kelly said simply.

She and Maria both laughed.

"Don't worry, Baby, I'll make it up to you later tonight," Maria then teased him, giving him a seductive smile, and a knowing wink. She lifted her dress up just a bit for him to be able to see the top of her thighs. "I know you love my legs," She flashed him some leg. "That's only the beginning of what you'll be able to see."

Matthew looked at her leg, and his face flushed. He then gestured to them. "By all means, order whatever you'd like!"

Matthew and Maria both laughed.

Kelly could barely manage a fake smile and a tiny fake laugh. There was a time when it was _her _legs he admired. She guessed Matthew had upgraded to a younger model now.On second thought, maybe she _couldn't_ stand even one night with Maria...or Matthew for that matter. She took another long sip of her wine.

One ounce of jealousy, fifty-seven gallons juvenile delinquency.

Dinner hadn't been too bad. They talked more about going to Spain, and it actually did sound like fun. They talked about going next summer. Kelly humored them even though she didn't know if she would go. She didn't think she could stomach a whole vacation watching Matthew and Maria get all gaga over each other. Being a third wheel was never fun. If she could round up a friend to go with them, she might consider it though. If anything, at least it would stop them from going on a romantic vacation just the two of them. She'd let Maria see what it was like to have a third party tag along when you wanted to be alone with someone. She doubted very highly that Maria would be upset if it were just her and Matthew going to Spain together.

Of course, things also depended on whether or not she had Hermés and Helena. It didn't hurt to humor them for now though.

Dessert had been a little worse. Matthew and Maria had shared their desserts. They had both been debating between the two, so Maria got one, Matthew got the other, and they split both. They fed each other at points, and for a moment, Kelly wondered if they had forgotten she was even there.

Kelly was more than ready to leave when the check came. Matthew gave the waiter his credit card, and laid down some cash for the tip.

"Are you sure you don't want me to lay anything down?" Kelly asked.

"Don't even think about it! I'm happy to treat you," Matthew said, waving away her offer.

"Well, thanks! I'm going to catch my cab now. It was wonderful having dinner with you two." _One more than the other._ Kelly kissed Matthew's cheek, and then hugged Maria. She had had an okay enough time, she supposed, once she took out the vomit-inducing moments that is.

She couldn't believe she just hugged Maria. She wanted to though. She didn't want to hate the girl. She didn't want to be a witch. Mara had been pleasant to her that night, so there was no use in her acting like a witch to Maria. Again though, they would never be friends. Leyla had been tolerable enough, she supposed. But Maria? There was just something about her that just irked her. She supposed it was that Maria took him even though she had to have seen how close she and Matthew were becoming. She snatched him right out from under Kelly. Then again, Matthew let it happen, but that was beside the point.

"Already? Can't you stay just a little while longer? We haven't hung out in a while, like you have pointed out several times. Let's do something about it! We're going to a club. Why don't you join us?" Matthew asked.

"I don't know. It's getting late," Kelly said.

Maria laughed. "Late? Are you kidding me? It's only ten o'clock!"

"Yeah, come on! You getting too old to hang out this late, Grandma?" Matthew winked at her, a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

Kelly gasped, and placed a hand over her hip. "Remember, you're only ten months younger than I am!" _Not twenty years younger, like you seem to think you are._

"Yes, but _I'm _not the one who wants to head back because I'm tired," Matthew teased with another wink.

"I never said I was tired. I just said it was getting late!" Kelly said. This whole night was just annoying her all around.

"Sounds like the same thing to me!" Maria joked, playfully elbowing Matthew.

Matthew snickered. "It doesn't, doesn't it?"

Kelly sighed. "To the club it is then!"

"Yay!" Matthew said, puling her into a hug.

She hugged him back, wishing she could see Maria's face. No doubt she was watching them like a hawk. She couldn't believe she had let them goad her into going along. The last thing she wanted to do was go to a club with them.

She sighed. At least the hug from Matthew was worth it.

"Now we can get our drink on!" Maria said.

Matthew released Kelly, and let out a sound that reminded Kelly very much of a noise a frat guy would make at a party while cheering on a drinking game.

_Then again, maybe it's _not_ worth it_, she thought. It was too late now though. She had already agreed, and was now getting into a cab with them.

_I'll stay an hour,_ she thought. _Then I am _so_ out of there._

Kind words and the barrel of a gun will make him come to grips, make him face up to what he's done.

As soon as they got to the club, the drinking started. Kelly hadn't drank anything after her second glass of wine. She wasn't in the mood for anything else to drink, but decided to have one more drink just to be sociable.

They found a table, and enjoyed their drinks. Then, Maria pulled Matthew out to the dance floor for a dance.

"Sure, just leave me here. I'm fine," Kelly said to herself when they took off without asking her if she mined. Matthew had looked back at her, but that was about it.

They disappeared into the crowd. It was just as well. Kelly really didn't care to see them dance anyway.

Matthew came back five minutes later to ask her if she wanted another drink. "Maria's up at the bar getting her and I another drink. Do you want one?"

Kelly shook her head. "I'm good." She smiled. "I wouldn't mind a dance with you though." She winked.

Matthew grinned. "Let's wait for her to get back. Otherwise our table will get snatched."

Kelly nodded. She had been hoping they'd be off dancing by the time Maria got back with the drinks, but she guessed he had a point about the table.

Maria came back a brief moment later. She kissed Matthew quickly on the lips before turning her attention to Kelly. "I'm sorry. I should have seen if you wanted anything else."

Kelly shook her head. "No, I'm good, thanks."

Maria and Matthew sat back down, and they had their drinks, while making small talk with Kelly.

When Matthew finished his, he turned to Maria. "I promised Kelly a dance. We'll be right back!"

Maria nodded. "Okay." She went back to drinking her drink.

"So, we're finally alone!" Kelly said.

"What?" Matthew asked. The song playing was so loud.

Kelly didn't even recognize it, but hey, she'd take what she could get. "I said finally, we're alone!" she repeated, a little louder this time, and a bit closer to his ear.

"You got a new phone? What happened to your old one?" Matthew asked, looking confused.

Kelly sighed. "Never mind."

They dance a bit, and it was fun. He twirled her around, and they laughed together. It felt like old times. Then, a slower song came on. Kelly knew this one. It was "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles.

They looked each other in the eyes.

"Do you want to keep dancing?" Matthew asked.

Kelly shrugged. "I don't mind if you don't."

And so they kept dancing, slower this time of course. They stared into each other's eyes, and for a moment, Kelly knew what time standing still really meant. That was until Maria cut in.

"Do you mind if I take my boyfriend back now?" she asked Kelly with a grin Kelly just knew was put on.

_Like I have a choice_, Kelly thought.

"What about our table?" Matthew asked.

"Ah, forget it! We're here to drink and dance—not sit, right?" Maria asked, grinning up at him as she latched onto his arm.

Matthew laughed. "Well, when you put it that way, yeah, I guess _so_!"

Maria turned to Kelly then. "Don't worry. I found you a guy." She nodded over to this red headed guy with green eyes, who was standing nearby, grinning at Kelly.

"Hi! I'm Tommy. Wanna dance?" he asked. He looked to be a little older than she was.

"Um, sure." Kelly wasn't really in the mood for dancing with a stranger today, but she figured what the hell?

So, they danced. Tommy kept stepping on her feet, and tried to grind against her.

Maria thought it was hilarious. "Sorry, Kel. I guess I picked a klutz. My bad!" She giggled some more.

A couple things went through Kelly's head then. One, that Maria seemed to get drunk pretty quickly, and two, that she highly doubted Maria had put much thought into finding her a nice guy. She just wanted to get her away from Matthew, plain and simple. Matthew looked kind of embarrassed, but wasn't meeting Kelly's gaze.

The song ended, and Kelly was relieved to say the least.

"Let's go get another drink!" Maria said, taking Matthew's hand, and dragging him back toward the bar.

"Sounds good to me!" he said with a laugh, letting Maria pull him along. He didn't even bother asking Kelly if she wanted one this time, nor did he bother looking back.

Tommy raised his eyebrows up and down at Kelly. "Wanna go back to my place? If you're anything like your character Sam in that _Melrose_ show, I know we're bound to have a good time!"

"Um, no thanks!" Kelly walked away without another word to Tommy then. It was time to get out of there.

She went looking for Matthew and Maria. She headed toward the bar, but the place was so packed, she had to zigzag around the while building it seemed, just to get to the bar.

When she found them, she really wished she hadn't. Maria had her legs wrapped around Matthew's hips, her drink in her right hand, and her free arm draped over his right shoulder. Matthew had his left hand on her butt, helping to hold her up, and his already half empty drink in his right hand.

Maria licked up his right cheek like a dog. Or a slut. Either one worked.

He grinned, then they kissed on the lips. They both laughed.

They were right in front of the bar, so Matthew downed the last bit of his drink, set it down on the bar, then pulled his phone out, and took a picture of Maria's cleavage. It was either that, or he was videotaping it for lightt. It wouldn't be the first time he had put her cleavage on there. He already had her thong-covered ass from back in April on lightt. Kelly couldn't tell which he was doing for sure—photographing or videotaping. Either way, it didn't matter. The fact remained that Kelly was beginning to see how low class Maria was, and how much of a pervert Matthew was.

_Forget them. If they want to act like a bunch of drunken losers, then whatever. They probably won't even remember I was here with them anyway._

With that thought, Kelly turned on her heel, and left the club. She had been dumb to come along anyway. What did she expect? For the three of them to have a good ol' sober time at a club? For Matthew to actually pay any attention to her instead of Maria? _Right._

She hailed a cab, and gave the driver her address. She just wanted a nice, warm bath, then she would get into her nightgown, turn off the lights, hop into bed, and go to sleep. She wanted to just forget this day had ever happened. But it _had_ happened, and it had left a bad taste in her mouth that would be hard to get out.

At least now, she knew things between her and Matthew were over for sure—even as friends. And at least _Gossip Girl_ was ending, so she didn't have to work with him anymore soon. It was fine with her, for, once the show was over, she was going to distance herself big time from Matthew. After what had happened tonight, she realized that, as much as it would sadden her, she was going to have to break her ties with Matthew. They would be coworkers until _Gossip Girl_ finished filming, then they would be nothing but acquaintances. It was the best thing she could do for herself. She realized that now.

Gotta be something destructively daring, dastardly.

It's got the best of me.


	4. Talk, Talk, Talk

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 3: Talk, Talk, Talk**_

I know you keep your silence.

I know that secret better than you.

Sometimes all the matters of the heart are the chaos and the cowardice that keep us apart.

The next day, Matthew called Kelly on her cell phone. Kelly was annoyed he hadn't even bothered to call her the night before to ask her where she had gone. She supposed he had been too busy screwing Maria to bother.

She debated on whether or not she was going to pick up the phone, but in the end, her need to hear what he had to say won out over her anger and annoyance.

So, she answered just when she was sure it was about to go to voicemail. "Hello?"

"Kel! What happened to you last night? Maria and I looked all over for you before we realized you must have gone home. Or did you go home with that guy Maria picked out for you. Ted, was it?" Matthew's tone sounded to Kelly like a mixture of amusement, and mischievousness.

"It was Tommy, and _no_, I did not go home with that loser. Besides, I don't spend the night with guys I just met, thank you. What kind of woman do you think I am?" Kelly found herself more and more annoyed by the moment. He didn't even seem to realize she had left because he and Maria were acting like she didn't exist. She also didn't much like that he didn't seem bothered by the idea of her going home to sleep with another man—especially a loser like Tommy.

"I was only kidding, Kel. Relax," Matthew said evenly.

Kelly sighed. She supposed she knew that. Still, she was so annoyed with him, it was more convenient to believe he had meant it. "I know, I'm sorry."

"So, where did you disappear to last night?" Matthew pressed.

Kelly couldn't believe she had to tell him. "I felt like a third wheel, and figured you guys wouldn't miss me, so I left." It was the truth, well, minus the part about her having to leave before she strangled them both. Or maybe just Maria. No, strangling was too kind. She smirked.

"You weren't a third wheel. You know I always enjoy spending time with you," Matthew said.

Kelly bit her bottom lip. He actually sounded sincere. "Well, she was all over you, licking your face and all. I was rather uncomfortable. You two didn't even notice me when I came over. That's when I decided to leave."

"Oh. That. You saw that?" Matthew sounded embarrassed now.

"Yeah, I did," Kelly said coldly.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. Maria gets a little goofy when she drinks. It doesn't take too many drinks for her to get drunk. I think that's part of why she doesn't drink too much in restaurants. She doesn't want to make a fool of herself," Matthew explained.

"You didn't seem like you were complaining," Kelly quipped.

"I had a few too many myself by then," Matthew admitted. "Besides, her feelings would be hurt if I pushed her away and told her to knock it off. I think it's just funny. Once she's sober, she always gets a good laugh out of the things I tell her she does. She and I laugh together about it."

"Well, regardless, I didn't feel comfortable with you two all drunk, so I left. To be honest with you, when we discussed dinner last night at work, I was under the impression that it would be just you and me. I didn't think Maria was going to come along. I really missed you, Matthew, and I thought you missed me too." Kelly decided to just be honest with him. She wasn't going to stoop to teenager antics by making him guess why she was so upset.

"I _do_ miss you too!" he insisted.

Kelly sighed. "Yeah, well it sure doesn't feel like it. If you really missed me, you wouldn't have brought your girlfriend along. You spent all your time with her, whom you see every day, instead of spending time with _me_. Three's a crowd, Matthew—especially when two out of the three are dating. It just doesn't work."

"I didn't spend all my time with her! You and I danced, didn't we?" Matthew tried.

"Yeah, before Maria cut in, and shoved me off to be with that loser!" Kelly couldn't believe he was even trying to go that route! "Besides, you spent far more time dancing with her than you did with me."

Matthew sounded defensive now. "First of all, she was trying to be nice, getting you a guy. You said yourself, you felt weird, it being just the three of us. Second off, you left, so we didn't have a chance to dance more!"

Kelly was annoyed more than ever now. She decided to toss it right back at him. "_First off_, that guy was a loser, and Maria knew it. She wasn't thinking about me when she picked him out. She just wanted to get me out of your hair. She just _had_ to cut right in when you and I were dancing. She couldn't let us have friend time together. Second off, you were both drunk, and all over each other. You were taking a picture of her cleavage. It would have just been awkward if I stayed. You two had already forgotten about me."

"Lighten up, Kel, she and I were just having fun!" Matthew said, sounding a little annoyed himself.

"Yeah, well, next time, you can have fun without me there to intrude. I'm not hanging out with the two of you again. That's for sure." Kelly was about ready to end the call, when Matthew stopped her.

His tone softened. "Kel, I'm sorry. Let's not fight. I was an ass last night. Forgive me?"

"Just last night?" Kelly asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Ouch! I'm trying to apologize here, Kel!" The amusement was apparent in his tone.

Kelly sighed. "All right, all right. Most of the time, you're not an ass. I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive you just yet though. I really don't think you're been that great of a friend to me lately. Just because you have a girlfriend, doesn't man you have to spend every single moment with her, nor does it mean you have to forget about all your friends just because you're with her. It _especially_ doesn't mean you should forget about your friends whom you've been friends with for six years."

Matthew was silent for a moment.

Kelly was about to ask him if he had heard what she just said, but he spoke before she could.

"I could never forget about you, Kelly. I care very deeply about you," he said quietly.

"Yeah, well, you've have a funny way of showing it lately," Kelly grumbled. If he wanted her forgiveness, he was going to have to work for it.

Matthew sighed. "I'm sorry I invited her last night. Like you said, she and I hang out together every day. I'm so used to having dinner with her, it just didn't dawn on me that she might not be invited. I especially didn't think anything of it since we had lunch the three of us last time."

"It wasn't just the three of us last time. You had a group of friends," Kelly reminded him. "It was different."

Again, Matthew sighed. "Well, then, how about this? You and I go to lunch together just the two of us? What day is good for you?"

Kelly paused. She was supposed to be cutting off her ties with Matthew. Though, in all fairness, she did plan on doing it _after_ they were done filming. They still had a month or so of filming left. Besides, a lunch date just the two of them did sound quite appealing. "I'm free next Wednesday."

"Next Wednesday is great! I just happen to be free that day," Matthew said cheerily. "I'll even let you pick the place."

"Are you sure Maria will let you out without her?" Kelly asked, amused with herself. She knew she shouldn't say it, but it was too funny not to. Besides, deep down, a part of her was seriously wondering.

Matthew laughed heartily. "She doesn't keep me under lock and key, Kel. I want to hangout with her just as much as she wants to hang out with me."

_Ouch!_ _Okay, well _that_ backfired. _Kelly sighed. "I was only joking. What time do you want to get together on Wednesday?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about noon?" Matthew asked.

"All right. Noon it is. Are we just going to meet there?" Kelly asked.

"Unless you want me to pick you up," Matthew said.

"It's okay. We can just meet there." Kelly figured this way, she'd have time to get ready and look her best before seeing him again. She didn't know why she was even bothering. She guessed, deep down, like it or not, her feeling for him still lingered. Besides, it was kind of fun, dressing up for a man—even for a man who was a part-time ass.

"All right, but first, don't you think we should decide where exactly 'there' is?" The amusement in Matthew's voice was undeniable.

"Oh! Right." Kelly laughed. "How about... I don't know, you pick it!"

"I don't know either! Don't put the decision all on me!" Matthew said.

"Well, you tried to put it all on me!" Kelly reminded him.

They both laughed, then spend the next couple minutes trying to decide where to eat. Finally, they agreed upon a nice little place that usually wasn't too busy, but not empty either. They'd have a nice atmosphere, and it would be quiet enough for them to talk, and get reacquainted.

"I'll see you on Wednesday at noon then!" Matthew said. "I'm actually looking forward to it."

Kelly raised an eyebrow even though she knew it would go unseen by him. "You say 'actually' like you're surprised you're looking forward to it." She was teasing him. She knew what he meant.

Matthew laughed. "Okay, dumb choice of words. "I'm looking forward to it so much I could burst!"

Kelly cackled. "Now that's better!"

Matthew laughed too.

"I'm looking forward to it too—a lot. I'll see you then. I'm sure we'll talk before Wednesday, but..." Kelly trailed off, not sure quite what she had wanted to say.

"We will," Matthew assured her. "Talk to you soon. Bye, Kel."

Kelly smiled, even though again, she knew it would go unseen by him. "Bye, Matthew."

Kelly hung up her phone, and then dropped it back in her purse. Finally, she was going to get her day with Matthew. And if Maria tried to intrude this time, well, she'd knock out her horse-like teeth!

I know you want to shut down.

I know you think we're better alone.

Sometimes all the words are unsaid, but you listen to them argue every night in your head.

Next Wednesday came, and Kelly was very excited to see Matthew. They had talked briefly throughout the week via text. Kelly had even tweeted to the fans about seeing Matthew that week. She wanted to kick herself for getting all excited. She knew this lunch didn't mean nearly as much to him as it meant to her. It was just lunch between friends and nothing more. She knew that. Even so, it was going to feel good being able to hang out just the two of them, sans Maria. They hadn't done that since Cannes back in May. It was now three months later. This get together was long overdue.

Still, she wasn't going to forget about her thoughts of cutting off ties with him. She would see how he reacted at lunch, and go from there. If all he did was talk about Maria, and still ignore her, they were through. However, if things felt like old times again, then maybe she would rethink cutting all ties with him. After all, she knew without a doubt she'd miss him terribly.

She arrived at the restaurant, and was happy to see that he was already waiting for her—alone as promised. He looked good in his navy blue polo and khaki shorts. His attire never really changed much, but he looked good in it anyway. Though, she was pretty sure he could wear a brown paper bag and still look hot as hell.

He was standing up, looking at his iphone. She decided to be cheeky. She sneaked up behind him, and grabbed his butt.

He jumped in surprise.

She burst into laughter, and revealed herself to him. "Come here often?" she teased.

He grinned at her. "I thought some fan was getting fresh!"

She laughed some more. "In the city, you never know!"

They both laughed this time.

Matthew put his phone into his pocket, then pulled her close, kissed her right cheek, and hugged her. "I'm glad we're finally getting together again. I really did miss you, Kel."

Kelly breathed him in. He smelled good. She didn't know if it was his aftershave, or some cologne he was wearing. Whatever it was, it smelled good, and it made her want to hold him for just a few seconds longer than she should. "I missed you too. More than you know," she said quietly.

He gently rubbed her back for a brief moment, then released her. He smiled at her. "Shall we go inside, or do you want to sexually harass me some more?" His smile turned into an amused grin.

She grinned back, reached around, and pinched his butt again.

He jumped again. "You'd think I'd have seen that coming!" he said with a laugh. She laughed too, and held up her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm good. For now."

"Maybe you should walk in front of me," he teased, placing a hand over her back, and gently leading her on ahead of him.

"You're such a baby!" she teased, then squealed when she felt her butt being smacked. She whipped around. "I cannot believe you just did that!"

He grinned, and wriggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively. "Who's the baby now, huh?"

She stuck her tongue out at him. "You know, when it comes to sexual harassment, the judge usually sides with the woman. I'd have a better chance at suing you than you would me."

"Not if I get a male judge," he deadpanned.

Kelly sighed. "You're probably right."

They both laughed.

They gave their party number to the hostess then, and she seated them.

Kelly was surprised, but happy when he chose to sit next to her instead of in front of her. She liked being close to him, and the thought that maybe he wanted to be close to her too.

They looked over their menus as they waited for their server to arrive. They briefly discussed what they wanted to order, and then the water came and took both their drink and food orders at the same time. Matthew ordered something alcoholic of course. Kelly decided to share a bottle with him, but only to be sociable. It wasn't like she was a prude. She wasn't a prude after all. She did like to have a drink or two once in a while. She just didn't believe in getting drunk off her ass like Matthew and Maria liked to do. She would have a glass or two, then get some iced tea or lemonade if she was still thirsty.

As they waited for their food, they talked.

"So, when do you go back to France to see your kids again?" Matthew asked.

"The first week in September," Kelly answered. She wanted to invite him to come along, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. At least not without him bringing Maria along, and if she had anything to do with it, _that_ was also not going to happen. "I'll be back right in time for fashion week," she said instead.

Matthew's face lit up. "Good! You know we have to do our usual shows together. They just wouldn't be the same without you."

This made Kelly's face light up as well. He still wanted to do the shows with her even though he had Maria to go with.

"Maria will probably like to join us for some," he then added, ruining it just like that.

_Some? All of them, I'm sure._ Kelly thought bitterly. Oh well. At least he still wanted her to go with him instead of just Maria. Unless going with her was out of obligation since they went together every year. No. She'd choose to believe the first. The latter would hurt too much.

He seemed to notice the look of distaste on her face. He took her hand in his. "I'm sorry. I'm doing it again. Of course I'm going to do some shows with Maria, but I'll save our shows for just you and me." He winked and smiled at her.

Kelly smiled back, noticing how she felt the electricity run through her body at his touch. She guessed she wasn't as over him as she had thought she was. "I don't want to be a total witch. She can join us for some. Maybe just a show or two we can keep for just you and me though?"

He surprised her by kissing her hand. "Any show you want, it will be just the two of us. I promise."

She felt the electricity hit her heart this time. She smiled at him, and gently ran her thumb over the back of his hand. "Thank you. I appreciate that."

"What are friends for, right?" he asked her with a wink, then removing his hand.

Kelly sighed. _Friends._ She smiled. "Right!" She too a sip of her drink.

Just breathe in and out, 'cause all I want to do is just talk, talk, talk to you.

Please hear me out, 'cause all I want to do is just talk, talk, talk to you.

Lunch had been great. Matthew surprisingly didn't talk about Maria at all, and things felt like old times between then. They reminisced about the show, and about what they would miss the most.

"I'm going to miss going to work every day and seeing everyone. I feel like we're all part of a family splitting up!" Kelly said. "Is that weird?"

Matthew shook his head. "No, because I feel the same way."

"You should come visit me on set even when you're not filming that day. I miss how we used to film together more. I mean, it's the last season, and I already feel like we're not filming anymore. It's not as fun without you," Kelly admitted.

Matthew nodded. "I should! Maria always wants to ride bikes, go out to eat, or go to some museum or another. Also, I have Aven a lot more now, but I can visit you one day. You can always visit me too when _I_ film and you don't. That is if you're not in France with the kids."

_It always has to be about Maria, doesn't it?_ Kelly thought sadly.

Matthew sighed. "Though, honestly, part of why I don't go to the studio anymore than I need to is because I'm trying to wean myself off of filming the show instead of just one day not going at all, you know? It's almost too sad to go there now."

Kelly suddenly felt sad too. He had a point. "Good point."

Matthew grabbed her hand again. "But you and I are totally going to do another show together, or a movie. I don't know. Something! We work too well together to not continue doing so."

She looked into his eyes. From the day she had met him they made her swoon. Now, six years later, they still had the same effect on her. "Definitely," she agreed, feeling the electric current from head to toe now.

They ordered dessert, and talked some more about possibly going to Spain one day soon. Kelly was actually finding herself being a little more open to the idea than she had been at first. She supposed it was because the day had gone so well. She was in a good mood.

She was sad when they finished, and it was time to pay. She went for her wallet, hoping this wouldn't be the last time she and Matthew did lunch together just the two of them.

"I got it!" Matthew said, in reference to the bill.

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked, still going for her wallet.

"Of course I'm sure! Put your wallet away," he said.

"Well, thanks," Kelly said, feeling even more love for him.

Their waiter came and took Matthew's credit card, then a moment later, came back with the receipt for him to sign.

Matthew signed it, and then slipped the waiter a twenty for his tip.

The waiter nodded politely. "Thank you, Sir. You two have a good rest of the day."

"Thanks, you too!" Kelly and Matthew said in unison. The two of them laughed. "Jinks!" they said together, then laughed again.

Matthew led the way this time, but Kelly was good, and didn't pinch his butt.

When they got out of the restaurant, they paused in front of it, and faced each other.

"So, what are you going to do today?" Kelly asked him.

"I have a few errands to run, then when Maria gets out of work, I think we're getting together with friends," he replied.

So Maria was at work. That's why she let him out of her sight, Kelly figured.

She cleared her throat. "Well, have a good night then."

"You too, Kel," Matthew said before pulling her in for a tight hug. "I really did miss you. I promise we'll get together just the two of us more often." He kissed the top of her head.

Kelly held him tight in return. "Good! Don't be a stranger. I miss you so much sometimes." She hadn't meant to get so mushy, but she hadn't been able to stop the words from exiting her mouth.

He rubbed her back. "Me too." He held her for a brief moment more—not long enough for Kelly's taste—then released her. "See you soon, and I know I'll talk to you even sooner!" He winked at her and smiled.

She grinned. "You better!" She kissed his cheek. "Before you go, let me get a picture of us. You know the fans will have my head if I don't get one of us. I already tweeted that I'd be seeing you this week."

Matthew laughed. "All right."

So, they huddled close together, and Kelly snapped a quick picture of them on her phone.

They both looked at it.

"That turned out real nice. I'll have to snatch it from your Twitter later," he said.

"Yeah, help yourself," Kelly said with a smile. She was a little hurt he hadn't wanted to take one himself to share, but oh well. She had had a great day with him, and she wasn't about to let one small little detail ruin it.

"Call you soon!" Matthew gave her a half hug, and a kiss on the cheek as he pat her back a few times. "Bye."

Kelly barely had time to hug him back and say, "Goodbye for now," before he was gone.

He had left without looking back.

Kelly watched him until he disappeared, then tweeted the pick, and headed down the street with a sigh. Well, even though the day hadn't gone exactly as she had wanted it too—i.e. Matthew not wanting to take a picture of his own, them not hanging out after lunch, and Maria being at work instead of him leaving her to fend for herself—it had still been a nice enough day for Kelly to realize that cutting off all ties with Matthew wasn't going to work.

"What am I going to do with myself?" Kelly mumbled to herself. As the old cliché went, she couldn't live with Matthew, and yet, she couldn't live without him.

Well, you can hide away your feelings, and burn your bridges in the dark, but I know you want to break through. But we're worlds apart.


	5. Sing to Me

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 4: Sing to Me**_

You step behind a curtain. In a moment you were gone. And nothing's ever certain, and it's hard to carry on.

Kelly didn't see Matthew for a week or so. She was preoccupied with a court hearing to see about getting her children back. It hadn't gone well. Her ass of an ex-husband, aka the father of her children, had manipulated his way into the judge ruling in his favor. So, her kids would be staying in France with him until only God knew when. She was going to appeal, and already had started the procedure for one, but it was still taking a big tole on her emotionally. She didn't know how often she'd be able to get to France to see her children. It was incredibly draining. Her children were everything to her. The thought of not being able to see them as often, or not being able to spend quality time with them, was almost too much for her to bear. It didn't help matters that, with her being a celebrity, the media and the fans all knew about it. The fans were really supportive, and most of the media was too, but still. She didn't feel like sharing this private thing with everyone. Now, all eyes would be on her, and everyone would feel sorry for her. She just didn't need that right now. All she needed was someone who could help her get her kids back, and fast at that.

She wanted to just crawl into bed, and cry out all the tears out that she had in her, but she knew she couldn't. She had to work. So, she got herself out of bed, and then got herself dressed, and ready for the day. Then, she went to work.

She was surprised to see Matthew there. He was rarely on set with her anymore, so it surprised her to see him.

She tired to keep her cool, but seeing him made her almost lose it. She didn't want to cry on set, and she wouldn't! She couldn't. She didn't want people feeling sorry for her, and she certainly didn't want it all over the media how she had "broken down" at work. She knew for sure it would be all over the media if she were to cry. So, instead, she held her head high, and tried to her best to act like nothing was wrong.

"Kel, what's wrong? I saw the look on your face when you arrived," Matthew asked her right away.

Kelly bit her bottom lip. Apparently, he hadn't heard. He had been too busy with Maria, she assumed. The thought made her want to cry again. This whole situation with her kids was making her an emotional wreck, and she didn't like that. She was used to being strong, and not letting anyone see her down. She had am image to maintain after all. "It's nothing. I'm just a little tired is all." Her voice threatened to break, but she kept it together.

Luckily, he seemed to buy it. "Maybe you can catch a nap in your trailer between takes," he suggested.

"Maybe. The breaks usually aren't that long though," she said. She really just wanted to go home.

Before he could respond, Kaylee came over. Apparently, Matthew's character Rufus would be dating Kaylee's character Ivy—for the time being at least.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Kaylee asked.

"Not much. Hey, I see you and I have another kissing scene today," Matthew said to her, raising his eyebrows up and down suggestively. He grinned at her.

Kelly knew he was only being his humorous self. Kaylee had a boyfriend, and Matt of course was dating Maria. Again, she found herself wishing she could just go home.

"Yeah, I read we were going to have one, so I made sure to help myself to a lot of onions and garlic!" Kaylee teased.

"Mm, sounds great!" Matthew teased back.

Kelly suddenly felt nauseous. She was about to excuse herself when Kaylee turned her attention to her.

Kaylee place a hand over her should. "Kelly, I heard about your ex getting to keep your children in France with him. I'm _so_ sorry about that. I know there's nothing I can really do, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

Kelly felt her face flush with embarrassment. Here came the pity. She appreciated Kaylee's thoughtfulness, but she really wished Kaylee hadn't mentioned it in front of Matthew. "Thanks. I'm going to try to appeal it. In fact, an appeal is in the process now, actually."

"Well, good luck with it. This time, hopefully you'll get a judge with half a brain," Kaylee said. Her phone rang then, and she excused herself to take the call.

Kelly was trying not to cry again, but Matthew placing his hand over her shoulder made it hard not to.

He pulled her into a hug. "Kel, why didn't you tell me? No wonder you looked so upset!"

Kelly hugged him back briefly, then stepped backwards, out of his arms. She shrugged. "It's not important. I can just get it appealed. My lawyer is working on it." She tried to act like it was no big deal, but it was taking all the remaining strength she had left in her to do so.

"What do you mean it's not important? Your kids mean the world to you. Of _course_ it's important!" Matthew insisted.

_Do not burst into tears. Do not!_ Kelly repeated that over and over in her head, but it wasn't helping much. "Yeah, well, it's just one of those things that is what it is. Sadly, there's not much else I can do besides try for an appeal. Excuse me. I have to go get ready." She turned on her heel, and quickly left, ignoring Matthew as he called after her, telling her that he didn't hear anyone from hair, makeup, or wardrobe call her.

The truth was, she just had to get out of there. She needed a quiet place to cry out the tears threatening to overflow in her eyes. She couldn't let Matthew know how upset she was. If she did, he'd just feel sorry for her, and she couldn't handle that. It would be bad enough for strangers and friends to feel sorry for her, but Matthew feeling sorry for her would be simply unbearable. So, instead, she disappeared into the bathroom, which was thankfully unoccupied, locked herself into a stall, and cried until she had nothing left to cry.

This is not what we planned, and I know its hard to understand,

but if this isn't what you want then...

If this isn't what you need pry my fingers from your hand.

Luckily, Kelly didn't have to be on set for long that day, so she was able to avoid Matthew most of the time, though he did ask her if she was all right every chance he got.

"I'm fine, but thank you for your concern. I'll get through this. It's not like my children died or anything." She was torn inside, but she didn't need his pity. She didn't need anyone's pity. Since he told Maria everything, and since it was all over the news, she was sure they'd be talking about it together later. She could hear it now.

"Poor, Kelly. She really is all alone now," Maria would say.

"Yeah. Her children were her everything. They lived with her all their lives until now. She must be so sad and lonely," Matthew would say.

Maria would nod. "And depressed. I don't know what I'd do if we ever lost Aven." As if Aven was hers, and Naama never existed, and wasn't still alive and well.

Matthew would put his arm around her. "Well, you'll never have to know what that feels like, because she is our and ours alone."

Then they would kiss, he'd pick her up, carry her to the bedroom, and they'd have mad, passionate sex, forgetting all about her having just lost her children. She would no longer be a thought in Matthew's mind.

Kelly shook the thoughts out of her head. Yeah, she would not be someone they pitied, then forgot about. She would not be some sad and pathetic creature to anyone, let alone Matthew and his precious girlfriend.

She cried herself to sleep that night, then had to get up and do it all over again. She had to work, and she had to work with Matthew, as much as it pained her.

She arrived on set, and as soon as she got there, Matthew came right up to her. "Are you all right?" he asked her, the concern apparent in both his expression and his voice.

Kelly sighed. "Matthew, as I've told you many times before, I am fine. Don't worry about me."

He shook his head. "Kel, telling me not to worry about you is like telling me not to breathe. I care deeply about you. You're my good friend. Of _course_ I'm going to worry about you."

_Good friend. Great._ Kelly shook her head. "You don't need to worry. I'll survive."

Matthew moved so that they were standing in front of each other, face to face. He placed his hands overtop of her shoulders. "Kel, you're not fooling me, so you can knock off the act. You can't keep this all bottled up inside."

Kelly looked into his pleading eyes, and just about lost her resolve. She really did want someone to talk to. A therapist didn't do much. All therapists wanted to do was examine your head because that is what they were paid to do. Stop paying them, and you'd be out the door without a second thought. Without charge, or expecting anything else in return, a friend would listen, and give advice that they knew would be to your best interest. Then again, there was nothing really that anyone but the appeal judge could do for her.

Before she could respond, their handlers came to usher them to their trailers to get ready.

Matthew placed his arm around her protectively. She would have politely slipped out from underneath him, assuring him he didn't need to coddle her. However, it felt too nice to have his arm around her, so she allowed it.

Matthew kept his arm around her, letting go of her only as they entered the van. Then, he draped his arm over her shoulders.

Kelly rested her head on his shoulder then, and he let her. She was drained, and didn't have it in her to fight anymore. Her assistant, who was also her nanny and close friend of hers, was there with them, as was Kaylee, but no one said a thing the whole way to their trailers. It was as if they all knew that she didn't want anyone to try to console her. All she needed right then was to have some quiet time to think. And, as much as she didn't want to admit it, being in Matthew's arms was calming her down. She felt safe with him. She knew that it would only last for a brief while before he would release her, and later take Maria into his arms, but right now, she didn't want to think about that. She had enough to be sad about as it was without thinking about losing Matthew to a girl who was barely a woman.

And maybe it's just meant to be. Maybe you'll find a way to haunt me, come back and sing a melody to me. Maybe we're just lost at sea. Maybe I'm holding on to driftwood, and I'll be all right if you could sing to me. Sing to me.

Luckily, they were ushered into their own separate trailers to start getting ready, so, Kelly didn't have to have her "talk" with Matthew. She still wasn't quite sure if she was ready to talk with anyone about it. She dressed, and went straight to makeup and hair. Matthew joined her in makeup and hair about five minutes after she got there, but he didn't bring up the kids. They just talked as if nothing had happened.

Then, they headed back into the studio, and filmed. They had one scene together, but for the rest, they taped separately.

They had some time together in between takes. Matthew seemed to sense that she didn't want to talk, so instead, he just filmed her. She played a long a bit, but for the most part, she tried her best to keep to herself. She felt like any little thing could set her off and make her cry, and crying in front of everyone was certainly not an option.

Finally, the day ended, and she excused herself to her trailer. She just wanted to get back into the clothes she came there in, then go home, take a warm bath, and cry.

However, she didn't even have a chance to change before there was a knock on her trailer door.

She sighed. She really just wanted to be left alone. Was that too much to ask? She was silent for a moment, thinking that maybe whomever it was would go away. They didn't. There was another knock on the door, this time louder. "Kel? Come on, open up! I know you're in there," came Matthew's voice. It was calm and gentle.

Kelly sighed. She had known Matthew for over five years now. That was long enough to know that he wasn't going to give up until they had their talk.

She slowly headed over to the door, and opened it up.

He gave her a sympathetic look. "Come on, Kel. I know you're sad. I can see it in your eyes. I've known you for going on six years now. I know when you're sad, when you're mad, and when you're happy. Right now, I know you're not happy, you're a little mad, and you're a lot bit sad no matter how much you try to deny it. So, talk to me, Kel. Come on. I'm your friend. Let me be here for you. You know I'll listen."

She stepped back, and turned to sit on the couch, telling Matthew without words to come in.

Matthew stepped in, then closed and locked the door behind him before coming to sit down next to Kelly on the couch. He placed an arm around her. "Talk to me."

Kelly wanted to stay strong. She really did. But when she saw him look deeply into her eyes, and when she saw in his eyes that he really did care about her, and his concern was genuine, it was too much for her to take. His arm lovingly around her didn't help either. Then, even though it pained her to cry in front of him, she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She burst into tears, and buried her face in his shoulder.

He instantly wrapped his arms around her tighter, and gently stroked her hair. "Sh, it's all right. It's okay. Just let it all out. Cry as much as you'd like. It will help you feel better," he soothed.

But Kelly knew she'd never feel better until her children were back with her where they belonged. Until then, she didn't think she'd ever be all right again.

You step beneath the landslide. Nothing feels right when you're wrong. And try to find an upside, try to sing without a song.

Kelly didn't know how long she had cried, but it was longer than she had wished to. She sat up straight, and sniffled.

Matthew handed her a tissue from the lamp stand beside him.

"Thanks," Kelly said, wiping her eyes then blowing her nose with it. She tossed it into the trash can beside her, then looked at him. "I'm sorry for losing it like that. I don't usually like to break down in public like that."

Matthew rubbed her left shoulder. "Don't ever apologize for letting your feelings show, Kel." He wiped away a stray tear from her left eye with his thumb. "Daniel's such an ass. I would love to see him so that I can punch the hell out of him for doing this to you."

Kelly smiled. "I'd actually like to see that!"

Matthew grinned. "There you go! A genuine smile." He winked at her.

Kelly smiled some more, but weaker this time. "You know, I'm not a murderer, but lately I've been thinking about what it would be like to kill him."

"It feels good, doesn't it?" Matthew asked.

Kelly smiled weakly again. She slightly nodded. "It does," she admitted. Then she got serious. "But, he's not worth going to jail for. Then the kids wouldn't have _either_ of their parents. Besides, as much as I am despising him lately, he is still the father of my children, whether I like it or not. They love their father, for they are too young to know what he is doing. I wouldn't hurt my children like that."

Matthew nodded, and took her hands in his own. "I understand completely. But what if you wouldn't get caught?"

"Well, there's always that plan you and I had about cutting his breaks!" Kelly teased.

Matthew nodded. "Now wouldn't be a good time though. It'd be obvious who cut them."

Kelly nodded. "Sadly, it would."

They were quiet for a moment.

"I don't want you feeling sorry for me," Kelly said out of the blue. It had been weighing on her. She just couldn't bear it if he looked at her with nothing but pity.

"Is that why you didn't want to talk to me at first? You were afraid I'd pity you?" Matthew asked her.

She nodded. "Pretty much. I didn't want you feeling sorry for me. When people start feeling sorry for me, then I start becoming pathetic, and right now, pathetic is the very last thing I want to be."

Matthew shook his head, and squeezed her hands. "Well, all I feel for you is love and support. I promise you, I will never think of you as pathetic. If anything, this whole situation shows me exactly how strong you are. Trust me, when I think of pathetic, the only person I'm thinking of is Daniel."

Kelly couldn't help but smile at this. "Really? Cuz I think of ass, idiot, jerk, and scumbag."

"Loser, moron, imbecile..." Matthew tried. "You know, the more I think about it, the more _I_ feel like killing him."

It warmed Kelly's heart to hear this. It felt good to know that, when it came down to it, he really did care for her even if it sometimes felt like he didn't.

She squeezed his hand. "He's not worth it. Besides, I wouldn't want you rotting in jail. I need you right here with me." She gently stroked his cheek. She didn't mean for it to come out at romantic as it did. Heck, half the time he wasn't even with her. They both knew he spent the majority of his time with Maria. After all, he saw her every day of his life now. Still, even if she herself could only see Matthew once or twice every other week if even that, the time she did have with Matthew—little as it might be—made it all worth the wait.

"Well, you could always come see me for my conjugal visits!" he teased, wriggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"And what makes you think I'd give you any?" Kelly teased, removing her left hand from Matthew's hand, and putting her hand over her hip.

"Hey, I killed your husband for you so that you could get your children back! Doesn't that deserve some kind of reward?" he teased back.

"Well, all right, I suppose. But you better be good, and make it worth my while," Kelly said, still joking. It felt really good to her that he was joking with her about having sex even though he was dating Maria. She was glad to see that he wasn't the type of guy that lost his sense of humor with female friends once he had a girlfriend.

"Oh, I promise you, it will be worth your while!" Matthew said in amusement.

Kelly nodded. "Okay. Shall I bring the extender just in case?"

The surprised look on Matthew's face was just too funny. Kelly couldn't help it. Despite all the sadness with in her, the laughter just bubbled out of her like a volcano. "The look on your face—priceless!" she managed between laughter.

He laughed. "You are so mean! And here I was being all nice to you, comforting you, and offering to off your husband for you," he joked.

She couldn't stop her laughter just yet. She guessed her body just welcomed the laughter after all the sadness it had endured as of late.

"Are you finished?" Matthew asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

He was trying to look serious and sound serious, but Kelly wasn't fooled. She saw the hint of a smirk at the corner of his lips, and the slight, almost inaudible crack in his voice.

"I'm sorry," Kelly said. "I don't meant to laugh." Then, just like that, as if someone had hit a switch, she started tearing up again. She didn't know why. The sadness just washed over her so suddenly like a tidal wave washing away all the happy that had just bubbled out of her.

Feeling like an idiot, she burst into tears again.

Matthew didn't say anything this time. He just held her close, and gently stroked her hair, waiting for her tears to pass again. That only made her cry more.

I keep seeing flashes of your hands when I close my eyes, and I don't know why. And I don't know why. Help me make sense of what I don't understand, 'cause I've gotta know why. I've gotta know why. Tell me, why do you sing to me?

"I'm sorry," Kelly said, sniffling again once she was done crying. "Gosh, I'm such a mess!"

Matthew handed her another couple of tissues.

"Thanks," she said, dabbing her eyes, and blowing her nose.

Matthew shook his head. "For one, don't apologize. For two, you have every right to be a mess! Your ex basically just stole your children from you. The whole situation just sickens me. How that judge got her job, I will never know."

Kelly tossed the tissues into the trash, then turned her attention back to him. "I really appreciate you being here for me, supporting me through all this. It feels good to know that I'm not alone, and that I have such a good friend to get me through this," she said in all sincerity.

He gently stroked her cheek. "You're always going to have me, Kel. I'm never going to stop supporting you no matter what you go through in life—not just this."

Kelly placed her hand over the hand that was stroking her cheek. "I just want the pain to go away, you know? Can you please just help me make the pain go away?" she asked, the tears welling up in her eyes again. She didn't know what she expected him to do about this whole situation, or how she expected him to take the pain away, but he was there for her now, and that in itself was helping, even if just a little.

"I'll be there in any way that I can," he said quietly. "I love you, Kel. You know that. People don't let people they love go through things like this alone."

Kelly nodded. "I know," she said quietly through sniffles. "And I love you too. More than you know."

What happened next, Kelly didn't even see coming. Well, at the last minute she did, but it didn't surprise her any less as his lips met with hers.

She was shocked, but didn't push him away. Instead, she let him kiss her, and had no hesitation when it came to kissing him back.

And maybe it's just meant to be that you would sing to me. Maybe we're just lost at sea.

Could you come sing for me? And maybe it's just meant to be. Maybe we're just lost at sea. Would you come sing for me? Sing for me.


	6. Strange Relationship

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 5: Strange Relationship**_

Do you love me?

Or am I just another trip in this strange relationship?

You push and pull me, yeah. And I'm about to loose my mind

Is this just a waste of time?

Kelly lie in bed the next morning, thinking about the night before. Matthew had kissed her. She had kissed him back. She sure hadn't seen that one coming! Not that it had changed anything. He had just been trying to make her feel better, and she had just been overcome with distraught. It might have been a little bit _more_ than distraught on her part, but mainly distraught. Besides, Matthew clearly only kissed her because... Well, she didn't know why he had kissed her other than to make her feel better. Why he had chosen that method, she didn't know. It didn't matter anyway. He didn't mean anything more than comfort by it. He had proved that by going away with Maria and his daughter. True, the nanny was going as well, but that was beside the point.

She thought back to right after the kiss.

_They broke apart._

_ Matthew blushed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just wanted to comfort you."_

_ Kelly shook her head. "No need to apologize. I kissed you back. I was just in need of comfort." _

_ Matthew nodded. "Just a friend comforting another friend in time of need, and a friend letting her friend comfort her."_

_ Kelly nodded too. "Exactly!" Honestly, she was too upset about the whole situation with her kids to care too much about it._

_ He placed an arm around her, and gently rubbed her shoulder. "I feel bad about leaving town tomorrow now. I feel like I'm leaving you when you need me the most after I told you I'd always be there for you whenever you need me."_

_Kelly looked at him in surprise. She hadn't known he was going out of town. "You're leaving town? For how long? Where are you going?"_

_ "Maria and I are going to Tennessee. I'm going to show her some of the places I used to go as a kid. Some of my family want to meet her as well. We're going to bring Aven so she can see my family as well. The nanny is going too," he answered._

Great. One big happy family. Only, they're not a family,_ Kelly thought bitterly. Why the hell was she meeting his family so soon? she hadn't even been together a year. It bothered her so much that Maria acted like it was _she_ who was Aven's birth mother instead of Naama. Gosh, she really didn't like that girl. Leyla had been tolerable. Leyla was always very cordial to her even. But Maria... Well, Maria was a whole different ballgame._

_ "Kel?"_

_ Kelly snapped out of it when she realized Matthew was calling her. She turned her attention back to him. "Hm?"_

_ "Are you going to be all right?" Matthew asked. "Like I said, I feel so bad leaving you now in your time of need." _

_Kelly hit the air with her hand. "Oh, don't be silly. I'll be fine. Actually, I'll be gone too. My brother's flying down early tomorrow, and then we're going to head out to France to see my children for a couple days. I'll have to be home on Tuesday already to film, but I have to do what I have to do." _

_ Matthew squeezed her left shoulder. "Well, enjoy your time then. I get home on The fifth. Maybe we can get together after that."_

_ Kelly nodded, and gave him a weak smile. "I'd like that."_

_ He smiled too, then kissed her, this time on the cheek._

_ Kelly stood up then. "I guess I better be going. I'm tired, and want to get back home so I can take a bath, and get to bed. My brother's coming fairly early tomorrow, like I said._

_ Matthew stood up too. "Well, have a safe trip!" He kissed her cheek again, and held her tight. "Call or text me if you need anything."_

_ Kelly held him tightly, wishing she didn't have to let go. "Thank you. I will." She kissed his cheek._

_ They then exchanged goodnights, and he headed to leave._

_ He paused in the doorway, turned to her, smiled at her, and blew her a kiss._

_ She laughed, pretended to catch it, and blew him a kiss in return. He grinned, and "caught it," then he was gone._

_ She sighed, then grabbed her purse, and left her trailer. It had been a very long day, and right then, all she wanted was a warm bath, and bed. And maybe Matthew saying he changed his mind and wasn't going to go out of town with Maria after all. But she knew _that_ wasn't going to happen, so a bath and bed was just going to have to do._

Kelly sighed, then got out of bed. She honestly didn't know how she got up. Between knowing that Matthew was off on some family trip even though Aven had a mother that wasn't Maria, and having to fly back and forth to France for who knew how long because she could no longer have her kids live with her, she was surprised she was even functioning today.

She got ready for the day. At least she'd be seeing her kids soon. That was going to make all her depression go away. At least until she had to leave them again. She was excited to see her brother again as well. At least no one could take her brother away from her! She managed to smile at that thought. She was to the point where she had to find at least _some_ things funny. Otherwise, she'd go insane. Heck, a part of her felt like she'd already gone insane.

_You _keep acting like you own me.

I keep running, watch me walking out that door.

I hear you behind me.

Kelly grabbed her bags, and placed them by the door. Then, she waited for the cab carrying her brother to arrive. She had planned on picking up, but he had insisted on getting a cab there.

As she waited, she couldn't help but think about Matthew again. When she had come home last night, she had run the water for her bath, then checked her Twitter while she waited for the tub to fill up. She had been surprised to have a tweet from Matthew.

_"My Lord! Your beautiful!"_ he had posted along with a picture of her from that night.

She felt her heart jump a little. She didn't remember him taking that. He did take a lot of videos though. It made her think of lightt then. She hadn't been on the site in a few days. She took a look. Sure enough, there were videos of her from both the day before last night, and last night. She saw the video of her that he must have gotten a screen capture from. That was where the picture had been from.

She blushed a little. It felt nice to be in his videos instead of Maria for once. Though, she knew that, more than likely, he'd be back to filming Maria on their little trip together. It kind of took away from his tweet. It also made him videotaping her instead of Maria not quite as special as it should be. He didn't mean any of it. She knew he cared, but she had a feeling that half the things he did on Twitter anymore were strictly for show. Either that, or to get people off Maria's back. She'd seen some nasty comments people had made to Maria on Instagram. She knew she was awful for smiling at the nasty comments to Maria, but she couldn't help it. Besides, she needed all the happiness she could get nowadays.

She didn't bother responding to Matt. She loved him. She really did, but she knew he was just trying to make her feel better. At least he cared though, she figured. She didn't want to throw the fans into a frenzy either. It had been fun playing along with Matthew when she thought there was a chance for them to bet together, but now that he had a girlfriend and everyone knew it, it would just come off as pathetic on both her and Matthew's part. She was sure most of the fans weren't fooled by his most recent tweet to her anyway.

Her brother's cab arrived, and she smiled. She didn't want to think about Matthew right now. All she wanted to think about was visiting with her brother and her children. Besides, she highly doubted Matthew was thinking of her much now anyway.

Gimme that strange relationship. Never felt pleasure and pain like this. Something so right, but it feels so terribly wrong. I keep holding on. Gimme that strange relationship. One of us gotta let go of this.

I keep pushing and you keep holding on. I'm already gone.

"Can you believe that jerk?" her brother Anthony said when they arrived at the airport in France and saw Daniel there with the kids. He had the kids holding balloons, as well as a sign that read, "Super Momma."

Kelly didn't roll her eyes in case her kids were watching, but she wanted to. "Look. There's paparazzi too. I have no doubt he called them. He's exploiting the children to make himself look good. He's not allowed to do that!"

"The only trouble is, we can't prove it," Anthony stated.

"We can if I threaten to knock the paparazzi's teeth out if they don't tell me who tipped them off that we'd be here," Kelly said matter of factly.

Anthony nodded. "I'd be more than willing to help you, but you know Daniel would only use that to make us both look bad, and he'd still end up coming out the one on top."

Kelly sighed. "I'm sure you're right."

"Let's just go enjoy what little time we have with the kids. Forget that ass," Anthony said, wrapping an arm around Kelly.

Kelly smiled, and wrapped her arm around her brother, giving his back a pat. "Agreed."

And so they greeted the kids. Kelly almost cried from happiness. It felt better to have her children in her arms than it ever had before.

Her children were all smiles and happy to see both their mother and their uncle. They took turns hugging her and Anthony. Hermés hugged her then Anthony, and Helena hugged Anthony then her.

"I love you, Mommy," Hermés said to her.

"I love you too!" Kelly said, tightly squeezing him. The tears were welling up in her eyes.

"I love you, Mommy," Helena echoed when it was her turn to hug her.

"I love you too, Baby. I love you both so very much!" Kelly said. She didn't want to cry in front of all the cameras, but she was so happy and sad all at once, it was hard to hold all the tears in.

"So, how was your flight?" Daniel asked.

Kelly and Anthony glanced at each other.

Kelly didn't want to start a fight in front of her children, and Anthony seemed to read that in her eyes.

Kelly turned her attention to Daniel. "It was all right, thanks for asking. Nice touch with the balloons and signs, by the way. They're sweet."

"Well, it was the kids' idea," Daniel said with a smile. "I just bought the balloons and materials for the signs!"

"Yeah, I _bet_ it was their idea," Anthony mumbled sarcastically under his breath.

Kelly subtly elbowed him. "Mommy will be right back. Uncle Anthony and I just have to get our bags," she said to the kids. She then took Anthony's arm, and quickly walked with him over to the luggage carousel.

"What happened to enjoying our time with the kids and 'ignoring that ass'?" Kelly asked.

"I know. He's just so irritating!" Anthony said.

"We have to put up with him for just a few days. I don't want to upset the kids by starting a big argument," Kelly replied.

"Fine. I'll keep my mouth shut. For you and the kids," Anthony agreed. "But if it weren't for you and the kids, I'd introduce his face to my fist."

Kelly grinned. "Now that I'd like to see!"

"All right!" Anthony agreed, grabbing his bag, then starting to head off.

Kelly quickly grabbed her bag, then grabbed his arm to stop him. "It was a figure of speech, and you know it."

Anthony shrugged. "You can't blame a guy for trying."

Do you love me? We break up and back together, and I swore to myself never. But oh how you do me. Yeah, yeah. You strip me of my honor, and I don't ever think I'm gonna break free of these mind games. All I'm trying to do is modify my plan 'cause I can't contain you.

The little time she had with the children went by fast. They said her goodbyes at Daniel's home this time. She didn't want the paparazzi intruding on her goodbyes. They had already intruded on her hellos. Besides, this time she was sure she couldn't hold back the tears, and she was right.

"Don't cry, Mommy. We'll see each other again soon," Hermés said, gently wiping her tears off her cheeks with his thumbs.

Kelly laughed weakly. Her son was so smart, and mature far past his soon-to-be six years. She kissed his cheeks. "I know we will. We'll Skype too. I just miss you is all."

"I miss you too, Mommy," he said, hugging her tightly.

Kelly held back her tears. She knew she had to stay strong for her children. She knew that children's moods could very much be influenced by their parents' moods.

She hugged Helena next, who was crying. "Don't go, Mommy! Please don't go?"

Kelly couldn't hold back the tears. They started to fall again. "I have to, Sweetie. Momma's got to work. I promise, I'll be back real soon though, okay?"

Helena wiped the tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands. She nodded.

"You two be good for your daddy. Mommy will talk to you guys tomorrow on Skype! I'm going to want to hear everything about your school day, so remember it!" Kelly said, standing up. She had been crouched down on the floor to her children's height.

"I will," Hermés promised.

Anthony said his goodbyes to the children, then after a few more kisses, hugs, and I love yous, Anthony and Kelly hopped in a cab, and took off for the airport.

"I hate saying goodbye to them," Kelly said once the kids, who had come outside to wave goodbye to them as they left, were no longer visible.

"I know. I do too," Anthony said. He took her right hand in his left hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You're going to get them back. I just know it!"

Kelly looked at him, and sighed. "I sure hope so."

Anthony got a text. "It's from Shelly," he said. Shelly was his girlfriend.

Kelly smiled. "Go ahead and text her back then!" She winked.

She decided to check her messages and Twitter while Anthony texted with Shelly. She knew from past experience that he would be texting Shelly until they had to turn off their cell phones on the plane.

She smiled when she got to her Twitter. She had messages from so many fans showing their love and support for her. She felt so blessed. There were a lot of tweets from Matthew that she hadn't noticed before. He posted a couple of the articles about her losing her kids, and posted that he supports her, and wants other people to support her as well. He also posted that, "back at the support Kelly headquarters," he missed her. He posted a picture of the waffles he was eating since Rufus loves waffles. Except, he wasn't Rufus, and she wasn't Lily. And he wasn't eating with her. He was eating with Maria. So, that part didn't make her smile.

She sighed. To fans, it would look like a lover to lover comment, she knew. But to her, it was just another reminder that, though he truly cared about her as a friend, he just wasn't interested in her as a lover. He liked darker-haired, non-American girls who were technically young enough to be his daughter. She didn't fit any of that description, so she guessed she just wasn't good enough for him.

She ignored all his tweets, and just sent a general thank you to the fans instead. Then, she turned off her cell phone. She didn't want to think about Matthew and Maria, or any other part of the outside world right now.

You keep acting like you own me. I can't control me. You said you never really wanted me back. Well, maybe if that's a fact, may I suggest a brand new plan of attack?

And in defense of that you're hard to crack, you're way off track. I want you back, I want you gone. Maybe I'm sick of holding on.

Anthony stayed for that night, and then a couple days after, but then he went back to LA, and once again, Kelly was left alone in her apartment. It felt so cold and alone without her children. They had lived with her their whole lives. Now that they were gone, well... It was just weird. And lonely.

She was glad she at least had Oliver to keep her company.

She knew he must be missing the kids too. She took him on more walks lately, for he would just lie around at home, looking as sad, and as depressed as she was.

She was tired of being sad and depressed though. Being sad and depressed wouldn't bring her children back, she knew. She had to be strong for them. She had to be strong so that she could concentrate on getting them back. She would get them back too. She wouldn't stop fighting until she took her very last breath. She hoped it didn't have to come down to her very last breath.

She started her relaxation by lighting some candles around her bathtub, dimming the lights, pouring bubble bath into her tub, and running the water as warm as she could stand it. Then, when the water was just low enough that it wouldn't spillover the rim of the tub, to help relax her even more, she plopped a CD full of soft ballads into the portable player by the sink, and turned it to a comfortable volume. Next, used an elastic band to put her hair up in a quick, messy bun, and slipped off her clothes.

Finally, she slipped into the water leaving only her head above the surface. She rested her head on her bath pillow, and closed her eyes.

She moaned. The warm water felt so relaxing and good on her skin and tired muscles.

She let the soft music wash over her as she concentrated on happy things that wouldn't make her think of her current situations.

She thought of her and her brother watching their favorite movie together. She thought of running and playing with Oliver at the park. She thought of relaxing in some place tropical with a drink in one hand, and a fashion magazine in another. She thought of pinning beautiful things on Pinterest. She thought of sipping her Arnold Palmers with her gal pals. She thought of Matthew kissing her in a more than just friends kind of way.

Her eyes popped open. Where had _that_ thought come from? He was one of the subjects she had been trying to stay away from. She immediately shook the thought from her head. No. That kind of thinking was not allowed. It would only lead to her thinking about Maria being the only one he kissed in that way. Maria was the only one he made love with.

She shook her head. _No_. She would definitely _not_ go there.

She made herself busy by washing her body. Then, she got out of the water, and dried off. Maybe reading a book in bed would be a better way to take her mind off things, she thought.

She drained the tub water.

She was just about to go to her bedroom to slip on some clean undergarments, and her nightgown, when she heard a knock at the door.

"Who on earth could be here at this time of night?" she muttered to herself. The bathroom clock said it was after eleven.

She sighed. The doorman didn't even call her to alert her of a visitor as he usually did.

She tossed on her bathrobe, a little nervous as to whom it might be.

She left the bathroom, then grabbed her cell phone, just in case she needed to use it.

She peered out the peephole. To her surprise (and relief that it wasn't some psycho stalker), she saw that it was Matthew. The doorman must have let him up because he knew who Matthew was, she figured.

She unlocked and unlatched the door, and opened it up. "Matthew, what are you doing here?" Her tone carried surprise—not anger.

She grinned at her. "Hello, Keeley. I mean Kelly!" He laughed.

Kelly furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Something wasn't right with him.

"I was jush in the neighborhood, and decided to shtop bye." He was slurring his words. "Mind if I come in?" He pushed past her without waiting for a response.

"Matthew, are you drunk?" she asked, shutting and re-locking the door behind him.

"What? Me? Drunk? No way!" He burped loudly, then giggled. "Okay. Maybe just a bit." He held his thumb and index finger to show a tiny little fraction. He plopped himself down onto her couch. He burped again. "Sorry about my rudeness. I guess the new beer I tried didn't agree with me. Or the vodka. Or the tequila." He laughed.

Kelly plopped herself down onto the chair in front of him. "Matthew, exactly how much did you have to drink?" she asked calmly.

He shrugged. "I don't know." He grinned up at her. "I lost track after the fifth one."

"The fifth one? Matthew, what were you thinking? Where's Maria?" She was asking out of curiosity—not because she actually cared.

Matthew shrugged. "I don't know. Home, I guess. He grinned at her. "We got into a fight!" He said it like a little child bragging about something he did that he was proud of.

"Over what?" Kelly asked, ignoring the part in her that was happy they had fought.

Matthew looked at her, blinking blankly. "You know what? I don't even remember!" He laughed as if he had just said something hilarious. "All I remember is that I stormed out, went to my favorite bar, and drank until I couldn't remember what I was drinking for. Then again, who needs an excuse to drink, right?"

Kelly nodded to humor him. "Right," she said, also to humor him.

"Hey, are you naked underneath that robe?" He suddenly asked. He broke into fits of laughter again.

Kelly blushed as she remembered she was in her bathrobe. She pulled it tighter around herself.

"How did you get here?" Kelly asked.

"I hailed a cab. I didn't feel like going back to my place where Maria is. So, I gave the driver _your_ addresh. I mean, address!" He laughed again.

Kelly rolled her eyes. He was so not funny, and frankly, his laughter was annoying the heck out of her. It hit her then that Maria was at his place. Were they living together now? It wouldn't surprise her. The thought made her too sick to ask. "You should go. I can get you another cab."

"I don't feel so good," Matthew said.

Before Kelly could react, he threw up all over the coffee table.

"Matthew, no!" Kelly whined. It was late, and she was _so_ not in the mood for this.

"Come here. Get to the bathroom!" she snapped.

She got out of her chair, and helped him up off the couch. It was hard getting him to the bathroom since he could barely walk, and she had to support most of his weight. It was a miracle in itself that he didn't throw up again before she got him to the toilet.

She got him on his knees, and lifted the lid just in time before he was once again tossing his cookies, or in his case, alcohol.

"You stay here. I don't want throw up anywhere other than the toilet," she warned.

"No argument here," he muttered before throwing up again, thankfully in the toilet.

Kelly then left the bathroom, and headed into her bedroom. She slipped off her robe, and quickly tossed on a clean bra and underwear set, and her white cotton nightgown.

She then headed back to the bathroom to check on Matthew. She stopped short when she saw he didn't have his shirt on. She saw it laying on the tiled floor.

He looked up at her from his spot hunched over the toilet. "I threw up on it."

She sighed. "Are you feeling any better?"

He nodded. "My stomach is, but I'm suddenly so tired."

She sighed. "You're in no shape to get into a cab tonight. You can stay here."

He grinned at her. "In your bed?" He wriggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Kelly rolled her eyes. Apparently, he was still drunk. As much as she would love to have him in her bed if he were sober, him being drunk was somehow not as appealing. Besides, even though she was the woman and he was the man, she'd still feel like she was taking advantage of the situation.

She shook her head. "Nice try. You can sleep on the couch. It's a pullout, and according to past guests, very comfortable." She walked over to him. "Are you ready to go lie down?"

He nodded. "I think so."

So, she helped him up, and into the chair in front of the couch.

She moved the coffee table away, then pulled out the couch, and made up the bed for him. "Don't worry. The sheets and pillow case are clean. I washed them since my last guest came over."

She pulled back the covers, and helped him out of the chair, and into bed. She covered him up, then went into the kitchen to get something to clean off the coffee table.

"I'm sorry about that," Matthew said as he watched her clean it.

"Don't worry about it. No permanent harm done." After a moment, she got the last spot cleaned up. "See? All gone."

She went back into the kitchen, and ditched the dirty paper towels into her trashcan before closing the lid. She had gotten all the barf off the table, then sprayed the table with Lysol to get rid of the germs before using Windex to get rid of the streaks.

She put the cleaning supplies back where she got them in the kitchen, then she went into the bathroom, and washed her hands. Then, she grabbed the air freshener, and sprayed first the bathroom, then the area around the coffee table.

She then went back into the bathroom, put the air freshener back, and grabbed some Tylenol.

Her last step was to go to the kitchen, get a glass, fill it with water, and then set both the glass and the Tylenol on the nightstand next to the pullout couch.

She looked down at the floor, where Matthew's jeans were lying.

"I sleep in just my underwear in the summer," he stated.

Kelly sighed. "That's fine. I'm going to bed now. There's Tylenol and water here if you need it." She shook her head when she realized Matthew had dozed off that quickly.

She grabbed his jeans, figuring she might as well throw them in the wash with his shirt. She took out his cell phone that was in his pocket. She figured the right thing to do would be to look up Maria's number and call her so that she didn't worry. Or at the very least call her at his home phone. But then again, she didn't like Maria very much. And, even if not calling Maria to tell her where Matthew was made her a bitch, she figured all women were entitled to be a bitch once in a while—especially when going through something as bad as she was going though what with losing her kids and all.

So, she took Matthew's phone, turned it off, and then brought it to her bedroom.

She set it on the nightstand, then headed out to the washer, and tossed Matthew's shirt and jeans into the wash. His shoes had been setting my his jeans. She put them by the door. He hadn't been wearing socks with his shoes, so she didn't have to worry about washing those. As for his underwear, well, he'd just have to change underwear when he got home tomorrow.

After his clothes were in the wash, she headed into her bedroom, and shut the door. She hopped into bed, then looked at Matthew's phone on top of the nightstand. She put inside the drawer, and closed it. Then, she turned off her lights, and laid down, pulling the covers up over her shoulders.

"Sorry, Maria," she muttered, "but tonight, you're just going to have to worry over and wonder where he is.

She turned on her side, closed her eyes, and smiled to herself. For once, things were going her way instead of Maria's way, and it felt darn good! Even if it _was_ only for the night.

One of us gotta let go of this.

I keep pushing, and you keep holding on.

I'm already gone.


	7. I Just Want You to Love Me

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 6: I Just Want You to Love Me**_

I don't want someone telling me what to do.

I don't wanna find out my temper grew wings, and flew to you.

The next morning, Kelly woke up early. She took Matthew's clothes out of the wash, and put them in the drier. Then, she went into the kitchen, and began to make breakfast.

She made French toast, and moved onto the scrambled eggs. She wasn't quite sure how Matthew wanted his eggs, but she knew more than likely, he'd like them scrambled even if scrambled wasn't his first choice. After all, who didn't like scrambled eggs? She added a bit of shredded cheese in them just to flavor them up a bit. She knew her kids always liked cheese in them. It made her feel better cooking for someone other than herself. She missed cooking for her children.

She was just about to fry up some bacon when she heard Matthew get up, and used the bathroom.

She gathered up the bacon, and began to fry it, wondering if he would come into the kitchen, or be too embarrassed to seeing as he was only in his underwear.

Apparently, he didn't mind his lack of attire, for he appeared in the doorway a minute later.

"Hey," he said simply.

"Hey yourself," she said, flipping the bacon. She looked up at him. "How are you feeling?"

Matthew placed a hand to his forehead. "Like someone attacked my head with a jackhammer. I just took the medicine you left out for me. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I knew you'd need it." Kelly turned back to frying her bacon. "I hope you like French toast, scrambled eggs, and bacon. I'm making us some for breakfast."

"Sounds good, thanks," Matthew said.

"Your clothes are in the dryer. I washed them for you," Kelly said, not looking up from the pan. She finished frying the bacon, and reached for the first plate.

"Thanks for that too. I threw up all over my shirt last night, didn't I?" Matthew asked.

"That you did!" Kelly placed the bacon on both plates, then looked over at Matthew. He was blushing.

She smirked. "You threw up all over my coffee table too. Do you remember that?"

Matthew winced, and put his hand over his forehead. "Vaguely." He blushed an even deeper shade of crimson. "Sorry about that."

Kelly scooped some scrambled eggs onto the two plates between the French toast, and the bacon. "Don't worry about it. I got it cleaned up. It wasn't that big of a deal. It's not like you threw up all over my white leather couch. If you had, well, then I'd have to kill you." She smirked and winked at him to show she was only teasing.

"I wouldn't have blamed you," Matthew said.

"Powdered sugar for the French toast?" Kelly asked, holding up her powdered sugar shaker.

Matthew nodded. "Please."

So, Kelly shook powdered sugar over both of their French toasts, and then set the shaker down.

"I have grape juice and orange juice. Take your pick," she said to Matthew once she had gone to the fridge and opened the door.

"Grape, please," Matthew answered.

Kelly took out the pitcher of grape juice, and shut the fridge door. She then went over to the counter, grabbed them both a glass, and poured the grape juice into the glasses.

"Thank you," Matthew said as he brought his own plate and glass out into the dining room.

Kelly followed behind him with her own plate and glass. She set her food down in front of the chair that was directly across from the chair he chose to sit in, then went back into the kitchen to grab their napkins and utensils. She also grabbed the pitcher.

Finally, she joined Matthew at the table again. She handed him his napkin and fork, set the pitcher down in the middle of the table, then sat down in front of her own meal.

"I really am sorry for being a pain last night. I know that's the last thing you need right now," Matthew said to her.

Kelly shrugged. "Hey, don't worry about it. It took my mind off things if anything."

Matthew blushed again. "I kind of feel weird, eating breakfast in my underwear with you."

"Don't worry. There's not much to see anyway," Kelly said, keeping a straight face.

"You're mean. Wicked and mean," Matthew said simply.

Kelly grinned, and peered up at him over her breakfast. "Boo, hoo, hoo!" she continued to tease.

Matthew stuck out his tongue at her, revealing his chewed up French toast.

Kelly wrinkled her nose. "You're disgusting!"

Matthew took a sip of his grape juice to wash it down, then laughed. "Just getting a little playback!"

Kelly grinned. "In all serious, you know I was only teasing. You know I dream about you every night. Having you here in front of me in your underwear, well... Woo! Someone please hose me down!" She winked just in case he hadn't detected the teasing in her tone.

Matthew grinned. "I knew it! I can't blame you though. A lot of people want a piece of me." He blew on his knuckle, and rubbed his freshly blown on knuckle against his chest.

"I hope they're satisfied with an incredibly small piece!" Kelly joked again.

"Okay, now you're just being cruel," Matthew joked back.

Kelly giggled. "I tease! I tease. You know I love you and your—wait." She blushed when she realized what she had been about to say.

Matthew laughed. "Me and my what, Kel?"

Kelly blushed fifty shades of crimson, and looked away in embarrassment. "Shut up!"

"Ah, you love my—"

Kelly cut him off. "I didn't mean to say that. I got my train of though mixed up since I was joking with you about it."

"Sure, that's what it was," Matthew teased back sarcastically.

Kelly ignored that comment. "I only meant I love you as a whole. You're incredibly handsome, and you're a really good friend." She pointed her fork at him. "Don't let that go to your head." She took a sip of her grape juice.

Matthew smiled, turning serious now. He took her free hand in his. "And you're incredibly beautiful, and a good friend. I mean, it's not many friends who would take me in at an ungodly hour when I'm drunk off my ass, and then still be nice to me, and let me stay with them after I puked all over their coffee table." He winked.

Kelly shrugged. "We've been friends for almost six years now. What kind of friend would I be if I turned my back on you when you needed me the most?" She gently squeezed his hand, and smiled at him.

"A smart one," Matthew deadpanned. He then squeezed her hand in return. "But I really appreciate all you did for me last night. You're an amazing friend, and I love you."

Kelly felt her heart jump a little. "I love you too."

The drier beeped then, signaling that Matthew's clothes were dry.

"I'll go get that," Kelly said.

Matthew shook his head. "You didn't finish eating yet. Neither did I. It can wait. Besides, I've already been eating in my underwear with you. I might as well finish, right?"

Kelly grinned, and shook her head in amusement. "Right!"

They grinned at each other, then released the other's hand, and went back to finishing breakfast.

Don't want somebody telling me what's not right, but I just want you to love me. Oh I just want you to love me.

After breakfast, Matthew helped Kelly carry the dishes to the sink, then he went to get dressed back into his clothes.

As Kelly loaded the dishwasher, she couldn't help but think about breakfast with him and smile. Things had been just like old times. They had flirted, he had joked, she had laughed. Maria hadn't even been mentioned.

She sighed. "Why can't you love me in the way I want you to, Matthew?" she asked with a sigh. Of course she said it quietly, for it was only meant for her ears.

"Did you say something?" Matthew asked, coming into the kitchen, fully dressed now.

Kelly blushed, and quickly looked away before he could notice that she was blushing. "No, just thinking out loud. It helps me plan things better when I verbalize it." She hoped he hadn't heard what she said and was just playing dumb.

Matthew went over to the counter, turned his back to it, placed his hands on the countertop, and boosted himself up so that he could sit on the counter. He then looked at her. "What'cha planning?"

She sighed. "Just how I'm going to get my babies back. Helena hates it in France. I just don't know how much more of this I can take!"

"I know it's hard to, but you have to have faith, Kel. I know you'll get them back. This is just a minor setback. You have a lot of support, and I know if you keep on trying, you _will_ get them back," Matthew assured her.

Kelly sighed. "I hope so. I'm so worried Daniel's going to turn them against me. He's already got Hermés convinced that France is _thee_ place to be. I just hate him! I know I shouldn't hate, but I hate him. Gosh, I don't know why I ever married him!" She cried out in frustration.

Matthew nodded. "I understand. But remember, you wouldn't have Hermés or Helena at all if you hadn't been with him."

Kelly sighed, and hung her head a bit. "I know."

"Come here." Matthew motioned her over to him with his hands.

Kelly walked over to him, and he opened his arms to her. She walked into them, and let him hold her for a moment. She could smell the fabric softener from his clothes. It felt good to be in his arms, and it soothed her. That is, until he ruined it by mentioning Maria.

"I remembered what Maria and I were fighting about," he stated.

Kelly pulled out of his arms. _Really? I'm hurting here, and you're going to turn this back to Maria? Really?_ "What was the fight about if? If you don't mind me asking."

"I wouldn't have told you I remembered if I didn't wanna tell you what it was about," he said with a wink and a smile. "She was angry that fans were picking on her, and calling her a horse, and that I didn't stand up for her."

Kelly bit her tongue to stop from snickering.

When she didn't say anything, Matthew continued. "I told her that yelling at the fans wouldn't be very professional of me, and that it would only make things worse, and make people hate me. Heck, they'd probably hate her worse."

Kelly nodded. "I'm sure you're right."

"I told her it doesn't matter what the fans think anyway. All that matters is what I think, and I think she is a beautiful, wonderful woman, and I love her. She said if I really loved her, I'd stick up for her. I told her she is overreacting, and she said I'm not being a very good boyfriend, and that I'm acting like an ass. I told her she's acting as bad as the fans see her as. She screamed at me to get out of her face. I said, fine, then I left. I went to the bar, and began to try to drink my problems away. I honestly don't remember getting here. I just remember bits and pieces, like throwing up on your coffee table, then my shirt," Matthew explained.

Kelly felt her heart sink. He thought Maria was beautiful, and he loved her. It came straight from his mouth. Maria was an idiot for getting upset with him. Simple as that.

"By the way, have you seen my phone? I bet she's worried sick about me. I better call her," Matthew said, breaking her from her thoughts.

Kelly nodded. "Yeah, I put it in my drawer so that it wouldn't get lost or barfed on." She winked at him, then put on a smile that she hoped didn't look as fake as it was.

"Good idea!" Matthew said with a wink back and a laugh.

"I'll go get it for you." She went to the bedroom, grabbed it from her drawer, and brought it back to him.

Matthew held it up. "Thanks!" he said before getting right to dialing Maria up. "Hey, Maria, it's me," he said after a brief silence. "I'm sorry. I was so drunk last night, I stayed at a friend's. I'm so sorry about last night." He paused for a moment as she said something. He smiled. "I think we both said some things we didn't mean. Look, I'm on my way back home now. We'll talk then." He grinned. "You're so bad!"

Kelly felt her stomach churn. She walked out of the room. He would't even admit to Maria that he was at her place. "A friend's" place had been so vague. And Maria being "so bad?" She could only imagine what Maria had said. She didn't want to know.

She plopped herself down onto the couch, and tried not to cry. This was the _last_ thing she needed. She guessed the old saying was right. When it rains, it pours.

I don't wanna have to lie bout what's inside when there's always been a tiny part of me I'm trying to hide.

Matthew came back into the room a couple minutes later, the phone call over with apparently.

"Well, thanks so much for last night." He kissed Kelly's cheek. "I owe you one."

"Don't be silly. You don't owe me anything. I helped you like any friend would," Kelly said modesty.

Matthew shook his head. "You'd be surprised how many 'friends' you can't really count on when you need them the most. Thank you for not being one of them." He kissed her cheek again. "See you at work tomorrow?"

This time, Kelly kissed his cheek in return. "You betcha!"

Matthew grinned. "Great! See you then, and thanks again for last night, for breakfast, for everything."

Kelly shook her head, and hit the air. "Don't even mention it. What are friends for, right?"

Matthew grinned. "Right!" He opened the door, turned back and blew her a kiss, then left, shutting the door behind him.

Kelly walked over to the door, locked it, then turned around, rested her back against it, and slid down to the floor. She buried her face in her hands. He may have spent the night at her house last night, and he may play her former husband on TV, but in reality, he was going home to Maria, and leaving her in the dust. And, no matter how much she loved Matthew romantically, and wanted him to love her back the same way, he didn't, and probably never would.

She sighed, then got up to go take a shower.

I don't wanna see your expression when I let you down, and I just want you to love me.

Oh I just want you to love me.

Kelly arrived at work, determined to stick to her plan of not letting herself fall for Matthew. It was kind of too late for that, but she could work on it. She wasn't going to let herself fall any deeper in love with him. It wasn't going to happen. He was with Maria. He clearly wanted Maria—not her. Well, that was fine. Maybe it was better that way anyway. After all, what if she and Matthew were to date, then get into a huge argument, have a bad breakup, and end up not even being friends anymore? It would be terrible to say the least. Besides, right now, she didn't need a relationship. She had to concentrate on getting her children back, and that was that.

She didn't see Matthew at first. Even though she knew they'd never be anything more than friends, she still loved being with him, and she loved acting with him. There had never been another costar that she had enjoyed working with so much. She tweeted that she was on set with him today, for she knew the fans loved them together. She wished Matthew would take some advice from the fans.

Matthew soon tweeted her back that he was just getting ready, and that he loved their scenes in the park.

She smiled to herself. She loved them too.

It didn't take long for him to be ready, and for filming to start. They had some nice scenes, and even some downtime between takes to just enjoy the nice day.

"Let me take a pic for the fans," she said, pulling out her iphone. She kissed his cheek, and took a pic. She figured, she may not be able to date him in real life, but what was the harm in a little flirting? Absolutely nothing at all.

"Get one of us both looking at the camera," he ordered then.

So, Kelly got one. She posted the pics to Twitter, then they started up a conversation while waiting.

"So, how was that trip you went on with Maria and Aven?" Kelly asked. It was part of her plan to rid her self of her feelings for Matthew. She would keep reminding herself that he was with another woman.

"We had fun! We had a great time. Aven loved everything we did. There was even this hotel we stayed at where the rooms were on a train. It was supposed to give you a sleeper train feel," he explained.

"Really? Sounds neat!" she said, feigning enthusiasm.

He nodded. "The rooms were a little small, but much bigger than your usual Amtrak room."

He told her a little bit more about the trip, but she found herself daydreaming abut what a trip would be like with her, Matthew, Aven, and no Maria. Heck, they could even bring Hermés and Helena along. That is, if she ever got them back. Her heat sank again.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking at her in concern.

She held back her tears. "I'm just missing my kids again."

He hugged her. "You'll get them back. You just have to be patient, as hard as it is. Daniel may have won the battle, but he won't win the war."

"I hope you're right," Kelly said, relaxing into his shoulder.

Matthew broke from her then, pulled out his iphone, and it looked like he was texting something. When he stopped, he grinned up at her. "Check your tweets."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What? Why?"

"Just do it. You'll see." He smiled and winked at her.

Kelly smiled too, and pulled out her iphone. "Okay..." She looked. He had just tweeted her a picture of their shadows as she was kissing his cheek. He said their shadows were hooking up behind their backs.

She grinned at the picture, then up at him. "When did you take that? I didn't even see you take it!"

He grinned. "I snuck one when you were busy kissing me. I know, when ladies kiss me, they can't focus on anything but me," he joked.

Kelly rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Well, you _are_ quite dapper, charming, and irresistible." She played with the collar of his coat.

He grinned. "What's this? A compliment from Kelly Rutherford? Wow! I should write this one down for the books!"

She laughed, and playfully shoved him. "Shut up!"

He grinned. "Well, thank you for the compliment, Kel. I find you pretty irresistible too." His face turned serious, and he leaned in to kiss her.

Kelly's heart sped up for a moment, for she thought he was going to kiss her lips. Then she realized, he was aiming for her cheek even though his eyes had been locked on hers in an "I wanna kiss you sort of way." She held back a sigh. She should have known.

She smiled, and politely kissed his cheek in return.

"I'll always be here for you, Kel," he told her.

She gave him a weak smile. "I know." _Just not in the way I want you to be._ The thought made her sad. The situation even sadder.

There's a haiku poem inside of my head, but the words are written in invisible ink. Now the world is changing. I can barely keep up. What was hot is over. What was down is not. Now Adam and Eve are trying to split up, and I can't take anymore, 'cause I just want you to love me. Oh I just want you to love me.

Filming wrapped for Kelly before it did for Matthew. She didn't want to stay long. Being around Matthew was too painful.

"You leaving now?" he asked her when he saw her getting ready to leave.

She nodded.

"See you tomorrow?" Matthew asked her.

"Briefly, but yes." She had even less to tape than she had today.

"See you then. I'll be looking forward to seeing you." He took her hands in his own, and kissed her cheek.

She smiled weakly, kissed his cheek, and squeezed his hands. "Me too."

She had left.

The next day came by fast, and their taping went by even faster. They didn't have scenes together that day, but she did manage to take a picture of Matthew with Penn for her twitter.

Before Kelly left, she realized she might not see Matthew over his birthday. She wanted to see him on his birthday, but she figured he'd have other plans with a certain girlfriend of his.

"If I don't see you until after your birthday, have a good one," she said to him before she left.

He smiled at her. "Thanks! You might not. I'm leaving Thursday night. Maria and I are spending my birthday in California with some friends."

_Of course you are_. "Well, have fun." Kelly pat his shoulder, and gave him another weak smile. "I'll text you on your birthday."

"Okay, cool. Sounds good." He grinned at her. "I'll text you back if I'm sober enough." He laughed. "I'm sure there is going to be some heavy partying going on."

_Heavy partying going on? What was he, twenty something? _Kelly looked at him quizzically. "Are you sure you need to be drinking again? Didn't you learn your lesson after getting drunk, and throwing up all over my coffee table?"

He placed his hands over her shoulders. "Relax! I can handle myself. It's just a little bit of fun on my birthday. I mean, come on. It wouldn't be a party without a few birthday drinks, right?"

"If you leave it at a few," Kelly said.

He kissed her cheek again. "I appreciate you're concern, Kel, but you don't have to worry about me. Really. And, hey, if I _do_ get drunk, at least I'll be too far away to come bother you at your house. I highly doubt I'd be able to get myself on a plane," he teased.

Kelly smiled, but it was weak.

"And, when I get back, maybe you and I can do something together? A little late celebration for my birthday maybe?" Matthew asked, gently nudging her, and giving her a sly smile.

Kelly smiled more sincerely this time. "You just want a present!"

"Am I that transparent?" Matthew joked.

Kelly laughed. "Don't worry. You'll get what's coming to you."

"Why doesn't that sound assuring?" Matthew joked.

Kelly grinned. "You know I love you. Just text me when you get back, and we'll get together. I'll give you the present to end all presents!"

"Your presence will be all the present I need." Matthew said with a smile.

Kelly smiled back, feeling her heart flipflop again.

Matthew got a text then. He read it, and smiled. "It's Maria telling me that Aven says to hurry home! Maria says they both miss me." He quickly texted Maria back.

Kelly wanted to kick herself for forgetting even for a second that she was supposed to be getting rid of her romantic feelings for Matthew—not continuing to harbor them.

Matthew finished his text, then stuffed his phone back in his pocket.

Kelly then hugged him tightly. "Goodbye," she said.

He hugged her tightly back in return. "Goodbye. See you when I get back. Have a good weekend."

"You too." She then left in a rush, the wind blowing her trench coat behind her. She highly doubted Matthew had gotten the true meaning behind her goodbye, but there it was.

_Goodbye, Matthew. I'm gonna try my best to let you go. _

After all, Matthew had never really wanted her. She had just been someone to flirt with between girlfriends. She saw that now, and as long as she could help it, she wouldn't be fooled again.

Love me. Oh, I just want you to love me.


	8. Fear of Falling Under

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 7: Fear of Falling Under**_

Deep into the water, deep into the dark, deep into the places, stories have to start.

Peel open the layers, go in for the kill. Bite into the onion, taste it for the thrill.

It had been a lonely couple of weeks. Kelly had called Matthew on his birthday, and he hadn't been drunk, thankfully, but though he was nice, he was eager to get off the phone, and hadn't really said much to her. The call had lasted all but two minutes, if even that. She had tried tweeting him a nice message, telling him she was lucky to have worked with him all these years, and that she adores him beyond words.

He had responded to her with just a general thanks. To make it worse, though he had singled her name out, he had also added, "And everyone else" in his tweet, so really, the thank you hadn't been just to her.

She had thought he would have some kind words for her in return, but she was wrong.

He had said he was back from San Francisco, and excited about lightt.

As if Kelly cared about lightt. She had a feeling he posted more crap, so she looked, and sure enough, there he was with his precious Maria.

They had dinner or whatever with a female friend of theirs, then they went back home, and watched what looked like _The Black Swan_. Maria was draped comfortable on his couch, her arms draped over her head. Why Matthew thought Kelly would be interested in that, Kelly had no idea.

Later, he even posted a video of Maria her laying her head on his lap in a car while his daughter slept beside him. Sleeping on his lap? Really? What was she, Aven's age? Heck, even Aven was acting more normal than Maria was. Then again, Kelly knew Maria was all about smothering. She had to be glued to the hip with Matthew, and she had to try to act like Aven was hers, even though Aven's mother was alive and well. Talk about overkill. Probably a lot of it was just showing off as well.

Kelly tried her best to put it out of her head though.

Around the same time, he posted a video of Maria and him at a concert. He tweeted her about it, but she ignored him. Something about him being with Maria took away from his tweet. Though, she had to admit, it was nice he was still thinking about her even when he was with Maria. But he didn't love her in that way, and she wasn't going to let herself believe that he did. If he really wanted to be with her, he'd be with her and not Maria, and that was that.

At the end of September, she had gone to France to see her kids. It had been great, but the time flew by all too quickly again. It always did. It made her feel even worse than she had before when she got home. It made her miss them even more than she already missed them, and she hadn't even known that was possible!

Well, Kelly was tired of being sad all the time. She felt like such a loser, crying over losing her kids, and pining after a guy who didn't want her. Well, any mother would cry over losing her children. She didn't really blame herself on that one. Still, she didn't like appearing weak to the whole world. She didn't like being the victim. She didn't like appearing weak. It just wasn't her.

So, she spend the day at the spa. She needed some pampering.

The first treatment she got was a massage of course. Her masseuse was pretty darn good looking too. The only thing was, he reminded her of Matthew. He looked a lot like him. Strangely enough, the monogramed name on the shirt part of his uniform read _Matthew_, of all names.

She tried not to think about how much he reminded her of Matt. Even so, as Matthew the masseuse began to work his magic on her tense back and shoulder muscles, she couldn't help but close her eyes, and picture Matt being the one to massage her instead. She quickly started an exercise she came up where, every time she'd picture her and Matt getting romantic, she'd picture him getting romantic with Maria instead. That way, she wouldn't let herself get hooked again. So, she tried to replace her thoughts with Matt massaging Maria, but it only held for ten seconds before she felt the stress coming back. So, she found her mind drifting back to pretending that her masseuse was Matt instead of Matthew.

She bit her bottom lip as he rubbed her shoulders, using his thumbs to get out all the knots.

He then did the same for her back, pressing his thumbs at her lower back, then rubbing up her spine.

He worked on her neck, next.

Kelly bit her bottom lip. She loved a good neck rub. She pictured Matt rubbing her neck, then turning her around, and kissing her passionately, his hands roaming up her body before they started to make love right on the massage table. "Matt," she murmured, caught up in her fantasy.

"Yes, Ma'am?"

Kelly broke from her fantasy, and blushed. Had she really just called Matt's name out loud? What was she supposed to say? _"Oh, I'm sorry, I was fantasizing about a guy who happens to look a lot like you, and who—get this—also happens to have the same name as you! Isn't that funny?"_ Right. The guy would think she was psycho.

She nervously cleared her throat. "I was just wondering if you could move onto my legs and feet now. I think I'm good up here."

"Of course!" Matthew said, moving down to work on her feet.

"Thank you," she said. She relaxed, and closed her eyes. She was going to have to be more careful about whom she fantasized about. If she called out Matt's name again, it wouldn't be quite as easy to lie her way out of. She shouldn't be fantasizing about Matt anyway, she knew. After all, he was with Maria, so what good did it do? No good. That's what good it did.

"Oh! I forgot to ask if you'd like some music put on. Would you like me to put some soft ballads on? I also have beach sounds, and rainforest sounds if you'd prefer," Matthew suddenly asked.

"Um, yes. Beach sounds would be nice, please," she requested.

"Right away! Sorry I forgot to mention it earlier," Matthew said, going to put the beach sounds on.

"It's all right. Don't worry about it," Kelly said. She just wanted something to take her mind off Matt. Concentrating on sounds of the beach should do it, she figured.

"At least you still have twenty minutes left of your massage to enjoy the sounds of the beach," Matthew said once the beach sounds began to play.

Kelly smiled. "True."

Matthew then got to work at massaging her legs. She had opened her eyes, but closed them again, and let the sounds of waves wash over her. No more thoughts of Matt. She wouldn't allow it!

Got a fear of falling under, underneath the dream. A fear of going too deep, deep beneath the seams. A fear of falling under, underneath the spell. A fear of what the truth sees, secrets I will tell. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh.

The massage hadn't turned out so well. The beach sounds had ended up reminding her of when Matt had taken Maria to The Hamptons. He had made sure it was all over his lightt. Needless to say, instead of soothing her, the sounds had ended up stressing her out worse. As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the hot stones from the hot stone part of the massage had been a little bit too hot. Matthew had managed to take it off her as soon as she cried out, but it had hurt even though it had only been on her a couple seconds. Then, Matthew had informed her that she had a red welt on her back, but not to worry, it _should_ be faded by the next day. _Great._ He was very apologetic, and begged her not to tell his boss. Apparently, he was new, and she was his very first massage without supervision. _Super!_ She had been nice to him though. It wasn't her style to be a witch to anyone. Besides, he had given a great massage before the stone incident. She figured she'd cut him a break. She assured him she wouldn't tell anyone. She even tipped him a little extra just because she felt sorry for the poor guy.

Next up was a facial. She loved facials. They always left her face feeling so clean and refreshed. However, the esthetician was talking to the dermatologist that was there to observe and help. They were discussing their children.

"So, Cassie wants a cat. She's been begging me, and begging me for months now, so I'm finally going to break down and let her have one. Her birthday is next week, so I'm going to tell her then that she can have one," Tammy, the esthetician said to Darla, the dermatologist.

Darla smiled. "Aw, how old is she?"

"She's seven," Tammy said proudly.

Darla smiled. "I remember when my husband and I got our son a dog for the first time. He had just turned eight, and he promised us he would take care of it. He'd walk it, feed it, brush him, and so forth. He chose this little Chihuahua. My husband and I though, oh he's tiny and cute! He won't be a problem. The thing peed all over our furniture, barked at everything including the phone ringing, and shed all over the place. Who knew Chihuahuas shed? My son got sick of walking him after only having him a week, and he still has to be coaxed to feed him even now after we've had the thing for five years. As for brushing, you can forget about _that_ happening. I wanted to get rid of the thing, but my husband treats that thing like a second son now, so there goes that! Heck, I think he loves that thing more than my son does."

Tammy laughed. "Well, the good thing about cats is, you don't have to do much for them. They prefer to be left alone, and go to the bathroom on their own."

Kelly tuned out the rest of the conversation as images of how her children loved Oliver so much filled her brain. It wasn't long ago, that Helena was asking for a cat, and Hermés was asking for another dog. Kelly had told them no because it was hard enough getting Oliver approved to live in their apartment. Now she felt sad that she hadn't at least tired for another animal. She felt she had failed her children in more ways than one. She never should have let it get this far, where Daniel got to practically hold them hostage in France.

Needles to say, by the time her spa treatments were over, she was ready to get out of there. She had gotten her hair and nails done just for fun. At least that had gone by without a problem. Even so, she left the spa still feeling stressed. She figured maybe a shopping spree to get a new outfit to go with her freshly done hair and nails might make her feel better. So, off it was to Fifth Ave. She didn't know if it would take away her depression, but she figured it was definitely worth a shot!

Reach into a top hat, reach in all alone. Reach in for a rabbit, come up with a stone. Searching for pieces, pieces left behind. Discarded moments in the junkyard of my mind.

Kelly was really happy with her purchase. She had found a wonderful outfit complete with shoes and accessories. She could hardly wait to get home and try her outfit on. Heck, maybe she could call one of her gal pals up and see if they wanted to go out. Or one of her guy friends. All she knew was that she was ready to put this sadness behind her even if it was only for the evening.

She took out her iphone, and began scrolling through her contacts as she tried to decide whom to text to ask out to dinner.

As she scrolled, she headed out of Saks, and ran smack dab into someone. Her bags fell to the ground. She looked up, ready to apologize, and she realized it was none other than Maria. Matthew was right behind Maria.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't text and walk I guess. Maria, Matthew, how are you guys?" She tried to be nice—for Matthew's sake. Maria, she really couldn't care less about, but if Maria was cordial to her, she'd be cordial to Maria in return. But really, as big as the city was, why oh why did she have to run into them of all people? Kelly held back a sigh. Just her crappy luck she guessed.

Maria smiled, and latched tightly on to Matthew's arm. "We're doing fine, thank you! How are you?"

Kelly highly doubted Maria really cared, but she played along, resisting the urge to gouge her eyes out for holding Matthew so tightly. "I'm doing the best I can with the situation I'm in."

Matthew gave Maria a gentle squeeze, then released her so that he could pick Kelly's bags up. He handed them to Kelly. "I'm sorry about that," he said even though it hadn't been him that she had crashed into, causing her bags to fall. Of course Maria hadn't offered to pick them up for her.

Kelly took her bags from him, and gave him a weak smile. "Thanks. Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault. I should have been watching where I was going. So, how was your birthday?"

"It was great! Sorry I didn't get to talk long. I was on my way out when you called. Maria and I went out to dinner with a mutual friend of mine, and it was a really nice night," Matthew explained.

"And then we went home, cuddled on the couch, and watched some movies." Maria grabbed Matthew again, and rested her head on his shoulder. "You know, we wanted some romantic alone time, so our friend went home after dinner."

Kelly gave an extremely forced smile. "Well, I'm sorry again for running into you, Maria. I guess I better be going."

Maria hit the air with her hand. "Don't mention it. It was an accident. I'm eager to get some new clothes of my own. Matthew's such a dear. He's buying me a new dress and the shoes to go with it! Do you think I can get a purse out of him too?" She winked at Kelly.

Kelly wanted to hurl. It hurt that Matthew was buying her things. She knew he was Maria's boyfriend, so it wasn't that odd. Still, she didn't like to think of him being a boyfriend to her. "Maybe." She smiled weakly, and winked back.

"Hey!" Matthew said.

Maria laughed, and gently pushed him. "You know I'm only joking!" she pulled him in for a kiss.

Kelly _really_ felt sick then. "See you guys later!"

Maria broke the kiss. She waved at Kelly. "Bye."

"Good to see you again, Matthew," Kelly said, quickly patting his back.

"Hey, you too. I'll call you later!" he called after her.

She was already a yard away. "Mmhm!" she answered as she kept on walking without looking back. She highly doubted _that_ would happen. She was sure Maria would make sure they were too busy in the bedroom for him to call Kelly.

Kelly hailed a cab. She was suddenly no longer in the mood to go out tonight.

Got a fear of falling under, underneath the dream. A fear of going too deep, deep beneath the seams. A fear of falling under, underneath the spell. A fear of what the truth sees. Secrets I will tell. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

When Kelly got home, she put her new outfit on, and admired herself in her full-length mirror. She looked hot if she did say so herself. Matthew didn't know what he was missing! She wore a strapless red silk dress that had two chiffon sashes that came to a point between the breast area, and billowed out on each side. It went to the middle of her knees. She had had laser hair removal ages ago on her under arms and legs, but she wore nude tights anyway, just to give her legs a slightly bronzed look. On her feet, were her black Christian Louboutin platform pumps that made her legs look even longer than they already were. Her eyes were dusted with a sparkly silver shadow, lined with the darkest of black eyeliner, and coated with two coats of black mascara, making her eyes look sexy, and perfectly shaped, with long, luxurious lashes. Her foundation and powder combo made her skin look absolutely flawless. Her cheeks were lightly dusted with a rose blush, giving her cheeks a pretty blush-colored tint. Her lips were painted an apple red, which matched her dress perfectly. Her lips were also slightly glossed with cupcake-flavored gloss. Her hair was up in a chignon, with red feather rose clips clipped in between it.

For her jewelry, she kept it simple. She wore a diamond tennis bracelet with diamond tear top earrings. Her necklace was a small ruby in the shape of a heart. The ruby was outlined by tiny diamonds.

She had even gone all out, and put on some rose perfume.

"All dressed up with nowhere to go," she said to her own reflection. She sighed. "Maybe I _should_ have texted someone after all."

She briefly contemplated calling someone, but decided against it. She would fix herself dinner, and enjoy a candle lit dinner by herself. She would turn on some soft music, and just relax. Clear her mind from all distractions. And if that didn't work, heck, even if it did, she would take a nice, relaxing bubble bath after that, then crawl into bed with either a good movie, a good book, or both.

She made her dinner, and did just that. She had to admit, it _was_ rather relaxing. She didn't even care that she was alone. She was just grateful for the alone time. It was absolutely more relaxing than it would be if she was dining with someone.

The thing was, she was still hungry after dinner, and she didn't really have much at home to eat.

"Well," she said out loud, "you're all dressed up. Why not go out and be seen?"

So, she grabbed her silver clutch, and headed out to get some cupcakes from the nearby bakery. It didn't take long. She didn't stay to eat them there. She got a box, and brought them home. It made her smile when she got five compliments during the short time she was out—two on the way there, one from the baker, one from a fellow customer, and one more on the way back. It felt good for her self esteem.

When she got home, she sat down at her table, and devoured not one, but two of the cupcakes. She washed them down with a nice, tall glass of milk. She knew she really shouldn't have had two. She knew she'd probably have to work out for a couple hours to work it off, but she didn't care. They were delicious, and she figured she owed herself that much.

After her dessert, she reapplied her lipstick and gloss, set up her camera tripod, and took a few shots of herself. Maybe she'd send a few shots to Matthew, she figured, amused. She knew that was just the wine she had for dinner talking. She had only had two glasses, but she was still going to blame her stupid thought on the alcohol, as Jamie Foxx recommended.

She decided to take her bath then. She ran the bath water, and was just about to undress when she heard a knock at her door.

She glanced at the clock. It was ten thirty. She wondered how it had gotten to be so late. Better yet, who could be knocking on her door at this hour?

She went to the door. "Who is it?" she called out.

"It's Matthew!" the familiar voice on the other side of the door called back.

Kelly unlocked the door. She wondered what he was doing there. He never came to visit her uninvited. Well, besides that one night he was drunk.

She opened the door, and saw that he was wearing the same sneakers with no socks, and khaki shorts he had been wearing earlier. His blue polo was the same as well, except it was unbuttoned, and before it had been buttoned. His hair looked disheveled, and he had that glazed look in his eyes. His eyes were looking a little bloodshot.

"Hey, Kel," he said, taking her into his arms, and hugging her tightly. Mm, are you wearing cologne? You smell pretty. I mean, not cologne, _perfume_. Men where cologne, women wear perfume, right?" He laughed. "You really do smell good. Not that you don't usually. You know what I mean."

Kelly sighed. He was drunk again. If his eyes and what was coming out of his mouth were't a good enough indication, the heavy scent of alcohol on his breath sure was. "You're drunk. _Again_," she stated.

Matthew held up his thumb and index finger to her, centimeters apart. "Maybe jus' a li' bit." He laughed.

Kelly sighed again. "Why do you always come to _me_ when you're drunk?" Sheesh! After all, Maria was his girlfriend—not her. Any other time, he chose to hang out with Maria over her. Why was it the opposite when he was drunk?

"Because I love you, Kel," he said.

Kelly felt her heart melt a bit. She shook her head. He was drunk, and didn't know what he was saying. She was not about to get sucked in. Not again. "I love you need to get sobered up."

"Is that a new dress?" Matthew suddenly nodded at her attire.

Kelly looked down. She had forgotten she was wearing it. She then looked at him. "Why, yes! The whole outfit is new. It's what was in my bags when I ran into you, or technically, Maria, earlier. Do you like it?"

Matthew stumbled over to her. "Do I like? Mm, Kel, I love!" He ran a finger down the valley of her chest. I like the sash things on the side. I also like how it's tight around the bust area." He laughed. He then pulled her close to him.

Kelly cried out in surprise. "Matthew, you're squeezing me."

Matthew released his grip just enough for her to breathe again. He ran his fingertips down her bare back.

She shivered at his touch. "I love the dress it's so..." Matthew trailed off.

Kelly raised an eyebrow. "So what?"

Matthew suddenly turned green.

Kelly had never seen anyone turn green before—not even her kids! She had always figured it was just a figure of speech until now. Her eyes widened when the realization of what Matthew turning green meant. "Matthew, no!"

But, it was too late. Matthew retched, then vomited all over her new dress.

"Matthew, why?!" Kelly cried out. "Oh, ew, ew, ew!" She narrowed her eyes at Matthew, and pointed to the direction of the bathroom. "To the bathroom, now! What is it with you puking outside of the toilet? Huh?" She felt like she was scolding one of her children. In a way, she was, for Matthew was acting like a child tonight.

Matthew pointed to her dress, and laughed. "I just puked all over your new dress!"

"It's not funny! I spent a lot of money on this dress that I shouldn't have even spent. I should be saving it for the lawyer's bills, but I was depressed, and needed something to take my depression away even though it was only temporary, and— Ugh! Why am I even bothering? You need to get to the bathroom. She narrowed her eyes at him again. _**Now**_."

Matthew saluted her, then laughed. "Yes, Ma'am!" He giggled some more. "I feel like I'm on _Band of Brothers_ again, saluting and all."

Kelly took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. "You cannot kill him, you'll regret it later," she said quietly to herself. "Besides, you don't need that on your record when you're trying to get your children back."

She practically dragged him to the bathroom, then pushed him down onto his knees so that he could throw up in the toilet.

"I'll be right back. I have to go turn my tub water off in my bathroom," she said.

Matthew looked up at her from in front of the toilet. He grinned, and wriggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively. "You're going to take a bath? Mind if I join you?"

Kelly bit her bottom lip. If only he were sober, and actually meant that. Before she could respond, Matthew leaned down, and threw up into the toilet.

Kelly sighed, then left to turn off her tub water. She really needed a shower now that he had thrown up on her. She got to her bathroom, and turned the water off. She then drained it. Sadly, her shower was going to have to wait until she had Matthew taken care of.

She went back into the bathroom to find him standing there, buck naked, and grinning at her like the Cheshire cat. "Oh my gosh," she said, covering her mouth.

Matthew smirked, and looked down at his naked body, then back up at her. "Impressive, right?" he asked, the smirk still on his face.

Kelly was too shocked to answer. Her mind was reeling. She didn't know whether to be turned on because well, he was naked, or if she should be turned off because he was out of his mind drunk.

"Now how about the that bath?" He winked at her, and clucked his tongue.

Kelly smirked. "How about a shower instead?"

He grinned wider. "Sounds good, Darling!" He climbed into the shower.

Kelly smiled, and sauntered over to the shower, trying her best to look as sexy as she could.

Matthew licked his lips, and held out his hands to her. "That's it, Baby. Step out of that sexy but soiled dress of yours and come to papa!"

Kelly raised an eyebrow. _Come to Papa?_ Was that what he said to Maria? After all, he technically was old enough to be her father.

She licked her lips."Yes, my Darling." She dropped the dress so that she was only in her black lace bra, and matching black lace underwear.

Matthew moaned, and licked his lips.

She then headed over to the outside of the shower, turned the shower handle to the cold side, and pulled the handle out, hence spraying Matthew with a shower of incredibly cold water.

What came first, love, hurt, love, hurt? Oh, what came first, love, hurt, love, hurt?

Oh, what came first, love, hurt, love, hurt? Oh, what came first, love, hurt, love, hurt?

"Kelly! That's cold!" Matthew cried out.

"Good! That's the whole idea! I need to sober you up!" Kelly said.

Matthew tried to back out of the water flow, but Kelly pushed him back into it.

"You're going to stay under that water until you snap out of it, and sober up!" Kelly snapped.

Matthew shook under the water. "It's so cold!"

"Yeah, yeah, quit your whining!" Kelly snapped.

"I thought we were friends!" Matthew whined, despite Kelly's order not to whine.

"We are. That's why I'm doing this. Friends don't let friends stay drunk!" Kelly informed him. "Besides, consider your uncomfortableness payback for ruining my new dress!"

Matthew's shoulders slumped, and he didn't put up anymore fight.

After a minute passed, Kelly took pity on him. "Do you think you're sobered up now? The truth! Don't lie to me, or I swear I'll make you stay under there for an hour!"

"I'm good now!" he assured her.

Kelly narrowed her eyes at him skeptically.

"I promise!" he insisted.

So, Kelly turned off the water, and helped him out of the shower.

"Now my clothes are all wet," he grumbled.

"And my new dress is all covered in your puke," Kelly reminded him as she handed him a towel.

Matthew took the towel from her, then looked down to the floor as he tried his best to dry himself. "I'm sorry about that, Kel. I really am." He looked up at her. "Can you get it dry cleaned? I'll either pay for the dry cleaning, or if it's beyond help, I'll pay you back for it."

Kelly sighed. "You're my friend. I ca't make you pay for it."

"Well, you're _my_ friend, and I can't ruin your dress without doing something about it," Matthew shot back.

"We'll talk about it later. Right now, just get out of those wet clothes. You'll catch pneumonia if you don't."

Matthew blushed, and looked down at his pants. "What about my..." He trailed off, apparently embarrassed.

Kelly knew without him having to tell her that he was asking about his underwear.

Kelly held back a smirk. "Well, I think I have a pair of Hermés underwear somewhere. You'd probably fit into those."

Matthew shot her a look. "_Nice,_ Kel."

Kelly tried to keep a straight face. "You're right. There's no way they'd fit you. They'd be way too big in the crotch."

Matthew gasped, and Kelly started laughing uncontrollably.

"You're such a jerk!" Matthew said, though a smile was slowly creeping up on his face.

Kelly grinned. "Ah, you know I'm only teasing! Hm, well, I can give you my bath robe. It might be kind of snug, but it's something at least."

Matthew nodded. "Sure, whatever."

"I'll be right back. Kelly quickly ran to her room, and tossed on a house coat. She tied it securely around her waist. Then, she grabbed her bathrobe, and brought it into Matthew.

"I'll wait for you in the kitchen," she said.

Matthew nodded. "All right. Thanks."

So, Kelly did just that.

A couple minutes later, Matthew entered the kitchen, holding his wet clothes.

"I'll go plop those in the wash so they can be done as soon as possible," she said. She handed Matthew a cup of hot chocolate she had made while waiting for him. "Drink this. It will help to both sober you up, and _warm_ you up."

"Thanks, Kel. You're the best!" he said, taking the hot mug from her, and taking a sip. "Mm, this is good."

She smiled. "I'll be right back." She then headed to the washer, and dumped in his clothes. She threw in the soap and fabric softener, then started the washer, and rejoined him in the kitchen. She grabbed her mug of hot chocolate from the microwave, and sat down at the table, where he was sitting. She sipped her hot chocolate, then grinned at him. "You look kind of cute in my robe." She winked.

He grinned. "It's comfortable! Is this terrycloth?"

"No, it's Kelly cloth," she joked.

Matthew rolled his eyes, but grinned nonetheless. "You're such a nut!

She wrinkled her nose and grinned, then took another sip of her hot chocolate. "Yes, it's terrycloth. Feels nice, doesn't it?"

He nodded. "It sure does! I might have to get myself one of these. Only in men's of course."

"Of course!" Kelly said with a wink, and another sip of her hot chocolate.

They sipped their hot chocolates in silence for a moment. Then, Matthew spoke. "I really am sorry about your dress, Kel. You really did look beautiful in it."

Kelly smirked. "Before it got covered in your vomit you mean?"

Matthew shook his head. "Even after. You always look beautiful Kel. you don't even need a dress to look beautiful. You'd look beautiful in rags."

Kelly blushed, and looked away as she tucked a stray strand of hair from her eyes. "Thank you." She looked at him. "And you look handsome even in a lady's robe."

Matthew laughed. "Good to know!"

They grinned at each other.

Matthew finished his hot chocolate with a satisfied, Ah! "That was really good! I love how you put the whipped cream and the mini marshmallows in it. Usually it's just one or the other when you order it somewhere. Or, none at all."

Kelly smiled. "I'm glad you liked it. My kids like it that way, and so do I. It's good, isn't it?"

Matthew nodded, and licked his lips. "The best!"

Kelly downed the rest of hers.

Matthew yawned.

"Are you tired?" Kelly asked.

"I suddenly am," Matthew admitted with a nod.

Kelly stood up. "Come on. I'll make up the pullout for you."

"Thanks. I appreciate it," Matthew said.

So, they headed into the living room, and Matthew helped Kelly pull out the bed.

"Does Maria know you're here?" Kelly asked.

Matthew nodded. "I called her after I got the robe on. I told her I'm at my friends again. I didn't tell her you were the friend. She and I had gotten into a fight earlier. I wanted to invite you to join us for dinner, and she wanted it to be just the two of us. She said she doesn't want to encourage the fans to ship you and me again. She says it will only make people hate her more. I don't know. It doesn't really make much sense to me. I told her so, and it didn't go over to well. She stormed off one way, I stormed off the other. There happened to be a couple bars along the way I stormed off. I had one drink, which led to another, and another, and..." He trailed off.

Kelly nodded. "I get the picture." She grabbed the pillows and blankets, and it didn't take long to get the pullout made up.

The washer beeped, signaling it was done.

"I'll put your things in the drier. It should only take a half hour or less since it's only your clothes in there. Feel free to take them out if you're still awake when it's done," Kelly said.

Matthew nodded. "Thank you. I will."

"Well, have a good night. I'm gonna go take a shower, and head to bed," Kelly said, turning to leave.

Matthew grabbed her wrist before she could leave.

She turned around, waiting for an explanation.

Matthew looked her in the eyes. "I really appreciate all you do for me, Kel. You're an Angel. I want you to know that I know how lucky I am to have you as a friend. Your friendship means more to me than you could possibly know. And I meant what I said earlier. You don't need a dress to be beautiful. In fact, I don't think you can possibly be any more beautiful than you already are."

Kelly blushed. "Thank you. I really appreciate that. I feel so lucky to have you as a friend as well. You know how much I love and adore you. And, if we're talking about looks here, you're about as handsome as it gets!"

Matthew raised an eyebrow. "Only 'about' as handsome as it gets?"

Kelly rolled her eyes, but smiled. "As handsome as it gets!" she corrected herself.

Matthew grinned. "That's better!" He surprised her then, by pulling her down onto the bed with him. He then stroked some hair out of her eyes, and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, Beautiful."

Kelly nuzzled her cheek against his hand. "Goodnight, Sexy." She winked, then kissed his cheek. Then, she got up, and headed to her bedroom.

She closed the door, and leaned against it, closing her eyes. "Do not let him suck you in," she whispered. "He's just a flirt sometimes. He doesn't mean anything by it."

She shook her head, then headed in to take a shower before bed.

From now on, she was _not _going to fall for believing he loved her as more than just a friend. No. She knew better now.

Oh, what?


	9. Lucky Town

_**Cruel Cruel World **_

_**Chapter 8: Lucky Town**_

This time, I`ll try to love again. I`ll never lose you my friend. I`ll be there till the end. Forever. This time, I`ll take the happy pill. Chew off more than I can spill. Play until you stay forever.

Matthew had been fully dressed by the time Kelly had woken up. He had even treated her to breakfast at her favorite place once she was dressed for the day. He said it was to pay her back for what she did for him, even though she insisted he didn't have to. He insisted on writing her a check for the dress as well. He wouldn't take no for an answer.

Breakfast had been nice, but then, after kissing her cheeks, bidding her farewell, and thanking her once again, he left to go make up with Maria in person.

Kelly bet she knew how they were going to make up. It made her sick.

Now, a month had passed since the second Matthew getting drunk and coming to Kelly's place incident. It was a bittersweet day. It was the last day of filming before _Gossip Girl_ would officially be over. Well, the filming of _Gossip Girl_ that is. The night before, Kelly had been crying most the night, and knew that the tears were sure to come back. It was sad. It wasn't just that she was out of a job. She was sure she'd find something else. It was the fact that, for the last five plus years, they had all been a family. She would always look forward to coming to work after a few months off, and seeing everyone again, and acting with them. Especially with Matthew. The way things were going lately, who knew if they'd ever act together again? Right now, she wasn't even sure they wouldn't eventually drift apart. Ever since he met Maria, she had kind of gotten the shaft a bit from Matthew. It saddened her. She and he used to be so close.

The drunken thing meant nothing to her now. He still posted videos of all the places, and all the things he did with Maria. It was a daily reminder that he loved and wanted to be with Maria—not her. Now, she wouldn't even have work to keep her and Matthew together.

Kelly sighed. She didn't want to start up crying again, but it was hard not to as she made her way to the studio for the very last time. At least, the very last time on the job.

Matthew was there waiting for her. He smiled when he saw her, and draped an arm over her shoulder. "So, this is it, huh?"

Kelly nodded. "Don't remind me. I might start crying again. I'm going to miss you all so much!"

Matthew nodded. "I know," he whispered. "I'm going to miss it too. We've all become like family."

Kelly nodded. "We have," she agreed.

Matthew kissed her temple. "Don't worry, Kel. We'll still work together, you and I. After all, you and I are a team, right?" He grinned at her.

Kelly placed her arm around him, and smiled up at him. "Right!" She winked at him.

They grinned eat each other, then kissed each other's cheek in unison before heading arm-in-arm for Rufus and Lily's last hurrah.

But nobody said it would be easy now. We live in a lucky town, but the foundations are shaking. The bridges are breaking in two, but nobody said it would be easy now. I don`t want to let you down, but my heart is alight. It`s alright. Cuz it`s burning for you, and it burns right through.

"And, that's a wrap!" the director called as the clapper board clapped for the very last time of filming _Gossip Girl_.

Everyone cheered, but then their cheers soon turned into hugs, kisses, and crying. They were all sobbing like babies. It was sad. What they had come to used to in the last five plus years was now at an end. The _Gossip Girl_ part of their life was now officially gone except for the farewell party, which was now officially underway. They all decided just to have the farewell part directly after they finished taping. It seemed fitting. Besides, they were all already at the studio. There was no use in leaving, then coming back another time.

"Don't worry. We'll all have to promise we'll work together again. Even if not everyone at the same time, we'll all eventually get to working with each other again at sometime," Leighton said.

"And soon too! I'm not going to wait for like a twenty-five year reunion or something," Blake added.

Everyone voiced their agreement.

"Well, enough of this crying, mushy stuff," Josh, the show's producer stated.

"Yeah," Stephanie, Josh's fellow producer agreed. "Let's get this party started!"

As if on cue, the Black Eyed Pea's "Let's Get It Started" started playing loudly over the speakers.

Everyone immediately began to dance then.

"Care to give your TV husband a dance?" Matthew asked Kelly with an extended hand to her. He smirked.

Kelly smirked as well. "Ah, why not?" She then squealed as he practically yanked her out to the dance floor.

They both laughed as they danced to the music.

Matthew danced crazily just to be funny. It worked. Kelly found it hilarious, and found herself dancing just as crazily with him.

The other cast members pointed and laughed, then cheered them on, beginning crazy dances of their own.

Kelly was having a great time. It felt so nice to dance with Matthew like that. It helped her forget her problems for the time being, and just enjoy the music, and her time with her dear friend.

"Go Kelly!" Chase called out as Kelly let out a loud, "Woo!" and swayed her arms back and forth above her head as she repeatedly bent and unbent her knees.

Matthew followed suit, only he waved not only his arms back and forth, but his whole body as well.

Everyone was laughing, and having such a good time.

Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" came on, and everyone cheered. After all, who didn't love Lady Gaga? She had even guest stared on the show once.

Matthew took Kelly's hands in his own, and moved their arms one out, one in, then switched, the other one out, and the other one in.

Kelly laughed. "You're such a nut!" she shouted over the music.

"But you love that I'm a nut!" Matthew shouted back, twirling her around then dipping her.

Kelly smiled. "That I do!" She winked.

They continued to dance until the song was over. Then, the music volume lowered to a more comfortable listening volume as Bon Jovi's "Always" began to play.

"Do you still want to dance?" Matthew asked, his eyes lowered a bit.

Kelly slowly blinked. "I'm up for it if you are," she said quietly.

In response, Matthew placed his hands over her waist.

Kelly placed her hands over his shoulders, and they slowly began to sway back and forth to the music.

They didn't speak for a good minute, then Matthew spoke, breaking the silence. "You know, I meant what I said earlier about you and I being a team. I think you and I make a great team as both friends and actors. We should definitely do a movie together or, better yet, another TV show."

Kelly smiled. "Or both."

Matthew nodded and smiled. "Now you're talking!"

Kelly nodded. "Well, I'd love to. We'll definitely have to see about that!"

"Definitely!" Matthew moved so that his lips were practically brushing against Kelly's left ear. "I'd miss you too much if we didn't."

Kelly looked him in the eyes. "I'd miss you too," she said just loud enough for him to hear.

He kissed her cheek and held her close, then they continued to sway slowly back and forth to the rest of the song, no more words between them.

When the song ended, Matthew looked at Kelly in a way that Kelly thought looked like he wanted to kiss her. She knew better, but her heart still sped up at the thought.

"Thanks for the dance," he said. "I'm kind of getting hungry now, and they just brought out the food!"

Kelly laughed. "Yeah, I saw that. It all looks good. I don't like this song anyway. Let's go dig in!"

Matthew laughed too. "Sounds good to me!"

However, before Kelly could link her arm with his, and lead him to the food table, in walked Maria wearing a pare of skinny jeans, and black and white tunic. On her feet were black flats. She smiled when she saw Matthew, and ran right over to him, latching onto his arm, kissing his cheek, then resting her head on his chest. "I finally made it! My class ran a little late."

"Class?" Kelly asked before she could stop herself. Not that she really cared, but she was curious.

"I take cooking classes. I just joined this semester at the culinary school," she said.

"But I thought you were an artist," Kelly stated. Maria liked to draw and such.

Maria nodded. "I am, but I also love to cook. Besides, when I'm cooking, I can kind of put my art into something you can eat." She clung tightly to Matthew's arm, and smiled up at him. "Right, Honey?"

Matthew licked his lips, his eyes on her. He nodded. "Right!" He smiled back at her, then turned his attention back to Kelly as he gently rubbed Maria's arm. "She's an incredible cook. You should come over sometime, and she can cook for us all. Then you'll see how good she is."

Maria nodded. "Totally! We always have plenty left, so I wouldn't be going out of my way or anything."

_Heaven forbid you go our of your way for me_, Kelly thought bitterly. She smiled. "Sure. Sounds good!" Another night with Matthew and Maria didn't sound particularly appealing, but Kelly didn't want to be a bitch. If Maria would try to be nice to her, then she would try to be nice to Maria. Besides, who was she to pass up a good meal? Though, it would be just her luck that Maria would give her food poisoning. Probably on purpose. Kelly didn't really believe that, but in an odd way, it made her feel good to joke about it in her mind.

"Oo, I love this song!" Maria said suddenly.

_You would_, Kelly thought with a put on smile.

"Let's go dance!" Maria said, dragging Matthew out onto the dance floor without even waiting for a response.

Matthew shrugged apologetically at Kelly, then laughed as Maria continued to drag him out onto the dance floor.

They then danced together, a little too closely for Kelly's taste.

Kelly turned away from the disturbing scene on the dance floor. "Yuck!" she said.

She sighed, then headed to eat before she lost her appetite. Once again, Maria had showed up to ruin everything. Lately, it had become the story of Kelly's life.

This time I`ll try to make believe, wear my heart upon my sleeve. Just take it when you leave. It`s better. This time, I`ll be the better man. I know the world understands. Cuz greatness is overrated. You`ll see.

After the song ended, Matthew and Maria came back, hand-in-hand to the food table, and filled their own plates of food.

Kelly had already devoured half her plate. She suddenly felt like a pig. She voiced her thoughts. "I shouldn't be eating all this. I usually eat better than this. I'm going to have to work this off before it becomes a problem." She pat her stomach for emphasis.

"Oh, please, Woman! You're beautiful, and you know it! Nothing you can eat will make you anything less than breathtakingly beautiful," Matthew said to her.

Kelly smiled, partially at Matthew's words, but mainly at the look of distaste on Maria's face upon hearing her boyfriend say that about another woman. "Thank you, my Darling. I appreciate that." She smiled even bigger as Maria's distaste intensified on her face.

"Besides, we're at a party. What better time to stuff your face and your stomach, right?" Matthew asked.

Kelly laughed. "Right!"

"So ends an era. You two will no longer be husband and wife," Maria said with a wink, and a little giggle.

Kelly didn't know what was funny about that. Then again, she knew why Maria found it funny. "Well, we're going to be sure to work together on future projects, so who knows? We might just be married again eventually." Kelly winked back.

Maria smiled, but clearly, it wasn't sincere.

Kelly hid a smirk.

"Ah yes! They have brought in the alcohol!" Matthew said.

Suddenly Jamie Foxx's "Blame It" came on.

Maria laughed. "How appropriate! We totally have to dance to this!"

"With our a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, Baby!" Matthew said,

Maria laughed. "I'm down with that!"

They set down their barely touched plates, grabbed some Champaign, and headed out to the dance floor to drink and dance.

Kelly rolled her eyes. "Stupid! 'Down with that?' Give me a break!" She finished her food, and sipped some Champaign of her own as she watched Matthew and Maria dance and drink. They looked even more dumb that she and Matthew had looked dancing crazily. _So much for Matthew being hungry_, she thought. _At least for food..._

She sighed, then went to seek out Chase and Ed, and anyone else she could find that wouldn't make her want to vomit back up what she had just eaten.

But nobody said it would be easy now. We live in a lucky town, but the foundations are shaking. The bridges are breaking in two, and nobody said it would be easy now. I don`t want to let you down, but my heart is alight. It`s alright cuz it`s burning for you.

After "Blame It," Matthew and Maria had finally come back to finish their food. They finished their plates, and even had seconds. Maria had a Coke and rum, and Matthew had whatever alcohol he could get his hands on. In fact, he spent a good fifteen minutes at the bar.

Maria wanted to dance, but he told her five more minutes. He was talking with the bartender and Ed.

The three men all laughed at something.

Maria sighed, not looking too pleased, then headed to the bathroom.

Kelly downed her second glass of Champaign. That was it for her. She had to go to the bathroom too, so she headed over tot he bathrooms as well.

She went into the stall.

Maria was in the stall two stalls down.

After Kelly was finished, she came out, and saw Maria touching up her makeup at the mirror.

"Enjoying the party?" Kelly asked, partly trying to be nice, and partly wanting to see if Maria complained about Matthew.

Maria looked at her. "Sort of."

"Only sort of?" Kelly asked. She washed her hands.

"Well, as much as I love a drink, Matthew's drinking is getting a bit out of control. And, to be completely honest with you, I don't like the way he flirts with you," Maria said matter-of-factly.

Kelly took a paper towel, and dried her hands. She smirked. "Flirts with me? No. Trust me, it's not flirting. He and I are just very close. We joke around all the time, and we do have a mutual love and respects for each other as _friends_, but that is as far as it goes."

"Yeah, well I don't see why flirting has to be a part of that," Maria grumbled.

Kelly was annoyed now. "Well, I knew him first, so there's going to be a closeness between him and I even if you don't like it. I'm sorry, but it's true." She then walked out of the bathroom before she said something worse. She didn't want to argue with Maria. Heck, it wasn't like her to go off like she just had. She just wasn't herself lately. All the crap she had to go through lately was making her snap.

She headed over to the bar where Matthew was laughing with Ed and Chase as they made a bottle of soda explode.

"That's what happens when you put a starlight mint into a bottle of soda!" Chase said loud enough for anyone within listening range to hear.

Blake and Leighton both laughed, but rolled their eyes.

Matthew took another Champaign, and downed it in one swig.

Kelly shook her head. Maria was right about one thing, and one thing only. His drinking was getting out of control.

Well this time I`ll try to love again. This time I`ll never lose you my friend. I`ll stay until the end. Forever and ever and ever more.

For the next two hours, they all enjoyed the party. Old _Gossip Girl_ clips were shown, they read their favorite scenes off scripts from all six seasons, they had karaoke, and they reminisced about old times, looking at old photos from the set and behind the scenes included. At one point, a big cake was even brought out with all of their pictures on it. They all toasted with Champaign, then Josh and Stephanie cut the cake together.

They all enjoyed their cake, and reminisced some more.

Josh and Stephanie gave them all trophies they had had especially made to remember _Gossip Girl_.

Matthew got a trophy of a waffle that said _King of the Waffles! _

Kelly got one that was the word, "Bitch." There was a crown resting over the B. It read, _Queen Bitch_ of course, since Lily was a bitch most of the time. Kelly had to laugh at that one.

Leighton's was one of her favorites. It was a golden bee wearing a crown. The plaque of course said none other than _Queen Bee_, which was totally appropriate for Blair.

Ed's was a statue of the Empire State Building and read, _King of the Empire._ Blake's was a big letter "S" with the plaque reading, _Queen of the Boys._ It was another of Kelly's favorites.

Finally, the night was slowing down. Karaoke had started up again. Some were singing, some were dancing in another part of the studios to the music the DJ was playing. Others were chowing down. And some, were getting ready to leave.

Kelly thought of leaving. She wanted to say goodbye to Matthew, but saw that he was drinking again.

Maria was sitting on the couch, her legs crossed, looking bored. Once in a while, she'd shoot an annoyed look at Matthew, but he didn't seem to notice.

Kelly was going to stay something to Matthew about maybe calling it a night when it came to drinks, but before she could, he went up to the karaoke stage.

He whispered something to the guy running the karaoke, then grabbed the microphone.

Suddenly, the sounds of Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" began to play, and Matthew began to sing.

Kelly covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh my gosh." She usually didn't find drunkenness funny in the slightest, but this was just too funny!

He started swaying his hips, and when he got to the part about being too sexy for his shirt, he pulled it off, and tossed it aside.

Kelly shook her head, and continued to laugh. She looked around to see Maria's reaction.

Maria walked over near her, and smiled big as she stood and watched Matthew sing and perform.

The guys were all clapping, and encouraging Matthew to continue.

Leighton, Blake, Michelle, Kaylee, and even Stephanie were all cheering and whistling.

"Woo!" Take it all off!" Michelle joked.

Maria glanced over at her, and laughed.

Kelly fought to not roll her eyes. Maria had a problem with Matthew flirting with her (Kelly), but no problem at all with another woman joking that Matthew should "take it all off?" _Whatever._

Matthew sang about being too sexy for the party, and disco dancing, then strutted around the stage as he sang about being a model on the catwalk.

He then walked off the stage, still carrying his cordless mic, and singing into it about being too sexy for his car and his hat.

He headed over Kelly's and Maria's way.

Maria grinned widely, and held out her arms, thinking he was going to walk over to her.

Instead, he walked right past her, and over to Kelly.

He ran his free hand down Kelly's right side as he sang about being a model on the catwalk again. He shook his butt when he sang about shaking his little tush, then he gripped Kelly's butt, giving it a hard squeeze before gently slapping it.

Kelly gasped.

Maria shot them both the death glare.

He ground up against Kelly as he continued to sing. "I'm too sexy for my... Too sexy for my..."

Kelly wasn't going to flirt with Matthew in front of Maria. She knew that wouldn't be right. Besides, he was so drunk out of his mind, it kind of took away from it anyway.

He sang about the catwalk again, and let go of her. Kelly was momentarily relieved.

He shook his tush again at the "shake my little tush" part, then, when he got to the "I'm too sexy for my cat" part, he pulled her close again. Then, he nudged her right leg up, and moved it around his waist as he sang the "too sexy for my love" part.

Finally, right after he ended with the "I'm too sexy for this song," part, he bent Kelly backwards, and kissed her passionately.

Kelly kissed him back instinctively.

The music ended, and suddenly, everyone was quiet.

Kelly could see a look of realization on Matthew's face. He gently let her back up. "I'm sorry," he whispered to Kelly.

"You should be apologizing to _me_!" Maria snapped.

Matthew turned around to face Maria.

Kelly winced as Maria's hand made loud contact with his cheek. "That's it! I tried to be like Kelly, and I tried to make sure you distanced yourself from her, but nothing has worked! No matter how much I love your daughter, and no matter how I do everything you say as far as where to go, and what we'e going to do... No matter how many of the same things we like, it's never going to be enough! It's pretty clear to me your always going to be hung up on Kelly! I've been an idiot to not see that! You and I are **through**!" Maria stomped her foot angrily, then ran out of the party.

Everyone else looked away then, and quickly busied themselves with something else.

"I should go after her," Matthew stated. Still, he didn't make a move to do so. "I think I had too much to drink," he then added.

"Ya think?" Kelly asked.

"I should go to her," he said, trying to walk off to catch up with Maria. He stumbled, almost falling. He actually _would_ have fallen if Kelly hadn't caught him.

Kelly sighed. "Come on. I think you're far too drunk to talk to her anyway. Why don't you give her a night to cool off? You can stay at my place."

Matthew smiled at her. "You're the best, Kel!" He rested his head against her shoulder.

"I know," Kelly said. She then helped him out of the studios, and hailed them a cab.

She sighed as she helped him into the cab. It was going to be a long night.

But nobody said it would be easy now. We live in a lucky town, but the foundations are shaking. The bridges are breaking in two, but nobody said it would be easy now. I don`t want to let you down, but my heart is alight. It`s alright. Cuz it`s burning for you.

"Are you going to make me take a cold shower again?" Matthew asked when they arrived back at her apartment, and she locked up behind them.

Kelly sighed. "I'll take pity on you this time. I still want you to take a shower to sober up, but it doesn't have to be freezing cold. Do you think you can handle it on your own?" She had opened the window on the way back to her place, hoping the cool breeze would sober him up a bit.

"Yeah, I don't feel as drunk as I did earlier, but I really think I'm going to have to use your toilet in a minute. All this alcohol is finally fighting back," he said.

"Then go to the bathroom now before you throw up yet again on something you shouldn't!" Kelly said.

Matthew nodded, then quickly ran to the bathroom.

Kelly sighed. She headed to her bedroom, and into her closet. She took out a bin from the top shelf, then headed back to the bathroom.

The door was open, so she knew Matthew was still decent. He retched one more time, then took some toilet paper, and wiped his mouth. He then tossed the paper into the toilet, and flushed. He stood up.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

Matthew nodded. "I still feel a little tipsy, but my stomach feels better anyway. He noticed the bin in her hands, and nodded at it. "What's that?"

"Well, after the second time of you coming over and having nothing to wear, I thought I'd be prepared in case it ever happened again. I got you a pair of pajamas, a T-shirt, a pair of boxer shorts, a package of briefs, and a package of boxer-briefs, so whatever you prefer to wear, you're all set. I also bought you a tooth brush, so you're all set hygiene wise too. The toothpaste is right there on the sink. I also got you some extra strength Tylenol for the headache you're sure to have in the morning. She set both the tooth brush, and the Tylenol on the sink next to the tooth paste, and tossed Matthew the other items.

"Aw, Kelly! That's so sweet of you! You didn't have to do that! I feel bad now. You spent the money on me when you yourself said you need to save your money for your lawyer's fees." Matthew sincerely looked touched.

Kelly shrugged. "I got all the stuff at Target. It's not going to break the bank." She winked.

"Well, thank you still. It's so nice of you!" He hugged her tightly.

She hugged him. "You're welcome." She then let go of him. "Now, take that shower! No offense, but you stink. The shampoo, body wash, and conditioner are all in the shower. The towels are in there." She nodded to the linen closet.

Matthew laughed. "Yes, Ma'am!" He saluted.

Kelly rolled her eyes, but grinned as she left, shutting the door behind her.

She shook her head and smiled as she headed to the kitchen. As much as she tried to deny it, she was undeniably, irrevocably in love with him, and she always would be. There was just no way around it.

But nobody said it would be easy now. We live in a lucky town, but my heart is on fire. The bridges are burning for you, but nobody said it would be easy now. I don`t want to let you down, but my heart is alight. It`s alright cuz it`s burning for you.

Twenty minutes later, Matthew came into the kitchen wearing the blue and white striped pajamas she had gotten him, looking clean and fresh.

She grinned. "So, which underwear did you chose?" she teased. "I wasn't sure which you wore, so I got you one of each kind."

Matthew blushed. "It varies, but tonight I chose the briefs."

Kelly nodded. "Good choice! You know, I never got how guys can wear shorts and call it underwear. It would feel icky to me. It's like wearing shorts with no underwear!"

Matthew laughed. "Well, guys have different parts than women, so it's different."

Kelly raised an eyebrow. "Really? What kind of parts?"

Again, Matthew laughed. "Shut up!"

Kelly smirked, and handed him some Gatorade. "Drink this." She smiled at Matthew's confused reaction. "I did some research, and a lot of people said that Gatorade is good for hydrating, which in turn is good fro helping to sober you up. You also should get some food in your system, so I made you a turkey and mustard sandwich."

Matthew smiled. "Thanks, Kel."

"Don't mention it!" She said as she carried his sandwich to the table for him.

"I just brushed my teeth. I would have held off, had I known you were gonna make me something to eat," he said, sitting down at the table in front of his sandwich.

"I'm glad you didn't hold off. No one likes barf breath," she teased.

Matthew laughed. "Good point!" He nodded at her then. "Aren't _you_ going to eat anything?"

Kelly shook her head. "I'm still full from the party. I'm good with my chamomile tea." She held up her mug for emphasis.

Matthew ate in silence as Kelly drank her tea in silence.

It only took Matthew two minutes to finish his sandwich. He washed it down with the rest of his Gatorade.

"I guess you were hungry even after all that food you ate at the party," Kelly said; amused. She winked and smiled at him.

He shrugged. "I actually didn't eat all that much at the party. I was too busy drinking."

"Why do you drink so much?" Kelly decided to just flat out ask him.

Matthew sighed. "I don't know. I like to drink. It's fun. Of course afterwards it's not so fun, but for a while at least, it helps me to forget all my problems. I feel the happiest I've ever been when I'm drunk. I like the feeling. It's like I'm walking on air."

Kelly laughed. "Until you're puking out your guts."

Matthew nodded, then looked down at the table. "Exactly."

Kelly didn't know what to say to that, so they sat in silence for a moment.

Kelly was just about to ask Matthew if he wanted some hot chocolate, or if he was tired, and just wanted to go to bed, but he spoke first.

"We need to talk about what I did tonight, hitting on you and all," he said suddenly.

Kelly looked up at him. "It's all right. You were drunk. You didn't know what you were doing."

Matthew blushed. "Actually, I kind of did. I might not have had the courage to do what I did had I been sober, but I definitely knew what I was doing."

Kelly raised an eyebrow. Well, _this_ was a surprise. "Oh?"

Matthew nodded, then took her hands in his from across the table. "Maria was right. I want you. I know I haven't acted like it. I like being with younger women because it makes me feel young, and honestly, I sometimes feel like I'm too immature for an older woman. Also, it kind of makes me feel cool that I have such a young girlfriend."

"I think older men who date girls who are technically young enough to be their daughters are perverts—not cool." Kelly held her hands up. "Just putting that out there." Hey, it was the truth, Kelly figured. And, since he was being honest, she figured why not be honest with him too?

Matthew nodded. "Fair enough. Heck, I guess maybe there is a little bit of truth to that too. I don't know. I guess I just don't like the thought of being old. I feel like, if I'm dating someone younger, I'm not that old."

"Matthew, you're not even half way to fifty! You're not old! Come on. Anyway, you're still the same age no matter how young of a girl you date. Dating a young girl won't change anything. Besides, I think mature men are far more sexy than guys who act like boys, or who act like sugar daddies." Kelly squeezed his hand and winked.

Matthew smiled weakly. "So, you don't mind me sexy at all?"

"I didn't say that. I just like the way you act when you're with me. You're yourself. You're not trying to impress anybody for Lightt. You're Not showing off. You're just, well, you. You're my good friend, and I adore you. Plus, it helps that you're incredibly hot!" Kelly grinned and winked at him.

"So, you only think of me as a friend," he stated.

"I didn't say that either. But I'm too old according to you. I'm not in my twenties." Kelly couldn't help but say it.

Matthew shook his head. "You're not too old. Just because I've never dated someone..." he trailed off.

Kelly raised an eyebrow. "Old?"

Matthew laughed. "No! Kel, if you're old, I'm old. You may be older than me, but not even buy a year. We're currently the same age, you know." He winked. I just meant, I usually go for girls way younger than you. Way younger than _me_."

"Again, I'm too old!" Kelly said, feeling tired of this conversation already.

"Kelly, don't you get it? I'm not completely happy because I don't have you! It's always been you. You're not old, I'm just immature, and stupid. I'm having an extended midlife crisis if you would. I find you more beautiful than any woman I've ever met in my life! You're sexy, you're classy, you're beautiful, you're smart, your loving, you're a great mother, you're strong, and many other things that I can't I can't even think of right now! I've always been in love with you. I've just been too stupid to admit it. Also, I've been a little scared that you either wouldn't return my feelings, or you would!" Matthew said more intently.

Kelly raised an eyebrow. "That I would?"

"I just mean that, if you did like me in that way, and we started dating, but then it ended horribly, what would happen to our friendship? I couldn't bear to lose you," Matthew explained. He squeezed her hand, then gently rubbed this thumb over the back of her hand.

"Who's to say it would end horribly?" Kelly asked.

Matthew shrugged. "I don't know."

"I don't think it could end horribly. Even if we didn't make it as a couple, it would end amicably," Kelly stated.

"How do you know?" Matthew asked.

"Because I could never live without you. Not being at least friends with you just isn't an option," Kelly stated. She squeezed his hand, and rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand.

"So, do you have feelings for me too?" he asked her.

"Are you kidding? Seeing you with Maria has been pure torture! I just can't stand you being with another woman when you should be with me!" There. Kelly had said it. She didn't know how she had gotten the courage. She guessed it was the heat of the moment.

"Aren't you too occupied with having to deal with Daniel's crap, and trying to get your kids back to be in a relationship?" Matthew asked her.

Kelly shrugged. "For anyone else, maybe, but never too busy to be in a relationship with you."

Matthew licked his lips. "So, where do we go from here?"

Again, Kelly shrugged. "You tell me!"

Matthew stood up, and walked over to Kelly. He took her hands, and helped her up. His eyes lowered. "Well, what better way to start than with a kiss?"

Kelly's eyes lowered as well, and soon, she found herself kissing Matthew passionately, him returning the kisses with just as much passion.

Matthew picked Kelly up, and his kisses got more intense.

Kelly wanted this. Boy did she ever want it, but they couldn't make love the second they decided to start dating. She broke the kiss, out breath. "Matthew, we can't. It's too soon."

"Sure we can." He continued to kiss her.

Kelly kissed him back for a brief moment, then broke the kiss again. "Matthew, I mean it. We just decided to date. It's too soon."

Matthew sighed, then gently put her down. "All right. You're worth waiting for. I guess I'll go to bed now. Do you have the blankets and pillow for the pullout?"

Kelly didn't answer. She was too busy thinking about how good Matthew's lips felt pressed against hers. This time, it wasn't as Rufus and Lily. It was as Matthew and Kelly, and boy did it ever felt amazing. She had wanted him for so long, and now she finally had him. Was she really passing up on the chance to make love with him?

_No way in heck._

She walked right up to him, and draped her arms over his shoulders. She kissed his left ear. "Why don't you stay with me instead?" she purred. "There's plenty of room in my bed."

He looked at her in confusion. "But I thought you said it was too soon."

She shrugged. "I changed my mind. I'm a woman. It's allowed."

Matthew grinned happily. "In that case, it'd be a pleasure!" He picked her up, and Kelly giggled.

They kissed all the way to the bedroom.

Matthew kicked the door shut behind them, then laid her down onto the bed.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed as he undressed Kelly.

"And you're so sexy!" she said as she undressed him in return.

They both kissed each other's skin as it was exposed.

"Lucky for you, I'm on birth control to keep my skin clear," Kelly said with a smile. "Of course it would be only for your skin because you must not have to worry about reproduction anymore. I mean, given the fact that you're so old and all." He smiled and winked at her.

Kelly gasped, and pushed him. "You're such a jerk!" She grinned. "I still have a good ten years in me at least, thank you."

Matthew laughed. "You know I was only joking. Even if you weren't on birth control, we wouldn't have had to worry anyway. I have a condom in my wallet." He blushed then. "Gosh, I hope this conversation doesn't take the romance out of this."

Kelly smiled, and gently stroked his cheek. "Don't worry, it doesn't."

"Because I really do love you, Kel. Being able to make love to you is a dream come true for me," Matthew said to her.

"Trust me, it's a dream come true for me too. I just don't want things to be weird for us after this," Kelly said, still stroking his cheek.

Matthew kissed her. "I promise, it won't."

"I have a question first." Kelly stated.

"What is it?" Matthew asked.

"They actually make condoms that small?"

It was Matthew's turn to gasp.

Kelly laughed. "Payback!" she said with a smile and a wink.

"Haha, very funny," Matthew said. He grinned nonetheless.

Kelly took his face between hers and grinned. "I love you."

His eyes lowered. "I love you too. Are you sure you want this? Because I don't want you regretting anything later."

She put a finger to his lips. "Sh, I'm with you. I'd never regret being with you. Are _you_ sure about this? I don't want you to regret anything either. I mean, you might still be a little drunk, and —"

Matthew cut her off with _his_ finger to _her_ lips this time. "I know exactly what I'm doing, don't worry. I want this as much as you do. And I feel the same way. I'd never regret being with you, Kel. I love you so much. Like I said before, I always have. I know I always will too."

"Then, what are you waiting for?" Kelly asked quietly. She pulled him down closer. "Make love to me."

His eyes lowered with love for her. "With pleasure."

He clicked off the lamps beside the bed, then took her into his arms, and kissed her, the kisses soon turning into so much more.

But nobody said it would be easy now. We live in a lucky town.


	10. Who Would Have Thought?

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 9: Who Would Have Thought? **_

Nobody told you that a heart is like a deep, deep freeze.

So many lies, so much of it broken.  
Nobody told you deep within a well so cavernous, that maybe I could shed some light on...

The next morning, Kelly woke to Matthew's right arm draped around her.

She slowly turned around, and saw that he was still sleeping. She figured she'd let him sleep. After all, she knew he would probably be hungover, and therefore in pain once he woke.

She sighed as she thought about what had happened last night. She wondered if it was a mistake. He had promised her he knew what he was doing, but she still worried he had just been drunk, and that he would regret it all once he woke up and realized what he had done. Maria had just broken up with him that same night. What if she (Kelly) was just his rebound? What if he woke up, wanting to make things right with Maria now that his mind was clear? Though he had said last night that it had always been Kelly that he loved. That that is why it hadn't worked with anyone else. But, sometimes when people were drunk they said things they didn't mean. True, sometimes they'd say what was really on their mind that they never had the courage to say sober, but what if this wasn't the case? Or, what if he didn't even remember last night? He had been pretty drunk. She had sobered him up, but what if he wasn't as sober as she had thought he was?

Kelly closed her eyes. Last night had been so amazing. So incredibly amazing. She was more in love with Matthew than ever now. It sure seemed to mean something to him last night.

_"You're so beautiful, you know that, right?" Matthew asked as he kissed her and made love to her._

_ She placed her hands over his temples, and held his face as she looked into his eyes. "It's always nice to hear," she said with a smile._

_ His eyes lowered and he kissed her again. "You're so beautiful. You're the most beautiful girl in the world."_

_ She blushed. "I'm not a girl anymore. I'm a woman." She still felt old, seeing as he went for younger girls. She had never been good enough for him before, and she had a feeling it was because of her age. _

_ "Well, lucky for you, I _need_ a woman. I finally realized that girls just aren't going to cut it for me anymore." He kissed her yet again._

_ Kelly kissed him in return. Oh how she loved kissing him like this—especially now that it wasn't in character._

_ "You are the most beautiful _woman_ in the world, Kel. I'm just sorry it took me so long to admit to myself how much you really meant to me—how in love with you I am," he said._

_ "It's okay," Kelly said with a smile. "You were _so_ worth the wait."_

_ They grinned at each other._

_ "Well, you aint seen a thing yet, my Darling," he said to her, his grin widening._

_ Her grin widened too, then he covered her lips with his own._

_ Soon, they were kissing passionately, and making love even more passionately. _

_ Kelly closed her eyes, and dug her fingers into his back as he made her feel good in parts she hadn't even known she had._

Matthew started to stir. He turned on his side, his arm leaving her waist. Still, he didn't wake.

She gently pushed some stray hair out of his eyes. He was so beautiful when he slept. Of course he was deliciously handsome awake, but there was something about him sleeping, looking so innocent... He just looked beautiful. She stroked his cheek. He had a slight stubble. She didn't usually like stubble on men, but on him, it was just sexy. She snuggled down next to him, and wrapped her arms around him. She then closed her eyes and thought about last night again.

_"That was amazing," she said once they had finished making love._

_ "Incredible," he agreed, kissing down her neck to the valley of her chest._

_ She titled her head back, and tangled her fingers in his hair._ "I wish we hadn't taken so long to do that."

_He looked at her. "It was my fault. I take full responsibility."_

_ She shook her head. "No, first you were married. Then, I was going through a painful divorce for the second time and wasn't quite ready for a relationship yet. By the time you split from Naama, you already had Leyla. I guess I was already talking about not being ready for a relationship then. Then, I had Marcus, then was freshly broken up with him."_

_ "We were both single for a couple of months," Matthew reminded her._

_ "But you were in California a lot, and I had to travel a lot so the kids could see their father, now I'm going through this custody crap, flying to France every three weeks. It seems like the universe is conspiring against us!" Kelly said._

_ Matthew gently stroked her left cheek. "I know it may seem that way, but we're together now, aren't we?"_

_ Kelly nodded. _

_ "I think we just weren't trying hard enough. That is what I take the blame for. I needed to stop waisting my time on girls technically young enough to be my daughter, and realize what—who—was right in front of me the whole time, and had been for almost six years!" Matthew said._

_ Kelly smiled, and stroked his left cheek in return. "Well, I could have told you how I felt about you a whole lot earlier. I guess I was just scared of rejection."_

_ Matthew looked a little sad. "I'm sorry you had to feel that way. I'm sorry that you didn't feel you could tell me without me rejecting you."_

_ "Sh... Will you stop apologizing? This isn't your fault!" Kelly smiled, and continued stroking his cheek. "Besides, we're together now, and that's all that matters, right?"_

_ Matthew grinned. "Right!" His eyes lowered again. "And, now that I have you, I'm never gonna let you go."_

_ Kelly's eyes lowered too as they kissed again._

_ They kissed until Matthew drifted off to sleep with Kelly in his arms. Kelly hadn't been far behind, for she had never felt more safe, protected, and loved in her entire life than she did right there, right then in Matthew's arms._

Kelly sighed in contentment at the memory.

Matthew started to stir then, bringing herself back to the present. She hadn't regretted a thing about last night. The question was, did Matthew?

Just then, Matthew slowly fluttered his eyes open, and looked up at her.

Kelly took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. She guessed she was about to find out!

Who would have thought it could be amazing?  
Who would have thought the tiny courageous?  
Who would have thought that love so belated could save me,

and bring me back to you?

Matthew looked at her, and immediately, he grinned. "Good morning, Beautiful!" He reached up and stroked her cheek.

She grinned in return, feeling her heart start to palpitate. "Good morning, Handsome!"

He gently pulled her closer, and they kissed.

Matthew broke the kiss after a moment, and hungrily licked his lips as his eyes scanned her body. He then gently stroked her cheek again, and looked into her eyes. "Last night was incredible," he said, his eyes still locked on hers.  
She smiled, and blushed. "So, you don't regret it?"

He looked confused. "No. Why would I regret it?"

Kelly shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought that maybe, even though you thought you knew what you were doing last night, maybe you were still a little drunk. Or, I thought that maybe you'd regret hooking up with me the same night Maria broke things off with you. I thought maybe you might want to get back with her." She looked away. That last part would be unbearable now. Especially with everything she was already going through, having lost custody of her children and all.

"Hey," Matthew said gently, moving her chin so that she was forced to look in his eyes again. "Didn't you hear anything I said last night? I knew very well what I was doing. As I told you last night, it's always been you. You're the reason it never works out with someone else. I can't be with anyone else when my heart belongs to you, and always will!"

Kelly nuzzled her cheek against his hand, which was placed over her cheek. She smiled, and looked deeper into his eyes. "Really?"

Matthew nodded. "Cross my heart, and hope to die." He crossed his heart with the index finger of his free hand.

Kelly smirked. "Well, don't die yet! We just got together!"

Matthew laughed. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." He winked at her with a playful smile.

"I'm also glad you remembered last night. I was afraid you might forget!" Kelly admitted.

Matthew laughed. "Trust me, Kel. There is not a chance in hell that I'd ever forget making love to you." Her kissed her neck. "Besides, you sobered me up, remember?"

Kelly nodded. "I know, but..." She trailed off.

"But nothing!" Matthew straddled her, and started kissing down her neck again. "Mm, making love with you was even better than I dreamed it would be. You are so incredibly sexy, and _amazing_ in bed." He started nipping at the skin on the side of her neck.

Kelly closed her eyes, and moved her head to the side, giving him more access, as she sighed in delight.

"I just can't get enough of you. I want you even more now than I did before," he said as he ceased his kisses, only to kiss her breasts. He took them into his mouth, first the left, then he moved onto the right. His hands roamed down her body. "I have to have more..."

Kelly swallowed hard, and gently gripped his hair. He sure know how to get a woman all worked up! She bit her bottom lip. "Don't you have a hangover, or a headache, anything like that?"

He looked up at her. "Nope! Besides, even if I did, I wouldn't let it stop me from making love to the most perfect woman in the world!" He grinned at her, then slid back up her body, to take her in his arms again, and kiss her passionately.

She moaned into his kisses, and hungrily kissed him back, her tongue fighting for dominance with his.

He moaned as well, his hands roaming back down her body. His intent was clear.

It took all of Kelly's willpower to stop him, but she did. She grabbed his wrist to stop his hand from going any further.

He looked up at her with confusion. "What's wrong?"

Kelly took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. Matthew wasn't going to like this, and she knew it, but it had to be done. She decided to just come right out and say it. "We can't do this anymore."

Nobody told you there'd be days of silence that no one heard.  
A river swells and overwhelms you.  
And nobody told you deep within a heart so ravenous that maybe I could spare a beat for...

Matthew blinked a few times, as if trying to comprehend what she had just said. Finally, he spoke. "Huh? You changed your mind about us that fast?"

Kelly shook her head. Are you kidding me? Of course not! I'll never change my mind about us. What I meant was, you have a problem with alcohol. You drink way too much, and far too often."

Matthew looked away. "I don't drink _that_ much!"

Kelly rolled her eyes. "Um, yes, you do. Matthew, you came to my house drunk three times, and the three times not being that far from each other at that. That's not even counting you getting drunk last night, and me having to bring you back here."

"Well, when you put it _that_ way," Matthew grumbled, still not looking at her. "Still, it's not that much."

"I know it's not the only time you've gotten drunk, Matthew. What about that night I went to the club with you and Maria? You were drunk then too!" Kelly pressed.

This time, Matthew looked at her. "We were at a club though! Who doesn't get drunk at a club?"

Kelly crossed her arms over her chest. "I didn't. I bet a lot of other people don't either. Hello, designated drivers! Not everyone is irresponsible, you know."

"So now I'm an irresponsible drunk? Why are you being so mean?" Matthew asked her. "I thought we were finally going to be together!"

"We are, but Matthew, you have got to stop drinking. You have a serious problem. I heard stories in the past about your wild nights and getting drunk, but I didn't want to believe them. Now, after seeing you get drunk on several occasions, several occasions close together at that, I have to believe them. You can't keep doing this to yourself, Matthew. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just stating the facts so that you can get the help you need. I want you to get help because I love you, and I want to be with you!" Kelly said, making sure he got how serious she really was about this.

"Where did you hear I get drunk a lot? Who told you?" he asked.

Kelly sighed. "I'm not going to rat anybody out. Though, I'll admit, you told me the majority of it."

Matthew blushed, and looked away. "I don't remember telling you any such thing!"

"Over the years, there have been several occurrences where you came to me bragging about a wild, drunken night you had with the boys. Heck, even with Leyla at one point. And Maria, for that matter," Kelly explained.

"Have any of my friends that you've met said anything?" Matthew asked.

Kelly nodded. "I'm not going to say anything more about it other than you need help. I think you should go to rehab."

"Where did this come from all the sudden?" Matthew asked, sitting up straight.

"I've just seen and heard about it over the years, and even more now recently. If you and I are going to be in a relationship, I want to make sure we start it off right, and that means getting you sober," Kelly stated.

Matthew raised an eyebrow. "And if I don't?"

Kelly looked away. "I don't know." She looked at him. "I'll be disappointed you wouldn't do this one little thing for me. If you really love me the way you say you do, you'll do this for me. I just want you to get better, Matthew. You need to do it for you. Do it for me." She took his hands in her own, causing him to look into her eyes. "Do it for us."

He sighed. "Does it have to be rehab?" he asked.

Kelly looked at him in confusion. "Where else would it be?"

"With you," he stated simply. "Let me stay with you. I'll live with you for however long it is for you to be satisfied. You can monitor me, and make sure I don't take another drink."

Kelly sighed. "Oh, I don't know. I am not a licensed councillor."

Matthew shrugged. "I'll start going to AA meetings. You can come with me to make sure I go to them."

Kelly thought about it for a moment. "Well, I don't have to leave for France until three weeks. I suppose we could try it for three weeks. But I want you to start your AA meetings right away!"

Matthew nodded. "I will! I promise. I'll look on the Internet later today, and see where I can find one."

Kelly grinned. "All right! Three weeks it is then."

"Wow, we move fast! Living together all ready!" Matthew teased.

Kelly laughed. "But no sex!"

Matthew's face paled. "What? Why?"

"I told you, I don't want to make love with you anymore until you're good and sober. I'll give you this three week trial, and then maybe, if you're doing well, I'll give you a reward." She ran her hand up his chest, and kissed up his neck, nipping up the side as he had done for her earlier. "If you know what I mean?" she purred.

He moaned. "Okay. It will be great motivation to keep me going."

She grinned at him, then kissed his lips. "Thank you so much for agreeing to do this for us, Matthew. It means a lot to know that you care about us enough to do this out of the blue. That you listed to me."

He gently stroked her cheek. "I'd do anything for you, Kel. Of course I'd listen to you! And I'd also do anything for us. I didn't wait this long to have you to stop now."

Kelly grinned, as did Matthew, and they kissed. And kissed. And kissed.

Kelly then gently pushed him away. "I have to go shower now." She noticed the eager look on his face, and added, "Alone!"

Matthew pouted. "That's not fair."

"The better you behave, the better your reward will be in the end," Kelly said with a wink and a smile.

Matthew grinned. "Can I use the other shower?"

Kelly grinned, and grabbed her clean clothes. "But of course!" She smiled and winked again, then disappeared into the bathroom.

She smirked as she shut the door, and heard Matthew groan in complaint.

I had to find you, had to let you know that you weren't alone, that  
we didn`t make the rules.  
I had to find you, had to get right back to you...

"Its a good thing we were able to find an open meeting. Thanks for agreeing to come to this with me," Matthew said as he squeezed Kelly's hand outside of the AA meeting. After their showers, they had gone for breakfast, then went to Matthew's place to pack some clothes. Matthew had also looked up AA meetings, and found that there was one today. So, they went back to Kelly's, dropped off Matthew's things, then headed right over to the meeting.

Kelly smiled at him. "Thank you for agreeing to go. I know I just kind of sprung the whole thing on you today. It's good of you to go the same day I brought it up!"

Matthew kissed her hand. "I told you I'd do anything for you, Kelly. That includes this."

Kelly pulled him close, and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said, his eyes lowered with love for her.

"Are you ready for this?" Kelly asked, nodding toward the building.

Matthew nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"I'll be with you every step of the way," Kelly promised. She squeezed his hand.

Matthew kissed her temple, and squeezed her hand in return.

They then headed into the meeting together.

When they got there, they saw that there was about fifteen other people there. At least it wasn't a huge group, Kelly thought. She didn't want Matthew getting scared away before they even started.

They took their seats, and soon after, the meeting began.

There were a lot of interesting stories told. Each person in there had a story to tell. It reminded Kelly of that old saying, _"Everybody has their demons."_

She was pleased to see that everyone was facing up to their alcoholism. They weren't proud of it, and they wanted to change. She had a lot of respect for people like that.

The meeting was almost over when the woman in charge, Cassidy, turned to Kelly and Matthew. "I see we have new members! Would either of you like to say anything? Of course, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. We never put anyone on the spot, or make them do anything they don't want to do here."

"Oh, I'm just here for moral support!" Kelly said, holding up hers and Matthew's hands, which were firmly clasped together. "I'm Kelly."

Cassidy smiled at her. "Everyone let's give Kelly a warm welcome!"

"Hello, Kelly!" everyone said.

Kelly smiled, and waved. "Hello."

Cassidy turned to Matthew again. "And what's your name? Would you like to give us your story?"

Kelly thought for sure Matthew would give his name, but politely decline on telling his story, but to her surprise, he stood up, and talked to the other members. "Hello. My name is Matthew, and I'm an alcoholic."

He looked back at Kelly, who smiled at him encouragingly.

Everyone greeted him. "Hello, Matthew!"

"Hello," Matthew said, turning back to face everyone, and waving shyly.

Kelly knew he must be nervous. She had never seen him act shy before.

Matthew stayed standing in front of his seat instead of going up to the podium, but he did begin to tell his story of never really being happy with himself. Of how his drinking problem started out when he just wanted to party, and have a good time with friends. He admitted that he feels immature sometimes, and tried to fix the problem by dating younger girls and hanging out with younger people. He also admitted that he would drink whenever he had a problem, but he realized that it was the drinking that was a problem. His lifestyle and who he hung out with was the problem. He then finally admitted that he himself was the problem for letting it get this far. In closing, he said that now he has a reason to get out of this drunken hole he got himself into.

Everyone clapped for him when he was done.

He thanked everyone, and took his seat.

Kelly smiled at him, and gently squeezed his hand. "I'm so proud of you!" she said to him.

He smiled at her, and kissed her cheek.

"I want to thank everyone once again, for sharing, and feeling that this is a trustworthy place. I assure you that everything said in this room will stay anonymous and confidential. You all should be very proud for taking the first step—admitting that you have a problem. Your homework for this week is to find a sponsor if you don't already have one. And, if you do have one, spend time with your sponsor or anyone who will help you turn from your addiction. Spend time with people who will not make you want to head for a drink. And, as always, realize that there is a higher power out there, Who is there to help if you just learn how to ask. I'll see you all next week, same time, same place. This meeting is adjourned! Now feel free to stay and mingle over refreshments and coffee." Cassidy winked, then that was that.

Matthew took Kelly's hand, and stood back up.

"Let's get out of here, and go get some lunch. I don't feel like mingling so soon," he said to her.

Kelly nodded. "All right."

"I'm glad no one seemed to recognize me," Matthew said as they headed back out onto the street, hand-in-hand.

"Well, you're really not that famous," Kelly stated.

Matthew gasped, and playfully pushed her. "Hey!"

Kelly cackled. "I'm only joking!"

Matthew sighed. "No, you're right. Still, I would think in New York _someone_ would recognize me. I mean, I guess I'm glad they didn't, but still..."

"Well, look on the bright side. At least you don't have any drunken fans," Kelly joked with a smirk.

"I thought they'd _have_ to be drunk to be my fan," Matthew teased, making a dig at himself.

Kelly nodded. "True."

"You're so mean," Matthew grumbled. A smile played at the corner of his lips.

Kelly laughed agin. "Hey, you're the one who said they'd have to be drunk to be your fan—not me!"

"But you agreed, which is mean," Matthew stated. His smile was peering out a bit more.

"Well, how about I make it up to you? I'll treat you to lunch, then we'll go home, and I'll give you a nice massage," Kelly suggested.

"Will you be naked when giving the massage?" He wriggled his eyebrows up and down at her suggestively, and grinned.

Kelly rolled her eyes, and playfully shoved him. "You're such a perv!"

"Please? Since I was so good at my first meeting today? I spoke and everything!" He grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her close.

Kelly smiled, facing him. "All right. Since you were such a good boy today," she teased. She gently stroked his cheek.

"Yes!" He grinned, then his eyes lowered, and he kissed her softly on the lips.

Kelly kissed him back, then moaned, and broke the kiss. "But still no sex!"

Matthew groaned. "Ah, you're killing me, Kel!"

"Yeah, yeah, tell it to your AA sponsor!" Kelly joked.

"I just did! You are my sponsor, right?" he asked.

"If you want," Kelly said, taking his arm, and leading him down the street.

"You _know_ what I want," he told her, his tone filled with seduction.

"Do good for three weeks, and we'll talk!" Kelly said.

Matthew sighed. "This is going to be the longest three weeks of my life!"

Kelly smirked. "You'll survive." She pulled him close, and kissed him hard.

Matthew licked his lips and moaned. "Longest three weeks ever!" he muttered. Kelly grinned as they walked hand-in-hand to find a good place to eat.

I had to find you, had to let you know that you weren't alone, and we didn`t make the rules. I had to find you, had to get right back to you.  
It`s always been you. Now, tell me who would have thought it could be this amazing? Now who would have thought the tiny courageous? Tell me who would have thought that love so belated could save me, and bring me back to you?


	11. Insatiable

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 10: Insatiable**_

When moonlight crawls along the street, chasing away the summer heat.

Footsteps outside, somewhere below.

The world revolves, I've let it go.

The next three weeks went by fast. Kelly was impressed. Matthew hadn't gone out to a single bar, nor had he had even a taste of alcohol. He had been going to his meetings regularly. True, he had only gone to three meetings, but he was doing unbelievably well.

Kelly had to leave to be with her kids in France the next day, but she wanted to reward Matthew for being so good. He was currently out with his buddies working on lightt, which surprisingly didn't bug her anymore since it no longer showed Maria in every frame, or in _any_ frame for that matter.

She took the opportunity to spruce the bedroom up for her surprise for him.

She changed the sheets, putting on the new sheets she had secretly bought the other day. They were purple satin. She had washed them first. She always liked to wash linens before using them even if they were new. If all went well tonight, which she knew it would, she would be washing them again in the morning. Not that she mined.

She smirked at the thought.

After the sheets were on the bed, she sprayed them down with a hypoallergenic sheet spray that smelled like lavender and chamomile. She had gotten it from the aromatherapy collection at the spa. It was suppose to relax you and soothe you into sleep. She figured it would be good for after their long night. She wasn't worried about it making sleep come too soon for them. No man had ever fallen asleep before she was ready for them to, and she knew Matthew wouldn't be any exception. She also knew she certainly wouldn't be falling asleep early either. Not if her first night with Matthew was any indication of what tonight was going to be, which she was sure it was.

She had also washed the rest of the blankets, and the comforter. She now remade the bed with them, spraying more of the spray between the layers.

Next, she spread rose petals all over the bed, and down onto the floor, leading to the doorway. She knew it was a cliched move for a guy to make, but for a woman to be the one doing so, she thought it would be sexy and cute.

She set up scented candles with lavender and vanilla. She knew once they were lit, it was going to be a scent overload, but lavender and vanilla were aphrodisiacs. Not that they needed any help in that department, but the extra help even though it wasn't needed certainly couldn't hurt, she figured.

She had her portable CD player in the room with her mix CD she had made of songs to help set the mood. She had looked some up online, and made a list. There were so many, she made a CD for them to listen to while having their food at dinner, and then she made one for them to listen to while they had each other in bed.

Again, she smirked at the thought.

The best part of her surprise was what she currently had on. She was wearing a super tight red dress that clung to every inch of her body, displaying her hourglass figure. It went to her mid thigh. It came down in a V-neck all the way to a couple inches below her breasts, and had laces that laced criss cross all the way across the V neck. The sides of the dress had cutouts that were also crossed by criss crossed laces. The side cut outs went from right below the breastbone to right above the buttocks. It had come with a matching red G-string, but Kelly chose to go for a classier rout. Not that the dress was all that classy, but it was all the more reason for her to need a touch of class she figured. Instead of the G-string, she wore black lace bikini-style underwear. She figured she'd let him work to see her butt instead of just giving it to him right off the bat. She wore a red lace bra, red in case her straps showed at any point.

She put her hair up in a messy bun, and pinned tiny faux diamond clips around it. She put her foundation, concealer, and powder on, leaving her skin looking flawless. She lined her eyes in black liquid liner, then dusted them with a silver eyeshadow. She had just a hint of blush on, and her lips were red and glossy. All the better for leaving kiss prints all over Matthew's body, and marking her territory she figured with yet another smirk.

She had her nails painted red with silver tips, and on her feet were silver strappy heels.

She admired herself in her bedroom mirror. She looked darn good if she did say so herself.

Everything was set for tonight, including the dinner, which was already waiting at the table. She had made lasagna, green beans, salad with Italian dressing, and garlic bread. To drink, she had sparkling cider.  
She spritzed on her rose petal perfume, and was good to go. Now, all she needed was Matthew, and she could begin her night of seduction.

She moaned to herself. She hoped he got there soon before she burst!

We build our church above the street. We practiced love between these sheets.

The candy sweetness scent of you. It bathes my skin, I'm stained of you.

When Matthew came through her door using the spare key she had given him, she ran to him, and practically jumped into his arms. She pulled him close, and kissed him passionately, causing him to drop the keys to the floor.

He moaned, and placed his hands over her waist, pulling her body closer to his own.

After a bit, Kelly broke the kiss. "Welcome back, handsome."

Matthew grinned at her. "What did I do to deserve _that_ welcome? Not that I'm complaining." He grinned, and winked at her before bending down to pick up the keys he had dropped. He set them on the nightstand, then shut the door, and locked it behind him.

"Well, you've gone three weeks without drinking. I think that's cause for celebration!" Kelly said with a smile and a wink of her own.

He looked her body up and down, just then taking in what she was wearing. He whistled. "Wow. Look at you! Kel, you are _smoking_ hot in that dress! You should dress like that more often!"

Kelly smiled even brighter. "Thanks! But if I dressed like this more often, then what would I wear for you when trying to seduce you?" she purred, pulling him close, and gently nibbling at his earlobe.

He moaned, and pulled her close again, this time so that their lower halves were touching. "I think it's more about what you _don't_ wear," he murmured, his hands moving to her butt. He gave it a gentle squeeze.

She grinned. "That comes later. Right now, we eat before it gets cold." She took his hands in hers, and led him to the dinning room.

"You cooked?" he asked with a grin.

"Don't sound so surprised! Sure, I'm not an upcoming cook like Maria, but I can still l carry my own in the kitchen." Kelly hadn't wanted to mention Maria's name. It had just slipped out. She had only meant to get her point across.

Thankfully, Matthew didn't even seem to notice.

He looked over the meal she had prepared for him, and then pulled her close from behind, and kissed the back of her neck. "I'm sure it's delicious as it looks. Besides, you made it, and that's all that matters." He turned her around, and took her face between his hands as he kissed Kelly slowly and softly. "I love you," he said when breaking the kiss.

Kelly's eyes lowered with so much love for him she thought she might burst. "I love you too," she said quietly.

They kissed some more.

Suddenly, Matthew's stomach started to growl.

Kelly broke the kiss, and they grinned at each other.

"Like I said," Kelly said with a sly smile, "let's eat!"

Matthew laughed. "Yes, lets!"

And so they sat down to eat.

Kelly could hardly wait to get dinner and dessert over with. After all, once they were both over with, then the _real_ dessert could begin.

As she had many times earlier in the day, she smiled at the thought.

And all I have to do is hold you.

There's a racing within my heart, and I am barely touching you.

"Mm," Matthew said, patting his stomach after finishing his second helping of dinner. "That was delicious! Watch out Martha Stewart!"

Kelly blushed. "You don't have to kiss up _that_ much."

Matthew shook his head. "I'm not kissing up! Honestly, Kelly, that was delicious. Thank you."

Kelly blushed. "You're welcome, and thank _you_."

"But of course, you're much sexier than Martha," Matthew said. He ran his socked foot up her leg, running it up to her thigh.

Kelly smiled at him from under her lashes. "We still have dessert."

"Well, then let's get straight to it, shall we?" he asked, starting to stand up.

Kelly smirked, and shook her head at him. "First I have actual dessert. I made us some red velvet cheesecake brownies." She got up, and began to clear the dishes.

"Sounds good!" Matthew pulled her down into his lap. "But I'd rather skip right to having you." He kissed her hungrily.

"Kelly broke the kiss. "Come on! I worked hard on them." She pouted for show.

Matthew sighed. "Oh, all right. Since you worked so hard on them, I'll have one." Kelly grinned. "Good! Besides, you know how the old saying goes." She brushed her lips against his left ear. "Good things come to those who wait. And I do mean, come."

Matthew groaned. "Kel..."

She hopped off his lap. "Stay put! I'll be right back!" She stacked their dishes and cups like an expert, and brought them into the kitchen. She dumped them into the sink for the time being, then brought out new dishes and cups. Then, she went back into the kitchen, and grabbed the dessert, as well as the milk.

Once she had everything on the table, she served it, then sat back in her seat.

"Mm, these are delicious!" Matthew said. "I think I like these even better than the dinner! Even though the dinner was delicious too of course."

Kelly grinned. "I'm glad." She took a bite of her own. "Mm, these are pretty good if I do say so myself." She licked her lips, and noticed Matthew watching her.

She took another bite, making it slower this time. "Mm, so good!" She licked her lips again, this time more slow and seductive.

Matthew took a big bite of his brownie, and swallowed it.

Kelly noticed how forcefully his Adam's apple bobbed, as if he had swallowed hard.

She continued to eat her brownie, making sure to keep her eyes on his this time as she licked her lips every once in a while.

Matthew finished his brownie before she finished hers, but he waited for her. However, he didn't wait very patiently. He tapped his foot on the floor, and drummed his fingers on the table until she finally swallowed the last of her brownie.

"Mm, she said, slowly licking her fingers from the base to the fingertip. She let her teeth gently graze her fingertip before she pulled it out of her mouth. "Delicious!"

Matthew's eyes were now filled with what Kelly knew all too well as lust.

She smiled at him, then stood up. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Care to take a bubble bath with me?"

With reflexes like a cat, he was up and out of his chair. He ran to her as fast as Superman, and lifted her up off the floor, and into his arms.

Kelly laughed. "I'll take that as a yes?" she asked with a smile, her arms draped around his neck.

His eyes lowered, still filled with lust. "Uh... Yes!"

She giggled, and then they kissed all the way to her bedroom's bathtub.

Turn the lights down low, take it off.

Let me show my love for you insatiable.

Turn me on, never stop. Wanna taste every drop.

My love for you insatiable.

Kelly ran the bath water as warm as she could stand it. She knew exactly where to turn the knob without even having to feel the water. She poured in some bubbles, then set the bubble container down, and turned her attention back to Matthew.

She unbuttoned his blue and green shirt, and kissed every bit of his chest as she exposed it. She got down on her knees, and kissed his stomach as she undid his jeans' button.

He let his fingers tangle in her hair was he watched her every move.

She slowly unzipped his jeans zipper with her teeth.

He moaned. "Kel, you're going to be the death of me, but it's so going to be worth it."

She grinned up at him. "You know it!" She yanked down his jeans.

He stepped out of his jeans, and kicked them aside.

Kelly kissed him over the front of his briefs then, causing him to moan even louder.

"This bubble bath better involve a whole lot more than bathing, I'm telling you right now," he said.

She grinned up at him. "Oh, don't worry. I plan on it!" She yanked down his underwear in one swift swoop.

He eagerly stepped out of them.

She tossed them aside, then shimmied back up his body. She pulled him close, and purred into his left ear, "Now it's your turn."

He moaned again. "With pleasure!"

She turned around so that he could unzip the zipper. He unzipped it slowly, running his fingertips down her back as he exposed it.

Kelly shivered, and he began to kiss down her back as if to warm her up.

He then turned her around, and gently slid the dress off her shoulders. The dress dropped to the floor, and he licked his lips when he saw her in her red lace bra and black lace underwear.

"Do you like?" she asked, an eyebrow raised, and a smirk playing on her lips.

"Like? Mm, Baby, I _love_," he murmured, searching for the latch in the back of her bra, and looking very confused when he didn't find it.

Kelly giggled. "It's in front this time."

He quickly turned her around, then grinned when he found it. "Clever," he said; impressed. "And incredibly sexy."

"Well, what do you know? Incredibly sexy is exactly what I was going for," Kelly purred.

Matthew undid her latch. "I'm not as good with my teeth as you are," he teased.

Kelly smirked. "It's all right." She pulled him close, and brushed her lips against his left ear. "You make up for it with your tongue."

He moaned, and slid the bra straps off her shoulders. The bra fell down to the floor, and he kicked it aside before taking her right breast in his mouth, letting his tongue maneuver over it. After all, apparently, his tongue had a reputation to uphold.

She threw her head back, and let her fingers tangle in his hair. "Not exactly where I had in mind for your tongue to go, but it's off to a good start," she said.

He released her breast, and grinned at her. "All in good time, my Love." He then took her left breast into his mouth, and repeated his tongue actions.

Kelly bit her bottom lip, and moaned. She could only take so much foreplay. She had to have him, and soon. Just not yet. The longer they waited, the better it would be. She knew that. "Mm, the water's getting to the top," she murmured, vaguely aware that it would spill over soon if she didn't turn off the water.

Matthew released her left breast from his mouth, and turned the water off for them. He then turned his attention back to Kelly. He placed his hands over her hips, and got down on his knees in front of her. He nipped at the waste band of her underwear, pulling it out a bit, then letting it snap back to her stomach.

"Is this where you want my tongue to go?" he asked, using his fingers to gently massage her over the crotch of her underwear.

She moaned, and bit her lip, throwing her head back for just a moment. She then looked at him, her own eyes filled with lust this time. "You know it is."

He grinned. "Well, as you said earlier, my Love..." He brought his lips to her left ear. "Good things come to those who wait. And I do mean come." He slowly pulled her underwear down.

She moaned. "You're going to be the death of me," she said, using his line. She looked him in the eyes, her own eyes narrowing with lust. "Now make it worth it."

He licked his lips. "You know I will!" He picked her up, and carried her into the tub. He sat down with her in his lap.

She moved herself so that she was straddling him, and she pushed a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. "Do you want me?" she asked.

"You know I do," he said.

She moved the hair of his eyes again, then whispered into his left ear, "Then take me!"

Matthew licked his lips. He didn't have to be told twice! He pulled her closer and kissed her, as he slowly and gently entered her.

Kelly threw her head back, closed her eyes, and bit her bottom lip. "Yes..." she moaned.

Matthew bit his own lip, and tried his best not to rush things. He just wanted her so badly, but at the same time, Kelly was so beautiful, and so perfect, he never wanted this moment to end. So, he forced himself to take it slowly, no matter how hard (in more ways than one) it was to do so.

No words were said as they made love, Kelly moving over him slowly, Matthew gently thrusting into her, keeping the same rhythm she was.

They kissed, their tongues lazily playing with the other's, his hands over her waist, her arms draped over his shoulders.

They quickened their pace toward the end, their breathing getting heavier as they both neared their climaxes.

Their kisses became more frantic.

Matthew kissed and nipped down Kelly's neck as he took her more forcefully, his rhythm quickening.

She gasped, her moans echoing off the wall.

This caused Matthew to moan as well.

Kelly kissed up his neck, then every so gently nipped at his skin as she made her way back down. Then, she licked a warm wet trail back up the same path she had just nipped at.

His hands went to fondle her breasts.

She threw her head back and moaned, her body shaking as he took her harder. He was close, and she knew it. She knew it because of his sudden more intense thrusts. It was fine with her, for she was close too...so close.

It was't even another minute before she felt the waves of passion, her vision blurring, and her mind getting muddled as she felt her climax rush through her like a tidal wave through the ocean.

"Matthew, yes!" She screamed. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Matthew moaned loudly, and gave her one final thrust before he had his release as well. "Kelly!" he screamed. "Kel..." He moaned again.

His moans paired with his final thrust into her had made her climax again. She screamed his name, and threw her head back as her body shook once again with her climax.

Matthew kissed, licked, and nipped at the skin of the front of her neck as they both struggled to come back down from their orgasmic highs.

It was moments before either of them could speak. They just stayed in each other's arms, holding the other tightly, and trying to regain their regular breathing pattern.

After a bit, Kelly smiled up at him. "I don't think we got very clean in this bath."

Matthew raised an eyebrow at her. "Was it ever your intention to? Because, let me tell you, it certainly wasn't mine. I myself expected to get down and dirty." He grinned at her, and wriggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Kelly laughed. "No, it wasn't really my intention," she admitted. "I wanted to get down and dirty too. I think it's safe to say, mission accomplished."

Matthew licked his lips and nodded. "I say we get down and dirtier..." He began to fondle both her breasts, rubbing his thumbs over the nipples. "Do you think you're up for the challenge?"

Kelly bit her lip bottom, then licked her top lip. "Oh, _I_ am. The question is..." She began to gently stroke his groin. "Are you?"

He bit his bottom lip and moaned. "Kel, you _know_ the answer to that."

She smiled. "Just making sure." She pulled him close, and kissed him good and passionate. Then, she pulled away. "Give me a minute, then come into my room." She got out of the tub, and smiled over her should at him. "But not a moment longer!"

"No worries here," he murmured.

She grinned, then grabbed a towel, wrapped it around herself, and headed into her bedroom to set up their perfect night.

The moonlight plays upon your skin. A kiss that lingers takes me in.

I fall asleep inside of you. There are no words, there's only truth.

Breathe in breathe out, there is no sound. We move together up and down.

We levitate our bodies soar. Our feet don't even touch the floor.

"It's been a minute exactly! I'm coming out, and I'm not wearing any clothes, so be prepared!" Matthew called from the bathroom a minute later.

Kelly giggled. "Come on out, Sexy!"

Matthew did so.

She licked her lips, loving that she could see him naked whenever she wanted now. Loving that she could have him inside her whenever she wanted as well.

Matthew looked around the room at the lit candles and the turned down bed with the rose petals all over the bed and floor. "Wow. Did you just do this?"

"I just turned the bed down and lit the candles. I also just turned the music on, but everything else was here when you got here," Kelly answered.

"It was? I didn't even notice!" he said.

She grinned. "That's because we were a little preoccupied.

He grinned as well. "True."

"So, you like?" she asked.

Matthew nodded. "It's wonderful, Kel. It smells really good in here, and that music is sexy."

Kelly grinned. "The lavender and vanilla scents are supposed to be aphrodisiacs. The music is a mixture of my taste, and yours."

"I love it! But, I don't need scented candles, you know." He pulled her close. "_You're_ my aphrodisiac." He kissed down her neck. "But this towel really needs to go."

Kelly smiled. "Your wish is my command!" She stepped back, then let the towel slip off her body, and down to the floor.

Matthew licked his lips as he eyed her body.

Kelly licked her lips as well as she looked at his body. She could see that his body was just as ready for her as her body was for him.

"Bed. Now," he ordered, gently pushing her backwards down onto the bed.

She moaned as she fell down onto the bed, and he straddled her.

He moved her legs so that they were wrapped around his waist. He wasted no time then, in making love to her again.

Kelly's eyes immediately rolled to the back of her head. "Oh. My. Gosh. Matthew, yes!" she screamed. She couldn't believe how good he was.

"Mm, it's good to know you love it just as much as I do," he purred, his rhythm hard and firm.

Her eyes filled with lust for him, and she took his face between her hands, kissing him hard and passionate, her tongue thoroughly exploring his mouth. She placed her hands over his back side, and forced him to take her quicker and harder. She clenched her muscles tightly, giving him the ultimate pleasure as he moved over her.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head a bit. "Kel..."

She gently bit his bottom lip, and looked into his eyes. "Am I good? she asked, trying to look innocent. "Good in the ways I need you to be, and bad in the ways I need you to be," he said with a grin.

She grinned too. "You wanted down and dirtier, you're getting it!"

His eyes were clouded over, and narrowed with lust. "Mm... Indeed I am."

He kissed her roughly, yet passionately.

Then, they continued to make love, keeping it down and dirtier, just as they both wanted it.

This time, they came together, their screams of pleasure seemingly loud enough to wake the dead.

Kelly was panting, and out of breath by the time he pulled out of her, but Matthew wasn't done with her just yet.

He sucked her breasts, gently scraping his teeth over her nipples.

She bit her bottom lip and moaned, tangling her fingers in his hair.

He then kissed her breasts, then moved down to her stomach, his fingers playing with her breasts and nipples as the rest of him moved down her body.

"What are you doing?" she asked breathily.

He grinned up at her. "I believe I promised you a little attention down in this general vicinity...with my tongue."

"You don't have to..." Kelly trailed off. She wasn't going to try to convince him too hard that he didn't have to. She just wanted to put it out there, so that he didn't feel obligated. "But if you want to, then by all means..." She didn't want him changing his mine either.

Matthew grinned at her. "I'm a man. You're a beautiful woman. I'm in love with you. Of course I want to!"

"Well, then, by all means. After all, a promise is a promise, ri—" She didn't even get to finish saying the word "right" before his tongue was already exploring her most intimate area.

She threw her head back, her eyes rolling back with her head. "Oh..."

His hands continued playing with her breasts. His fingers continued playing with her nipples. His tongue continued playing with her clitoris.

She whimpered, already feeling so close to her next orgasm as his tongue moved in a slow and circular motion.

When she felt she couldn't take anymore, he quickened his pace, darting his tongue in and out of her, and then again in a circular motion over her clitoris until not having an orgasm was no longer an option for her.

She gripped his hair even tighter and screamed out his name as she came, moaning as his tongue continued to lap her up.

Her toes curled. She hadn't even known his tongue could go that far, but apparently, it could.

He crawled back up her body, and grinned. "Good?"

She narrowed her lust-filled eyes at him. "Amazing!" She then flipped him over so that she was the one on top now. "Now it's my turn," she purred, licking her lips as she eyed her prize.

He moaned, his hands moving to stroke her hair. "You don't have to, but if you do, I will forever be grateful." He grinned.

She grinned too. "Trust me, this is definitely something I've been wanting for a very long time."

She kissed down his chest, but didn't take too long with the foreplay before taking him into her mouth. She had waited long enough.

"My _gosh_, Kel!" he cried out in pleasure as she took him all in at once. She then slowly moved her mouth back up, letting her teeth scrape ever so gently against the underside of his shaft. She then licked the head in a slow and circular motion, then across the tip. Then, she took him all the way in her mouth again, grinning at the sounds of his uncontrollable moans.

"You're so good at this!" he gasped.

He hadn't seen anything yet. She moaned, causing a vibration over his groin.

He cursed as his hips instinctively flew up.

She pressed his hips down and he continued to moan until he could no longer hold back.

He screamed her name, along with a more explicits as he came hard down her throat.

Kelly moaned again, and hungrily drank down everything he had to offer.

She released him from her mouth, then licked the head once more quick before crawling back up his body.

He moaned, apparently unable to even speak yet.

That was fine with Kelly. All she wanted to do now was kiss anyway.

They kissed hard and passionate until just kissing ended up not being an option anymore.

Soon, Kelly found herself riding him. She liked it this way even better with him on top. She threw her head back and screamed his name. And to think, all this time she could have not only had the man of her dreams, but she could be having the sex of her dreams as well. It was official—she was never letting him go.

When they were both nearing their climax, Matthew moved them in one swift motion so that Kelly was pinned beneath him again.

Kelly wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, just wanting her climax already.

Matthew paused over her to tease her. "Are you sure you want it?"

Kelly narrowed her eyes at him. "You know I do."

"But do you _really_ want it?" he teased with a mischievous grin on his face.

Kelly pulled him close, and stared deep into his eyes. "Give it to me before I find someone else who will."

It was _Matthew_ who narrowed his eyes at _her_ this time. "Don't even think about it!" He brushed his lips against her left ear. "You're mine now," he purred. He then entered her immediately. "You're never going to find it as good as with me. You know that, right?" he asked. He thrust into her hard. With each thrust, he pulled out almost all the way before thrusting back in hard, forceful, and as deep as he could manage.

Kelly screamed in delight, and made sure to clench around him again, as well as to thrust her pelvis to match his thrusts. "I know!" she barely managed to answer. She placed her hands over his backside again, and helped him slam down even harder into her.

"Say my name," he ordered.

"Matt," she gasped.

"Louder!" he ordered.

"Matt!" she said, throwing her head back, so overcome with pleasure.

"No one is a good as I am. Are they, Kel?" he asked.

Kelly shook her head.

"Say it!" he barked.

"No!" she said.

"No what?" he asked.

"No one is as good as you are!" she yelled.

"Who do you mean by 'you?' Say my name!" he insisted.

Kelly moaned. She was so close she _needed_ him to finish her off. So badly... "No one is as good as you are, Matthew, so just make me come already!" she screamed.

Matthew was the one to lose it first this time. Apparently, her words were too much for him. He screamed out her name as he continued to thrust in and out of her, riding out his orgasm, and wanting her to come too. "Don't worry," he promised, "I'm not going to stop until you get yours too. You more than earned it." He pulled almost all the way out, then slammed back into her hard as he could. He knew just the right spot to hit. He paid attention when they made love.

It worked. She came, and it hit her like an earthquake. She usually wasn't one to curse, but she was alternating between screaming out his name and cursing as she dug her fingers into his back, her toes curling from such the intense pleasure he had just given her.

For a couple minutes, neither of them could move.

Matthew stayed inside of her, and they just held each other, panting, trying to regain their breathing back to normal, and trying to come back down from their orgasmic high.

Finally, he gently slipped out of her, then collapsed down beside her. "Wow," was all he could say.

Kelly, still panting, and out of breath, smiled. "That. Was. Incredible."

Matthew looked over at her, and nodded. "That is was." He kissed her. "And then some." He gently stroked her right breast with his left hand, and her left cheek with his right hand. "I love you so much. I wish you didn't have to leave for France tomorrow."

Kelly sighed, and kissed his right cheek. "I know. I wish you could come with me."

He kissed her. "Next time maybe. I'm just busy with lightt right now, and I don't want to miss my AA meeting."

"Well, it will only be for a week at least." Kelly frowned. "I'm going to miss you terribly though."

Matthew's eyes lowered with love for her. "I'm going to miss you even more terribly."

They grinned at each other, and kissed.

"But, you know what they say," Matthew said. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Kelly grinned. "Indeed it does." They kissed some more, then they blew out the candles, and held each other. The lights were already out.

"I love you, Kel. More than you could ever know," Matthew stated.

Kelly stroked his cheek. "If it's half was much as I love you, then I know."

Matthew's eyes lowered with love for her, and they kissed.

They then cuddled in each other's arms, and soon drifted off into a peaceful, and satisfied sleep.

But nobody knows you like I do 'cause the world may not understand that I grow stronger in your hands.

Turn the lights down low. Take it off, let me show my love for you insatiable.

Turn me on, never stop. Wanna taste every drop. My love for you insatiable.

The next morning, they woke up at the same time. They were facing each other, which caused them to be looking into each other's eyes when their eyes fluttered open. They grinned at the other.

"Good morning, my Darling," Kelly said.

Matthew grinned. "Good morning, Beautiful."

"Kelly stroked his cheek. Last night was so incredible. Thank you."

Matthew looked at her in surprise. "Thank me? Thank _you_! Wow, Kel. You were amazing."

Kelly grinned. "_I_ was amazing? As good as you were last night, I'll be lucky if I can walk!"

Matthew grinned proudly. "Well, I hope you _can't _walk. Then you won't be able to get on the plane to France and leave me."

Kelly stroked his cheek again. "You know I wouldn't leave you if it weren't for my children. But my kids always have to come first, just as I'm sure Aven comes first to you."

Matthew nodded. "I'm not saying I don't understand. I understand completely. I'm just saying, I'm going to miss you is all."

Kelly smiled. "It's only for a week, then I'll be back, I promise!" She pulled him close, and kissed him softly.

Matthew broke the kiss, and stroked her cheek. "Feel like giving me something to hold me off for a week?"

Kelly laughed. "I thought last night would hold you off for a month!" she joked.

Matthew shook his head, and licked his lips. "With you, I'm never satisfied. I always want more."

Kelly raised an eyebrow. "So, what you're saying is, I'm not satisfying in bed?"

"Of course not! What I'm saying, is you're so good, I can never get enough!" Matthew kissed down her neck. "I'm greedy when it comes to you."

Kelly smiled. "Well, that works out well, because _I'm_ greedy when it comes to _you_."

"So, what do you think we should do about it?" Matthew asked, his hands moving to slowly run over her breasts.

Kelly's eyes lowered. "I'm sure we'll think of something," she said with a grin.

Matthew grinned too, then pinned her down underneath him in one swift movement.

Kelly cried out in surprise, and giggled until Matthew's lips muffled anymore sound.

She moaned, and let him take her away yet again.

We never sleep, we're always holding hands, kissing for hours, talking and making plans. I feel like a better man, just being in the same room.

We never sleep, there's just so much to do.

So much to say can't close my eyes when I'm with you.

Insatiable the way I'm loving you.

An hour and a half later, they had made love, she had showered—alone so as not to be late—and gotten ready. She had already packed earlier in the day before Matthew had come home yesterday, so now, she was all ready to go.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you to the airport?" he asked her as they waited in front of her apartment complex for a cab.

Kelly shook her head. "No. But, I think it will be easier if we just say goodbye here. They won't let you in the terminal without a ticket anyway, and I'll be in a hurry. My plane arrives in an hour."

Matthew sighed. "I'm going to miss you so much!"

Kelly stroked his cheek. "I'm going to miss you too."

They kissed for a bit, then the cab pulled up.

Matthew sighed as the driver got out, and loaded Kelly's bags into the trunk for her.

"Next time, I'm going with you," Matthew reminded her.

"I'm going to hold you to that!" she said with a smile and wink.

She pulled him close, and they kissed passionately for a moment. Then, she broke the kiss, even though Matthew was tugging her back to his body. "Goodbye for now, my Darling. I'll see you in a week, and I'll call you! Maybe we can Skype!"

He pulled her back for one last kiss. "You can count on it! Goodbye for a week." He pouted.

She grinned, and held his face between her hands, giving his lips a quick peck before hopping into the cab.

The driver closed her door for her, then hopped in the front.

Kelly rolled down the window, and waved to him. "I love you!" She blew him a kiss.

"I love you too, Kel. I miss you already!" He blew her a kiss in return, then waved until the cab sped off and out of sight.

Kelly sighed as she sat back in her seat, and rolled her window back up. "I miss you already too, my Love. I miss you already too."

Oh baby, when I look in your eyes. Insatiable.

The way I'm loving you, oh what can I do? Insatiable.

Insatiable for you. Insatiable.


	12. Heart Attack

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 11: Heart Attack**_

I've cracked. My temper's spat. Hot coal, fire and acid jack.

I've been used. I feel abused. Something you've done has lit my fuse.

And I take my theories back. Maybe Karma aint all that.

Coz you do whatever you please. Everybody else is left to bleed.

The week had gone by too fast. It was bittersweet. Bitter because Kelly hated saying goodbye to her children. She never had as much time with them as she wanted. Saying goodbye to them, and seeing the tears in their eyes was like ripping her own heart out. The one sweet thing was knowing she could see Matthew again. Knowing that he could kiss her, make love to her, and just be there for her. He could make her feel loved, and less lonely.

She texted him on the way home, giving him her arrival time, and asking if he was going to pick her up at the airport. They had texted in the beginning of her trip, but once the middle of the week hit, he practically stopped texting her back. He ignored her text about Skyping, then the next one when she told him she missed him, he just texted back, "Miss you too," and nothing more. She chalked it up to him just being busy with both lightt and his AA meetings. She also figured he didn't want to bother her when she was in France, spending time with her kids.

She waited for his text back, but he didn't respond.

She sighed. He was probably at a meeting whether it be for lightt or AA, she figured.

She closed her eyes. She just wanted to rest up a bit. The jet lag from traveling from NY to France and back again got her every time.

She ended up sleeping for a good half hour. When she woke, she found a text from him waiting for her.

_Sure, I can pick you up. I'll be there. _

"That's it? No telling me you miss me?" Kelly muttered to herself as she quickly texted back a response.

_Thank you, my Darling. I miss you so much! I can hardly wait to see you again. You. Me. My bed. Or yours? Either one works for me. ;-)_

This time, Matthew got back to her after only a minute.

Kelly clicked open the text with a smile on her face. She was sure he'd have something fun and sexy to say to her in return. Her smile quickly turned to a frown as she read his text.

_Um, we can go back to your place._

Kelly bit her bottom lip. That didn't sound too reassuring. It wasn't like him to not be all for making love to her, and for him to not have some flirty, perverted text back to her. Again, she texted him back.

_Is something wrong?_

Matthew didn't text her back.

Now Kelly felt sick. Matthew not texting her back certainly meant something was wrong. What could it be? Did he have a drink while she was gone? He had only been three weeks sober. That wasn't very long for an alcoholic to be able to resist temptation on his own. Did he have a slip up? She was his sponsor, and he hadn't called her, but maybe he hadn't wanted to bother her. Kelly wondered if he had someone else to talk to when he had temptations. She now felt bad for leaving him with no one.

She sighed. Well, whatever it was, she'd find out what it was when she got home. She just wished she didn't still have four hours left of her flight. It was going to be torturous waiting now.

You're a heart attack. Your heart is black.

It's whack. Your mind is jacked. How did anybody ever get like that?

You're a heart attack. You stabbed me in the back.

If you pull your punches jack. I'm taking everything back.

You hit me harder than a heart attack.

When she arrived at the airport, she didn't see Matthew until after she had claimed her bag at the baggage claim.

She ran over to him, and kissed him passionately.

He hadn't run to her, but he did open his arms for her, and kiss her in return, though his kiss wasn't quite as passionate.

"What's wrong?" she asked him after breaking the kiss.

He sighed. "Let's just go back to your place, then we'll talk."

"All right," Kelly said hesitantly. That certainly wasn't sounding good.

He carried her bag for her, and loaded up the car. They then got into the car, and he drove toward her home.

"So, how was your trip?" he asked her. "How are the kids?"

"It was great, but it went by too fast. Helena still wants to come home to be with me. Daniel seems to have Hermés more brainwashed now more than ever. Hermés told me that France is, and I quote, 'the best place to live in the whole entire world!' It makes me sick!" Kelly said with a sigh.

Matthew glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Well, keep up with that appeal. I'm sure once they are back with you, and Hermés is back in his own home and his own bed, he's going go back to think New York is the best place in the whole entire world."

Again, Kelly sighed. "I hope so. I just worry Daniel's eventually going to turn Hermés against me all together."

"He wouldn't do that, would he?" Matthew asked.

Kelly shrugged. "Who knows? There was a time when I would never have thought so, but now... I just don't know."

"Well, Hermés is a smart boy. I'm sure he won't let Daniel turn him against you. He loves you," Matthew assured her.

Kelly smiled, and reached a hand over to gently stroke his thigh. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks for making me feel better." She smiled at him, and continued to rub his thigh.

Matthew moved his thigh away from her. It was slowly, as if he was trying to be subtle, but it was really obvious to Kelly that he didn't want her hand there.

She pulled her hand back, a little hurt. She looked out the window, and they didn't speak the rest of the way back to her apartment.

_What in the world is going on?_ she wondered to herself. Well, she was going to find out. He was going to tell her whether he liked it or not. She just hoped she didn't regret making him tell her. She suddenly had a very bad feeling about all this, and she didn't like it. She didn't like it one bit.

We used to stick together. You and me stay that way forever.

But now to my surprise, you've become what we despised.

What's that they're telling me? Sleeping with the enemy!

Going down on dirty sheets. Didn't nobody tell you how to be discreet?

They got into her house, and she dropped off her suitcase in her room. Matthew had stayed in the foyer instead of following her into the bedroom, which was a sure sign that something was wrong. Well, they were going to face this, and they were going to face this now.

"Matthew, will you come in here please?" she called out.

Matthew came into her room a short moment later. "What is it?"

Kelly sat down on the bed, and patted the bed beside her. "Sit down. We need to talk. I know something isn't right with you, and I want to know what it is."

Matthew looked for a moment, like a deer caught in the headlights. "Maybe we should talk later."

Kelly shook her head. "No. We talk now. Sit!" She pat the bed again.

Matthew sighed, then sat down beside her.

"Now, tell me what's wrong. Did you have a slip up and take a drink?" Kelly asked.

Matthew looked down at his lap, and twiddled his thumbs together. "Yes," he admitted.

"How many? Did you get drunk again?" Kelly asked.

Matthew sighed, and looked at her. "I slept with Maria!"

Kelly felt as if a rock had just been dropped into the pit of her stomach. She paused for a moment. "W-What?"

Matthew looked away from her for a moment, then right back at her. "I'm sorry, all right? I didn't mean to. I was just doing this thing for AA where you have to apologize all the people you wronged. You could write them a letter if you wanted to, but I figured I owed it to Maria to apologize to her in person for the way I had treated her lately, and for being with you the same night she broke up with me."

"So, you regretted being with me then?" Kelly asked.

Matthew looked at her, tears in his eyes now. "No! Of course not! I just wish I had handled things better, and maybe talked to Maria before you and I got together."

"Would it have made a difference?" Kelly asked. "Would you have chosen to make up with her and stay with her instead?" It came out in practically a whisper. She couldn't seem to find her normal voice. _This can't be happening...she_ thought, the panic starting to seep in.

Matthew shrugged. "I don't know. I just wish I had treated Maria with more respect than I did. It was a pretty crappy thing to do, sleeping with you after she broke up with me instead of getting sober, then going to apologize to her first. I'm not saying I would have gotten back together with her. I still love you more. I just think it would have been the more respectable thing to do."

"So, how did you apologizing to her end up with you sleeping with her?" Kelly asked, regaining her voice a little, but still feeling the beginning twinges of a panic attack.

"Well, we had a long heart to heart. She was a little hurt that I slept with you, and am dating you now, but she said a part of her always suspected that I was in love with you, and that she tried to be like you the best she could," he explained.

Kelly laughed bitterly. "She and I are nothing alike! She can't be me anymore than I can be her. We're two entirely different people. No one can be anyone but themselves, no matter how hard they try to be someone else."

Matthew nodded. "That's what I told her. Anyway, I apologized for the way I had treated her, and she forgave me. She asked if we could still be friends, and if she could still spend time with Aven. I told her that she could. Aven loves her, I wasn't going to deny either of them a chance to hang out."

Kelly nodded. "I understand, but I'm still not understanding how you two sleeping together comes into play."

Matthew continued. "Well, Aven wasn't with me that night, so she suggested we go out to dinner. We did. We had a nice time. She suggested we go to a club after. She was in the mood to dance. I agreed, and we went. She got a drink, and wondered why I wasn't getting one. I reminded her that I wasn't going to drink anymore. She told me that one drink once in a while wouldn't hurt me. I just needed to not drink so much at a time anymore. She promised she would watch my drink intake. So, I figured she was right. One drink couldn't do any harm. So, we enjoyed a drink together, then we did a little dancing. She wanted another drink. I wasn't going to have one, but she told me that one more was fine. That I could surely handle just two drinks. They weren't even strong drinks anyway. So, I had another drink. We sat at a table, and enjoyed our drinks. She asked me why I decided to go to AA. I told her how you made me realize I had a problem, and that I felt it was best I go to AA to control my drinking. She then took my hands in her own, and told me that she was still in love with me. She told me she loved me for who I was, and though she sometimes would get angry with me, she'd never try to change me. She told me just because I like to have a couple drinks, and just because I get drunk once in a while, it didn't mean I was an alcoholic. She said that most every person in this world gets drunk once in a while, and that even more people like to drink. She sounded so convincing. I got another drink—this time something a little harder. She had another drink as well, and we were both a little tipsy. We went back out onto the dance floor, and it was a sexy song. It was the kind of song to get couples hot and in the mood."

"I can't believe this. I really can't," Kelly said, looking away.

"She kissed me on the dance floor. I told her I was dating you, but then she asked me if I still had feelings for her. I told her the truth, which is I love you, but of course I still have some feelings left for her. She kissed me again, and told me that she and I are so good together. She told me I can be whomever it is that I want to be with her, and she'd never try to change me, or make me grow up. She begged me to take her home and make love to her. I was a little drunk. Not majorly drunk, but enough to impair my judgement a bit. Her hands were all over me, and I just... I didn't want to resist anymore. So, we went back to my place, and ended up in bed together. I regretted it the moment I woke up in the morning, once my head was clear. I told her it was a mistake. I told her I was in love with you, and that she and I couldn't be together. She told me I was making a mistake. I could tell she wanted to cry, but she took off in such an angry huff, I didn't even have time to apologize again." Matthew finished, and looked at Kelly.

Kelly narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm surprised she didn't stay since it was so easy to get you into bed with her the night before. She could have done it again!"

Matthew winced as if Kelly had just hit him. "Kel, I was drunk."

"You yourself said only a little. Besides, it doesn't matter. You let her talk you into taking a drink. You let her make me into the bad guy who won't let you be yourself!" Kelly snapped.

Matthew shrugged. "Well, actually, you really _aren't_ letting me be myself. She did have some valid points, Kel. Everyone gets drunk once in a while, and everyone drinks and likes to party."

Kelly stood up, and shook her head, laughing bitterly. "I can _not_ believe you're defending her. I'm not trying to change you, Matthew. I'm only trying to rid you of something that is not good for you! It's for your own good! And, for the record, not everyone drinks. Not everyone gets drunk. You need to learn your limits!"

"This is why I choose younger women over older women. I want a girlfriend, not a mother!" Matthew snapped. "Who are you to tell me how to run my life?"

"I'm your _girlfriend_, Matthew. It's my job to take care of you, and look out for you. I only want what is in your best interest! Getting drunk and drinking all the time is going to bring you down a very bad path, believe me!" Kelly snapped.

"Give me a break, Kel! You act like I get out of my mind drunk every single day and night! I get drunk once a week or so. Not even! It's just having fun!" Matthew insisted.

"If you're a teenager," Kelly snapped, her arms crossed over her chest.

Matthew narrowed his eyes angrily at her. "See? You _are_ trying to change me. You think I should grow up!"

Kelly nodded. "Grow up to an extent, yes. But I'd never try to change you. I just think you need to stop drinking, and stop dating girls young enough to be your daughter. However, it doesn't mean I'd change anything else about you. I love how you act like an excited little kid at certain things, and how you love to ride your skateboard. I mean, I get scared you're going to have an accident on it, but that is as far as _that_ goes."

"I do not have a drinking problem, Kelly. You just worry too much. You're making a big deal out of nothing," Matthew insisted.

"Says Maria," Kelly stated angrily.

"Says me!" Matthew snapped.

"Only after Maria brainwashed you," Kelly muttered.

Matthew shook his head. "You're the one brainwashing me, making me think I have this huge problem when I don't. I mean, come on. Making me go to AA meetings? I'm nothing like those losers!"

"At least 'those losers' are getting help, and admitting they have a problem. You are not!" Kelly snapped.

"I don't have a problem!" Matthew yelled. "I wouldn't have been able to go three weeks without a drink if I had a problem."

"But you let someone talk you into drinking just like that the moment I was gone. Trust me, Matthew, you have a problem," Kelly insisted.

"I'm not going to talk about this any longer," Matthew said.

"Fine, then let's talk about the fact that you really love Maria, and don't love me anymore," Kelly said, her voice cracking just a bit at the words.

Matthew's expression softened. "It was a moment of weakness. I never got to say goodbye to her, and I guess that was my way of moving on. I told her I loved _you_. I do love you, Kel. I love her, but I'm _in_ love with you. I made a stupid mistake, and I'm sorry."

Kelly laughed bitterly, and whipped around to face him. "You're sorry? You professed your love to me, then you go and sleep with your ex the moment I'm gone, letting her turn you against me even if it was just for the night? Where I come from, people say goodbye to their exes with words or hugs—not sex! Daniel cheated on me in my marriage, and now here you're doing it to me when we only just started dating! Heaven forbid you and I get married. You'd do it all over again, wouldn't you?"

Matthew shook his head. "I said it was a mistake, Kel. I'm never going to cheat on you again. Ever! I promise. Not with Maria, not with anyone!"

"Until Maria sweet talks you again, or you find some other foreign twenty something girl, right?" Kelly asked. "Someone who is not the old, motherly type!"

"Kelly, that's not fair," Matthew said.

"Why isn't it, Matthew? The young, foreign, twenty something type is your favorite, right? You already got bored of me, so you went back to Maria." Kelly was trying so hard not to cry. She wouldn't cry in front of him. She wouldn't!

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you I love you and only you. If you're not going to listen, then it's not my problem!" Matthew said, sounding angry again.

"You slept with another woman. How can I listen to you when you did that?" Kelly asked angrily.  
"I said I was sorry!" Matthew insisted.

"That's not just something you can apologize for, and it's all better!" Kelly said.

"Well, then I don't know what to do, Kel," Matthew said.

Kelly put her hands on her hips. "You need to grow up and stop drinking. That's what you need to do. Most of all, you have to realize that you're getting old. Deal with it. It's life! Dating younger girls only makes you look like an old, dirty man. It's not cool or attractive."

"Neither is the overbearing, and acting like my mother instead of my girlfriend type!" he shot back, his eyes narrowed, and his own hands on his hips.

"You and that stupid lightt is idiotic, you know. You think you're showing off, when everyone actually hates lightt, and they hate seeing stupid Maria! You parade her around like a trophy, but you just look desperate and pathetic. 'Lightt up forever' is the dumbest thing you ever said!" Kelly knew she was being a jerk, but at the same time, she was right. He had written the words, "Lightt up forever" on a caption for one of his videos, and it was just stupid.

"It's called a play on words, Kelly. There's nothing dumb about it," Matthew snapped.

"You like plays on words? Well, here's some for you. "Right now, I wanna knock your lightts out. Someone needs to shut your stupid site's lightts off. There is absolutely no lightt at the end of the tunnel when watching your stupid videos!" Kelly was shaking now, she was so angry.

Matthew turned red, and he clenched his fists at his sides. "Cute, Kel. Cute. Well, how do you like words that rhyme?"

Kelly raised an eyebrow. "'Words that rhyme?'" she asked in a mocking tone.

Matthew nodded. "Yeah, 'cause I got one for ya. Go to hell, Kel!"

Kelly gasped. She pointed to the door. "Get out. Now. Get out of my room, get out of my house, and get out of my life!"

Matthew held his head up high. "With pleasure!" He stormed off toward the door. He then paused in the doorway, and turned back to face her. "You certainly don't lightt up my life anymore."

Kelly was so angry, she picked up a book on her nightside table, and threw it toward him.

He ducked out of the way. "You're also a psychotic bitch! Maybe the judge is right about Daniel keeping the kids and not you."

That did it. Kelly could not believe Matthew had just gone there. **"Get out now**!" she screamed.

Matthew instantly looked ashamed. "Kel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"**Get ouuuuuuuuuuuut**!" Kelly screamed, pointing at the door.

"I'm sorry," Matthew said again before leaving.

Kelly slammed the bedroom door behind him, then turned around, and slid down to the floor, her back against the door. She then began to cry hysterically. She couldn't believe what had just happened. How had her life gone from getting better to getting worse in just a week? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that if anything else happened to make her life even worse yet, she didn't know if she'd survive. After all, it was going to take everything she had in her and more to survive this. She just hoped she could even do that, because right now, she had no idea how she was going to. She had truly hit rock bottom.

You're dancing while I'm dying. Laughing while I'm the mess you made.

Your true colors are clashing. This airplane is crashing. It's smashing.

Were you even there? Coz I don't think you care about anyone but yourself now.

That night, Kelly lie in bed, wanting to throw her phone out the window. Matthew kept texting her to apologize. He was begging for her forgiveness.

"It's a little late for that!" she grumbled, tossing her phone aside. It rang. She reached for it again, only to find it was Matthew, trying to call her.

She turned her phone off. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep tonight with her phone constantly going off. She needed sleep. It was the only time she had where her anxieties weren't kicking in. When she was asleep, she didn't have to think. It was her one moment of peace.

Her landline phone rang then. She sighed, and looked at the caller ID. It was Matthew, just as she had expected.

She picked it up. "Stop calling!" she snapped into the receiver before she slammed the phone back down.

He called right back.

With a frustrated cry, she picked it up again. "I said to stop calling me, Matthew. We have nothing more to say to each other! And while you're at it, stop texting me as well!"

"Kel, please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm so upset over this. I've been drinking again. I think I'm drunk. I know I'm drunk. I just need you to forgive me. Drinking isn't making the pain go away," he said.

Kelly sighed. He sounded so pitiful and pathetic over the phone. She was still mad as hell at him, but as much as she hated to admit it, there was still a part of her that would always love him. She cared about him, and she hated that he kept doing this to himself. "Matthew, I told you you have a problem. You need to put the bottle down, and get some sleep."

"How can I sleep when you're so angry with me? Kelly, I messed up. It was so wrong of me to sleep with Maria, and so wrong of me to say what I did about you and your children. You're the best mother in history, and they belong with you. I know that. I was just being an ass as usual." He groaned. "Kel, I'm so sick."

Kelly sighed. "I know you didn't mean what you said. But you still have a problem you don't want to admit to, and you still slept with Maria. Look, just do as I suggested, and put the bottle down, then get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

"No, I won't Kel. Not until you agree to talk to me. We can't leave things the way we did. Please, just talk with me," he pleaded.

Again, Kelly sighed. "If I agree to talk to you, will you put the bottle down, stop calling and texting me, and get some sleep?"

"Yes! I promise," he said. "I'm pouring the rest of the alcohol down the drain now. Listen." Kelly heard the alcohol being dumped down the drain. She knew he must have put the phone to the sink so that she could hear.

"That was the last of it," he said, coming back on the phone a moment later.

"I'll just have to take your word for it," she told him. "I'm too tired to talk tonight, and you're too drunk. I'll call you tomorrow, and we'll arrange to get together tomorrow to talk. All right?"

"All right. I love you Kel. I never stopped," he said.

"Goodnight, Matthew." She loved him too, but she wasn't about to give him any false hope.

"Goodnight, Kelly." He surprisingly clicked the phone off first.

She sighed yet again, then hung up her phone, and set it back in the cradle. She then flipped off her lights, and slinked down underneath the covers.

She hoped he really did stop calling and texting her, and go to sleep like she had told him to do and he said he would. She also hoped that it really _was_ the last of the alcohol, and that it really was alcohol that she had heard him pouring down the drain.

She was too tired to worry too much about it. She closed her eyes, and soon, sleep overtook her.

You can run but you can't hide. Actions they can't be denied.

Once thing keeps buggin' me. Tell me how you sleep at night. I need to set things right.

Shake things up. Modify.

Change plans and break the rules. Play the game like you do fool.

Thankfully, Matthew kept his word when it came to not texting or calling her anymore that night. In fact, Kelly was surprised that, the next morning when she was done with her shower and dressed and ready for the day, there was no text or call from him. She had thought for sure he wouldn't wait for her to contact him.

_Maybe he's hungover, and still sleeping_, she thought. It was either that, or he took comfort with Maria again.

Her stomach churned at the thought. She left him a short text.

_If you still want to get together, come over to my place whenever you get this._

She was going to suggest lunch, but she figured it probably wasn't best to be in a public place if they started up a shouting match again. Not that she planned to, but you never knew. Besides, she didn't want to give him any hope of them getting back together.

He texted her back two minutes later. _I'm on my way._

It made Kelly feel good that he was still eager to talk to her, and probably therefore not with Maria.

Though, she didn't know why it made her feel good, for again, she and Matthew were so not getting back together.

Matthew arrived fifteen minutes later. She knew he must have left as soon as he got the text from her.

She let him in the house, and they sat down in the family room. She sat on the chair in front of him, and he sat on the couch.

"I'll let you go first. You can say what you want to say, I'll say what I want to say, then you can kindly be on your way," she stated.

Matthew winced, but agreed.

"First off, I want to apologize again for not just what I said about you, and Daniel and your children, but also for everything else. I never should have slept with Maria. That was the biggest mistake of my life next to hurting you. I'm scum. I don't deserve you," he began.

Kelly sighed. "You're not scum. We both said things we shouldn't have said. I'm sorry for the nasty things I said to you as well."

"I deserved them," Matthew stated.

Kelly nodded. "Maybe so, but it didn't mean I had to say them."

Matthew sighed. "You're right you know. I do need to grow up. I have a problem. I admit it. Looking back on the way I behaved... I have a major problem. I was just in denial. Also, I think a big part of me was just embarrassed to admit I had a problem."

Kelly was glad he was saying these things. She still wasn't going to get back together with him, but at least he was finally admitting he had a problem. She could tell he really meant it this time. Before she could respond, he continued.

"I will never forgive myself for cheating on you. I shouldn't cheat on _anyone_, but cheating on _you_ is just unforgivable. You're the last person on this earth who deserves that. Not that anyone deserves, it, but you know what I mean. I was just so messed up. I was embarrassed about being an alcoholic. I didn't want to be one. Then Maria came along, and told me I wasn't one. She told me you didn't know what you were talking about. I believed her only because I wanted to. I didn't want to believe I was an alcoholic, or that I had a problem. It was all just pushed on me out of the blue, this problem, and I didn't want to believe it." He blushed a bit. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you pushed me. I just meant... I don't know." He looked away.

Kelly moved to sit down beside him on the couch. She took his hands in her own. "You're not all to blame. You're right. I did push you, and it _was_ just out of the blue that I threw it all on you. I expected you to go to meetings and get on the sober bandwagon just like that!" She snapped her fingers for emphasis. "I also made you try to get sober for the wrong reasons. I wanted you to do it for yourself as well, but I know you were doing it mainly for me. Doing something for someone else isn't good if they are the main reason you're doing it. At least when it comes to something like getting sober. Sure you can do it for others, but the main reason you should be doing it is for yourself. Otherwise, it's never going to take!"

Matthew sighed, and looked her in the eyes. "I know _that's_ right. Still, I shouldn't have cheated on you." He let out a frustrated cry. "I could just shoot myself!"

Kelly shook her head."We all make mistakes. I'm not saying it's right, because it's not. What you did was pretty crappy to do to me—especially now, and especially when we were such good friends first."

Matthew looked at her again, and raised an eyebrow. "Were as in past tense? Am I not your friend anymore?"

Kelly gently squeezed his hands. "Matthew, you and I will always be friends. That's never going to change. Just, right now, I don't think we're meant to be lovers. We're just going through two separate things right now."

"But we can help each other get through them!" Matthew said intently. He took Kelly's hands in his own, and rubbed his left hand over her right hand. "I can't do this without you, Kel! I... I love you."

Kelly rubbed his hand too. "I love you too, Matthew. You know I always will. And I can still be here for you as a friend. But, to be perfectly honest, right now I just can't trust you. I can't trust that you wouldn't cheat on me again, or even that you wouldn't drink again when things get tough."

"But I won't do either of those things! I promise! Please, Kel, give me a second chance. Please take me back. I can't live without you!" he pleaded frantically.

Kelly didn't know what to do. He couldn't live without her? No man had ever said that to her in all her life until now.

He sensed her hesitance, and gently stroked her right cheek with the back of his left hand. "Please, Baby. Take me back. I _love_ you." He took her hand and kissed it. Then, he pulled her body close to his, and softly kissed her.

Kelly sighed into the kiss, and for just a very brief moment, she found herself kissing him back. But then, to his dismay, she gently pushed him away.

She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry, but I just can't do this again. You cheated on me, Matthew. I forgive you, but I still can't trust you enough to be in a relationship with you. You need to want to get sober for yourself. Only then will you truly be able to stick by it. It's not going to be easy, but if you really want it, I know you can do it. Even without me. Now, I'm willing to be here as your friend, but I really think you should get a more experienced sponsor. Someone who can be there for you whenever you need them. And you need to stay away from people who enable." Kelly was talking about Maria on that last part, but she chose not to say so. Matthew was a smart man. She was sure he could figure out that much on his own.

Matthew nodded. "It's not over," he said quietly. "I am going to get better. I'm going to get better for myself mainly, but also for Aven, and for you. I'm going to be the kind of man my mother wants me to be, I'm going to be the kind of father I want to be, and I'm going to be the kind of boyfriend you want me to be. And I'm not giving up on you. However long it takes. Heck, even if it takes years, I'm going to wait for you. I'm going to work at getting better, and I'm going to make you mine again one day. You can count on it."

He stood up to leave.

Kelly pulled him close for a hug. "I really believe that you believe that. I wish you all the luck in the world. I believe in you. As long as you do it mainly for you, I know you can do it."

"You'll wait for me too, right, Kel?" he asked as he hugged her tightly back. "You won't go finding someone else on me?"

Kelly sighed, and held him for a moment before responding. "Right now, I don't think my heart would let me if I tried," she said in all honesty.

He pulled back, and grinned at her. Then, he kissed her softly on the lips, and gently stroked her cheek. "I'll get better, and I'll make you mine again. You'll see." He then headed toward the door. He paused in the doorway, turned to face her, and smiled. "You can count on it!" The smile still on his face, he winked at her, and then he left without looking back again.

Kelly sighed, then headed over to the door, and locked it behind him. "I hope you're right, Matthew," she said to herself. "I really hope you're right." But, when it came to Matthew, who ever really knew?

You're a heart attack, and your heart is black.

It's whack. You're mind is stacked.

Tell me how did anybody ever get like that?

You're a heart attack. You stabbed me in the back.

If you pull your punches jack, I'm taking everything back.

You hit me harder than a heart attack.


	13. The Only One

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Chapter 12: The Only One**_

In a world so cynical you came in and changed the ball from black to white and made me right.

This is all one else has had the time to read the signs.

A month passed. Kelly hadn't seen much of Matthew. She talked to him on the phone here and there, but for the most part, she went off living her life. She stayed in France for two weeks since she currently wasn't working. It felt great to spend time with her children.

When she returned to NY, she decided to go pay Matthew a visit, and see how he was doing. The last she had spoken to him was right before she had left for France. He claimed he hadn't had a single drink since that night he had slept with Maria, but Kelly wasn't sure she believed him. She didn't know how long it would take to start trusting him again. She guessed when he gave her reason to.

Anyway, she went home first to drop her bags off, and take Oliver for a walk. She always missed him when she was in France.

Then, she headed out to Matthew's apartment. Along the way, she contemplated on whether or not she should ask him out to dinner. She didn't want to give him any false hope of getting back together, but she really missed him. In the end, she decided to ask him. After all, people who were just friends could go out to dinner, couldn't they?

When she arrived at his apartment complex, she started to get a little worried. What if she didn't find him in a good state? What if she found him drunk, or worse, in bed with Maria? Maybe she should have called first.

She paused, contemplating heading back home. She could order a pizza for dinner, then take a warm bubble bath before hopping into bed with a good book.

_No_, she thought. _I'm here now, I might as well go see how he's doing._ If he was in bed with Maria, then hopefully he wouldn't answer the door at least.

She headed outside of his apartment, then paused. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out before knocking on his door. Almost immediately, she heard footsteps. Then, the door opened. Only it wasn't Matthew standing there. It was his ex-wife, Naama.

"Hello, Kelly," Naama said. "What brings you here?"

Kelly was a little confused why Naama was answering the door, but she did her best to hide her confusion. "Hello, Naama. I was just here to visit Matthew, and see how he's doing. It's been a while since I've last seen him."

Naama raised an eyebrow. "He didn't tell you? I'm surprised. I thought you two were so close."

"Tell me what?" Kelly asked. She suddenly felt the dread for him her stomach. She wondered if Naama was about to tell her something she didn't want to hear.

"Matthew's in rehab. He checked himself in a month ago. He's got an alcohol problem. He said you were the one who made him realize he has a problem. So, I'm really surprised you didn't know he was in rehab."

"I talked to him since then on the phone, but he never said anything to me about it. I've been in France these past two weeks, and haven't seen him in person in a month," Kelly said, a little in shock.

"I'm just here because I promised to check in on his apartment once in a while. Also, Aven left a toy of hers here that she wants." Naama explained. "You can come in if you'd like, but all I have to offer you is water. Since he didn't know when he'd be back, he didn't leave his fridge very well stocked."

Kelly shook her head. "No, that's okay. Thank you though. Hey, what rehab center is he staying in? Do you know if they allow visitors?"

Naama nodded. "I brought Aven to visit him yesterday. Here." She walked into the room, and went over to the table. She grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen, and leaned over the table to write something down. She then headed back over to Kelly, and handed her the paper. "This is the name and address. I'm not sure of the center's number, but he does have his cell phone with him if you wanted to call him ahead of time."

Kelly took the paper, and looked over it. It was only about ten minutes from there. She then looked back up at Naama. "Thank you, Naama! I appreciate it. It was good seeing you again even though briefly."

Naama nodded. "Anytime, and you too."

Aven came running over then, a little stuffed rabbit in her hand. She saw Kelly, and smiled. "Hi, Kelly!"

Kelly grinned, and knelt down to her height. "Well, hello, Aven! What do you got there?" She nodded toward the bunny.

Aven grinned, and held the bunny out to show her. "He's my favorite," she said.

She sleeps with him every night," Naama explained.

"Well, he's as adorable as you are!" Kelly said to Aven.

Aven grinned.

"What do you say?" Naama asked.

"Thank you," Aven said to Kelly.

Kelly smiled. "You're very welcome! Well, I have to go now, but I'll see you later, all right?"

"Okay. Bye, Kelly!" Aven said.

"Bye, Sweetie!" Kelly said, giving her a peck on the cheek, and gently stroking her hair.

Kelly stood back up. "Goodbye, Naama," she said with a wave. "Thanks again for the address!"

"Goodbye, Kelly. Anytime!" Naama called back as Kelly made her way out of the apartment complex.

Kelly hailed a cab as soon as she got back outside. She was eager to see Matthew, and even more eager to find out why on earth he hadn't told her he was in rehab. His excuse should be interesting, she knew. In fact, she could hardly wait to hear it.

You are the only one. No one else can keep me from the danger of myself.

You keep me stronger. You are the only one.

And now I love you even more than I did before.

Kelly arrived at the rehab clinic and signed in.

"Excuse me, but can you please tell me where to go to visit Matthew Settle?" Kelly asked the man behind the front desk.

"He's in room 520, which is just down the hall. And your name is?" the man asked.

"Kelly Rutherford." Kelly was still surprised when people didn't know who she was. It was humbling to say the least.

He typed something into his computer. "And your relation to the patient?"

"A good friend." Kelly felt a twinge of sadness at not being able to say she was Matthew's girlfriend. She could handle being his good friend though. It was better than nothing.

"And you're just here for a visit?" the guy asked next.

"Yes!" Kelly said with a smile.

"I'm going to have to take your picture for your visitor's ID. Look right here at the camera." He moved the small camera that was built into the computer so that it was facing her.

Kelly smiled, and it took her picture.

The guy turned the camera back around, then printed out a picture ID name tag sticker, and handed it to her. "Again, that's room 520, right down the hall."

Kelly smiled as she took the name tag from him. "Thank you."

She put the name tag above her right breast, then headed down the hall to see Matthew.

His door was only partially closed, so she knocked on it, but pushed her way through before waiting for his response. "Knock, knock," she said as she came in.

Matthew was sitting on a recliner chair, watching TV. He looked over at her, and his expression went from one of shock to embarrassment in all but two seconds. "Kelly! What are you doing here?"

Kelly placed her right hand over her hip. "Well, hello to you too! Do you want to tell me why you didn't mention to me that you were here even though we've talked twice since you came here?" She sat down on the arm of the recliner Matthew was sitting in.

Matthew looked up at her, then back to the TV. He clicked it off, then set the remote down, and looked at Kelly again. "I didn't want you to think I was doing it just for show. I wanted to get sober, and then be able to tell you that I went through rehab, and was sober. I wanted to surprise you."

Not really thinking, Kelly reached out, and gently stroked his hair. "Well, I'm proud of you for doing this. It's a really good start! And I'm still surprised."

"How did you find out?" Matthew asked her.

Kelly continued to stroke his hair, unable to stop herself. She loved the feel of his hair. It was always so soft. "I stopped by your house for a visit after I got back from France. Naama was there, checking on the apartment for you, and getting one of Aven's favorite toys she had left there. I told her I came to visit you, and she told me where you were. She was surprised you didn't tell me already since you told her I was the one who made you realize you have a problem."

Matthew shrugged. "Well, like I said, I didn't want you to think I came here just to make things look good."

Kelly shook her head, and took his right hand in her hands. "I'd never think that."

Matthew smiled weakly at her. "I know this isn't going to cure me. Alcoholics don't get cured. I'm still going to be tempted to take a drink, and every day might be a struggle. But this at least helps me to not _want_ to drink. Well, I'll still want to, but it will help me not to."

Kelly rubbed his hand. "I'm really proud of you, Matthew. You're being very mature, and very wise right now."

"Well, they say the older you get, the wiser you get, right?" Matthew joked.

Kelly groaned. "You're not old!" She smiled, then gently stroked his cheek. "All I see when I look at you is an incredibly sexy, hot, delicious man, who is a kind, sweet, amazing guy. You're a wonderful father, and you're a good man. You just had a little problem with drinking. But who doesn't have problems? We all have our demons, and drinking just happens to be yours. And Maria."

"Hey, be nice," Matthew said. A smile played at the corner of his lips nonetheless.

"Okay, so she's not a demon. She is an enabler though. And, she came between you and I, which to me, is just as bad as a demon." Kelly looked away. She knew she probably shouldn't have admitted that. After all, wasn't she the one who didn't want to give Matthew false hope? Even so, it was how she felt.

"Hey," Matthew said gently. He carefully moved her face toward his, and looked her in the eyes. "I'm getting better, and when I get out of here, I fully intend on getting you back. I don't care how hard I have to beg you, or how hard I have to fight for you. I'm going to make you mine again, and we will be together. I won't take no for an answer."

Kelly smiled weakly. "Now you're starting to sound like a stalker."

Matthew bit his bottom lip, apparently not knowing what to say to that.

Kelly broke into a grin. "But, since it's you, you can stalk me anytime, Baby."

Matthew broke into a grin too, looking incredibly relieved. He squeezed her hands. "So, you'll be willing to take me back once I get out of here?"

Kelly kissed his cheek. "Let's just take this one day at a time, okay?"

Matthew nodded, the grin still on his face. "Now, one day at a time, I can take!"

Kelly matched his grin.

I've got such a jealous side.

Reaching out, I try to hide my infant stride.

And in my mind, this is all so prototype. Make it wrong to make it feel right.

Don't deny it.

It had been a nice a visit. Matthew had asked her about the kids and France, and Kelly had told him about her visit. Her appeal was set to take place in three months, and he gave her encouragement on it. They also talked about Aven, and how fast she was growing. Kelly assured him Helena was growing just as fast.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say Naama was slipping her Miracle Grow in her food!" Matthew joked about Aven.

Kelly laughed. "That's actually something Daniel would do to my kids," she joked in return.

They both had a good laugh. They talked and joked a little more, then watched a movie together. Then, visiting hours were over.

Kelly had to leave, but she promised to visit Matthew again the next day.

"Maybe we can do lunch together? The cafeteria doesn't have the greatest food in the world, but it's not really that bad for cafeteria food," Matthew said to her.

Kelly took his hand and smiled. "Sure. I'd love to." She kissed his hand.

Then, he lifted her chin, and kissed her softly on the lips. "It's a date then."

Kelly looked into his eyes, getting lost in them. She had told herself she wasn't going to get back together with him. At least not yet. But he truly was getting the help he needed. Besides, what harm could one lunch date do? She had been planning to do dinner with him before she knew he was in rehab anyway. As for the kiss, well, what harm could one little kiss do? Or two?

She pulled him into another soft kiss. "It's a date," she agreed, her tone quiet.

They smiled at each other, then Kelly got up, and grabbed her purse. "What time is lunch here anyway?"

"Noon!" Matthew said with a grin. "Though, visiting hours don't start until twelve-thirty. But the cafeteria is open until nine at night, and I don't have any meetings until two, and so..."

Kelly laughed. "Twelve-thirty it is then! I'll be looking forward to it."

"Me too. You have no idea, Kel," Matthew told her.

Kelly grinned, then blew him a kiss. "See you tomorrow, my Darling!"

"See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams of me!" he called after her as she left.

She laughed as she headed down the hall, knowing he'd be able to hear her laughter. She hoped it brought a smile to his face, and visions of her to his dreams.

She sighed. She supposed it had been stupid to think she could resist getting back together with him.

She grinned. She should have known by now, her not having Matthew as her lover just wasn't an option anymore now that she had gotten a taste of it. Or rather, him.

She was still grinning as she signed out, and left the rehab center.

'Cause you are the only one.

No one can keep me from the danger I possess.

You keep me stronger.

You are the only one, and now I love you even more than I did before.

The next day at twelve thirty sharp, she arrived at Matthew's rehab room.

He grinned at her. "You look breathtakingly beautiful, as usual!" He winked at her.

Kelly smiled. "I'm not even dressed up!" She was wearing her medium wash blue skinny jeans, and a white cowl neck Cashmere sweater. She wore grey knee high boots over her jeans. She had left her hair down.

"You still look great. Those boots on you are so sexy!" Matthew pulled her close, and kissed her.

Kelly kissing him back, hungrily. My how she had missed this.

He broke the kiss. "Why don't we skip lunch in the cafeteria and just have each other right here instead?"

Kelly grinned. "Sounds good, but we're taking it slow, remember?"

He pouted. "All right, all right."

She pulled him in for a hug then. "You look good too." He was wearing a bright blue sweater with the collar of his white dress shirt showing over his sweater's collar. He wore khaki pants with it. On his feet were brown loafers with no socks.

"I tried to dress up a bit for you," he said with a proud grin in return.

"Well, you look great except for one thing," she said.

"What's that?" Matthew asked.

Kelly ran her hand through Matthew's neatly combed hair, and messed it up a bit. "There. That's better." She brushed her lips against his right ear. "You look so much sexier with messy hair."

He licked his lips, his eyes lowering with love for her. "I'll have to keep that in mind." He pulled her in for another kiss.

Kelly sighed contently, and kissed him back for a minute, then she broke the kiss, or rather, _kisses_. "All right, let's go get some lunch before this turns into anything _but_ taking it slow."

Matthew grinned. "That's exactly what I was hoping it would turn into." He wriggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Kelly rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. She latched onto his arm, and kissed his cheek. "Come on, let's go eat. Then maybe you can show me around?"

"You've already seen the only room that needs to be seen—my bedroom," he said as he stepped out into the hallway with her, and shut his door behind them.

Kelly laughed. "Come, on Casanova."

"Can't blame a guy for trying," he said with a shrug as they walked down the hall, arm-in-arm.

And when they make the call for one last drink,

when my self-esteem seems below,

and when no one knows it,

when the colors all collide inside,

Well, I can barely hide.

"Do you like my new glasses?" Matthew asked, holding up two onion rings to his eyes, and looking at Kelly through them.

Kelly laughed. "Oh yes, my Darling! They are very becoming of you!"

Matthew grinned, then popped one into his mouth. She chewed it and swallowed it, then offered the other one to Kelly. "Want it? It's the last one..." He dangled it in front of her.

Kelly shook her head. "No thanks. I never liked onion rings for some reason."

Matthew shrugged. "Suit yourself!" He finished his onion ring, which was also the last of his lunch. He had had a cheeseburger to go with it. "It's a good thing they have a gym here."

Kelly smirked. "I'll say, the way you seem to be eating here!"

He shrugged. "Hey, it's not my fault they don't serve many healthy things here." Then he grinned. "Who am I kidding? Even if they did. I'd still choose the junk!"

Kelly laughed. "I know you would." She finished her turkey sandwich and chips, then pulled her cherry-topped cheesecake in front of her. "When you have a healthier lunch, you don't have to feel so bad when splurging on dessert!" She winked and smiled at him, then took her first bite. "Mm! Delicious! Wanna try a bite?"

Matthew licked his lips and nodded. He then opened his mouth as she fed him a bite. "Mm, that is good! You're right!" he said.

"Want another bite?" she asked with a smile.

Matthew grinned. "You know it!"

Kelly smiled even wider, and fed him another bite.

Suddenly, a guy walked by and whistled. He looked to be in his mid thirties maybe. "Come on, Matthew! You're having the poor lady feed you? Just because you're in rehab for alcoholism doesn't mean you have to get people to feed you. You're not in here because you broke your arms! Stop being lazy!"

Matthew grinned. "Haha, Jack. Very funny!"

"Well, I can't say I blame you." Jack nodded at Kelly. "She's smokin' hot!"

Kelly blushed.

Matthew smirked, and shook his head. "Yeah, well, she's my 'smokin' hot' girlfriend, not yours, so down, Boy!"

Jack took Kelly's hand, and kissed it. "Mon Chérie, you are beautiful!"

"Hey!" Matthew play warned.

"It doesn't hurt to look!" Jake said.

"You're touching!" Matthew stated, all in good fun.

"It's okay, he's handsome!" Kelly joked. She winked at Jack. "So, you're a friend of Matthew's I take it?"

Jack nodded. "We're across the hall roomies."

"He and I like to watch movies together before bed sometimes," Matthew chimed in.

Jack looked at Matthew. "Dude, when you put it that way, it sounds so gay."

Matthew laughed. "Don't worry, you're not my type."

Jack made a funny face at Matthew.

Kelly laughed.

"Seriously though, he's a good man. He showed me around, and helped to not feel so weird and lonely here when I first got here," Matthew told her.

"I was his first friend here," Jack said playfully, a hand over his heart as he jokingly looked at Matthew with love.

"And now my best!" Matthew said with a nod of agreement.

"And you're mine. I love you, Man!" Jack said.

"Right back at you, Bro!" Matthew said, standing up.

They hugged, patting each other's backs.

Kelly smirked. Even though they were joking around, she knew they meant their words. They were just using the joking tone to prevent any overload of girly mush. It was sweet.

"Well, I'm off to my first meeting. You're lucky you were never on drugs. You get this extra free time!" Jack said to Matthew.

"It will be over in a few months," Matthew assured him.

"Yes! Then I can break free of this hell hole. Not that it's a terrible place to be, but who really wants to live in a rehab center when you could be out living your life, you know?" Jack asked.

Matthew nodded. "But sometimes, you gotta do what you got to do."

"Exactly, Man!" Jack pat his back affectionately. "See you later, Man." He raised an eyebrow. "_That's My Boy_ tonight?" he asked, referring to their movie.

"Actually, I thought we'd watch _Brokeback Mountain_ instead," Matthew teased.

"Dude, I'm out of here!" Jack said with a laugh. He playfully pushed Matthew. He then headed over to Kelly, and kissed her hand again. "It has been a pleasure. And hey, if you get tired of him, you know where to find me!" he said, nodding at Matthew when he said the word, "him." He winked at her, and clicked his tongue suggestively.

Kelly giggled. "Have a good night, Jack."

"It would be better with you!" Jack said.

"All right, get out of here!" Matthew said with a laugh, gently pushing Jack away from their table.

Jack laughed, and headed off. "See you tonight for _That's My Boy!_" he called out before leaving the cafeteria.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "He's quite a character, but he's a great guy."

Kelly smiled. "Yeah, he seems nice. I like him."

"Not too much, I hope!" Matthew said.

"Don't worry." Kelly took his hands in her own, and kissed them. "You're the only man for me. You always have been."

"And you the only woman for me, and always have been!" he said, kissing her hands in return.

They smiled at each other.

Matthew then started to leave.

"Where are you going?" Kelly asked.

"To get some cherry cheesecake of my own! That stuff is good!" Matthew said.

Kelly laughed, and watched Matthew go to get his dessert. She then sighed contently. He was so adorable. Oh how she loved him!

You are the only one. No one else can keep me from the danger of myself.

You keep me stronger. You are the only one.

After their lunch, Matthew showered her around the place. It seemed nice enough. They had a gym and rec hall. They had a little non-denominational chapel for people who wanted to go to church. They even had a mini bowling ally, and a mini theater.

"Sheesh!" Kelly said as they headed outside hand-in-hand. "For some people, this would be better than living in the outside world!"

Matthew nodded. "I know, right? I was fortunate enough to get into a nice one like this.

"So, Jack is also in here for drugs?" Kelly asked.

Matthew nodded. "He got involved in the wrong crowd, and got hooked on crystal meth. A good friend of his accidentally ODed on the stuff, which made him want to get clean of both the drugs and the alcohol. He didn't want his friend to have died in vain."

"That's terrible that his friend died, but at least some good came out of it," Kelly said.

Matthew nodded. "Exactly!"

They headed through an ivy-covered stone archway, and into a beautiful garden. There were metal benches for relaxing, a fountain, and even a tree swing.

"That looks fun! I always wanted to swing on one of those!" Kelly said.

Matthew smiled. Then he nodded at it. "Go ahead!"

Kelly laughed. "I couldn't. The thing would probably break on me!"

"Nonsense! A lot of the female patients—some twice your size—have swung on that swing. It's a pretty strong tree. They wouldn't have put the swing there if it wasn't," Matthew assured her.

"Well, if you're sure..." Kelly trailed off.

Matthew nodded towards it. "Go on. Sit on it, and I'll push you!"

Kelly smiled shyly. "All right." So, she went over and sat on the swing.

Matthew headed behind Kelly, and began to push her.

Kelly laughed as she pumped her legs, and let the swing take her high into the air. "This is fun!" she said.

Matthew pushed her higher.

Kelly laughed and laughed, feeling like a kid again.

Matthew let her swing for a couple of minutes, then he stopped her swing.

She looked back, and he kissed her softly on the lips. "You are so beautiful."

She blushed. "And you're so handsome."

They kissed some more, then she got off the swing, and they walked around the garden for a bit, hand-in-hand.

After a bit, Matthew sighed. He stopped her, and turned her toward him, taking her hands in his own. "I hate to say goodbye, but I have a meeting to get to now. In these meetings, they don't allow outsiders unfortunately."

Kelly gently stroked his left cheek. "It's all right. "I have a few errands to run anyway."

They kissed.

"I'll come back tomorrow, and every day after that until you're finally out of here. I promise!" She smiled at him, and continued to stroke his cheek.

"Just knowing that is going to make rehab a whole lot easier," he said.

They kissed some more.

"Have a good night. Don't be getting frisky with Jack now!" She winked and giggled.

Matthew laughed. "You're sick!" He pulled her in for a more passionate kiss.

Kelly moaned into the kiss.

"You're the only one I plan on getting frisky with!" he told her upon breaking the kiss.

"As soon as you're out of here, we'll talk about it," she said, slightly out of breath from the kiss.

"Less talk, more action!" he said.

She smirked. "Goodbye, Matthew."

He grinned. "See you tomorrow same time?"

She kissed him sweetly on the lips. "You know it!"

He pulled her in for a more passionate kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said. She kissed him yet again, then left, thinking how she could hardly wait until he was out of rehab so that she could finally reward him in a way they both so clearly wanted.

And now I love you even more.

There is no other.

Kelly had kept her promise to visit him very day in rehab, and two months later, the day for Matthew to get out of rehab finally arrived. Kelly was so happy! She could hardly wait to take Matthew in her arms, and show him how much she missed him. Not to mention how proud of him she was.

She had asked him if he could just take a cab to her place. He seemed a little thrown by it, but agreed to it.

She hadn't wanted to pick him up because she wanted to surprise him at the door in nothing but her new black lace underwear and bra set. There was a nude underlay underneath the lace. She also wore black heels, and red lipstick. She hoped he liked it.

When he arrived at her door, she opened the door, posing with her right hand on the door frame.

His mouth dropped open, and he dropped his bag right there in the hallway.

"Welcome back, my Darling." She raised her eyebrow at his bag. "You didn't drop that back at your place first?"

He shook his head, and licked his lips, his eyes on her breasts. "Didn't want to waste a moment before seeing you." He nodded at her attire. Or lack thereof. "Is this why you didn't pick me up?"

Kelly nodded. "I wanted to surprise you."

"Surprise me you did! Along with arouse me." He licked his lips, his eyes still on her chest.

She giggled. "Bring your bag in, then get in my arms."

"How about getting in your bed?" he asked, bringing his bag in, and setting it back down.

Kelly shut and locked the door behind them. "That works too. But first..." She pulled him close, and they kissed gently, yet lovingly and passionately. "Welcome back, my Darling."

Matthew's eyes lowered. "It's so good to be back in your arms! So, am I officially forgiven?" He raised an eyebrow.

Kelly nodded. "You have been for a while now."

"And you're taking me back?" he asked.

"How could I not when you're the only man for me, and I'm the only woman for you?" she asked.

"You make a good point," he said.

"Now, no more talk. Make love to me, Matthew. Please?" she pleaded "It's been far too long."

Matthew's eyes lowered with love for her. "You know you never have to beg me, Kel." He picked her up in his arms, and carried her to the bedroom.

He sat her down onto the bed, and they slowly undressed each other. Then, he lay her down, and they made love. It wasn't rough or dirty. It was gentle, yet satisfying, and so full of love.

Kelly was glad. She hadn't wanted it to be unromantic. She wanted it to be romantic and perfect, and she knew that Matthew knew that, and wanted the same thing. He knew her so well, and she knew him so well. They truly were soul mates.

No one else I place above you.

They lay in each other's arms after their lovemaking, both so satisfied and in love.

Matthew kissed her left shoulder. "I love you so much. Everyone else turned their back on me, but you stood by me. You made me get the help I needed even when I didn't want to hear it. I'll be eternally grateful to you for that."

Kelly smiled at him, and gently brushed some hair out of his eyes. "I love you, Matthew. I'd do anything for you. I'd never let anything bad happen to you. I saw you going down a bad path, and I protected you from it. I know you'd do the same for me."

Matthew nodded. "I would. I really would."

Kelly kissed him. "I love you more than life."

He kissed her in return. "As I love _you_ more than life."

They kissed some more.

"Promise me you'll never leave me?" he asked her.

She fluffed his hair with her fingertips. "I promise to never leave you, Matthew. I love you too much to ever leave you. Promise to never leave _me_?"

His eyes lowered with love for her. "My heart would never let me. I love you far too much to leave you. You're my soulmate, Kelly. You alway have been, and you always will be."

"Oh, Matthew!" Kelly whispered.

Their eyes lowered with love for each other, and they kissed again, then made love all over again.

Kelly sighed with contentment. She truly had met her soulmate in Matthew. And, now that they had both had finally given into their feelings for each other, she was never going to let him go, just as she new that he would never let her go. And that was really all she needed to know.

You are the only one, and now I love you even more than I did before.


	14. Cruel Cruel World

_**Cruel Cruel World**_

_**Epilogue: Cruel Cruel World**_

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel without my tiny little pills.

Sudden emotions I have awoken. I'm wet behind the ears.

To find myself in such a cruel cruel world.

As Kelly sat cuddled up with Matthew on a park bench while they watched their children play, she couldn't help but smile. This felt good. They truly felt like a family.

Three years had past since Matthew had gotten out of rehab, but she and Matthew were still going strong. He had been sober for three years, and she couldn't be more proud of him.

"Why did it take us so long to get together?" she asked, looking up at Matthew.

He looked down and her, and kissed her forehead before responding. "I was an idiot back then. I'm glad I finally wised up!"

"Well, I could have pushed things more too. I guess, when it came down to it, our fans could see something we didn't at first," Kelly stated.

Matthew nodded. "Well, not to sound chichéd, but it's better late than never, right?"

Kelly grinned, and nodded. "Right!"

They kissed softly on the lips.

"Momma, come play with us!" Helena called out.

Kelly grinned. Helena was now six years old, as was Aven. Helena and Aven were the best of friends. Hermés, who was freshly nine, looked after both girls. It didn't matter to him that Aven wasn't blood related. To Hermés, she might as well have been. He was very protective of both girls.

"You too, Matthew! Come and play!" Hermés called over.

Kelly smiled. Matthew was practically Hermés' idol. Hermés adored him, and Matthew had even told her before how he thinks of Hermés as a son.

Matthew grinned, and ran over to Hermés. "What's up?"

Hermés nodded toward his sister. "Will you push Helena on the swing? Aven wants me to push her."

"Sure! I'd love to," Matthew said, heading over to the swings to where the girls were already sitting.

Hermés and Matthew began to push the girls, and Kelly stood by, happily watching her daughter and Aven, whom she also thought of as a daughter, giggle as they flew high into the air.

"Not too high now!" Kelly warned. She didn't want to see the girls flying off the swings and ending up in the emergency room.

"Aw, Mom, they're fine! Chillax!" Hermés assured her.

Kelly crossed her arms over her chest, and raised an eyebrow. "'Chillax'?" She looked at Matthew. "It's funny how they pick up the younger generation of today's lingo, isn't it?"

Matthew blushed. "He might have heard me saying it once or twice."

Kelly laughed, and shook her head. "What am I going to do with my boys?" she teased.

Matthew suddenly got a mischievous grin on his face, and he wriggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively. "I can think of a few things you can do with this one." He pointed to himself before giving Helena another push.

Kelly grinned. "If you're good."

Hermés made a face. "You guys are sick!"

Kelly was shocked that her son knew what she and Matthew had been implying.

Matthew laughed. "The look on your face is priceless, Kel!"

Kelly blushed. "Okay, I think it's time to go. We want to get to the pumpkin patch before they close."

"Ice cream first! Don't forget the ice cream!" Aven said.

They had already eaten dinner at home, and had gone to the park after dinner. Kelly had promised Hermés, Helena, and Aven that they could stop for ice cream before they went to the pumpkin patch. At the pumpkin patch, they were going to pick out pumpkins to carve since Halloween was just a few days away.

Kelly grinned. She walked over to Aven, who had now stopped swinging. "Are you sure you want ice cream?"

"Yes! I want vanilla!" Aven said.

"With sprinkles?" Kelly asked with a smile and a wink.

"Well, duh!" Aven said.

Kelly gasped, and Aven giggled.

"Duh, huh?" Kelly started tickling Aven's ribs. "It seems you picked up today's lingo as well!"

Aven giggled. "Stop, stop!" She giggled some more.

"Say please!" Kelly teased, lightening the tickling only slightly.

"Please!" Aven said, still laughing.

Kelly stopped tickling her, then picked her up off the swing. "Do you want chocolate or rainbow for the sprinkles?"

"Chocolate! No, rainbow. "I can't decide!" Aven said.

"Well, then we'll just have to get you both now, won't we?" Kelly asked with a wink.

Aven grinned. "Sounds good to me!"

They kissed each other's cheeks, then Kelly gently set her back down.

Matthew walked over to Kelly, and placed his arm around her. "I think you're her new idol," he said with a grin. She even kisses cheeks like you do."

Kelly grinned. "I think she picked that up when we brought the kids to France."

Matthew nodded. "Yeah, probably. But she picked up on it because you do it, and she loves you."

"And I love her!" Kelly said.

"I'm so glad you got your children back. You deserve them. You're a much better parent than Daniel," Matthew said, quietly enough so that the kids wouldn't overhear.

Kelly wrapped an arm around Matthew, and placed her right hand over his chest. "As are you." She had gotten her children back three years ago when she had had the appeal. It was one of the best days of her life.

Matthew lifted her chin, and they kissed.

"If you guys are going to have sex, please wait until the girls and I are in bed at least," Hermés said.

Kelly and Matthew both broke the kiss, and looked at Hermés in shock.

"I'm not even going to ask where you learned about sex at nine years old," Kelly said to him.

"It's all over, France, Mom. I pick up things!" Hermés said smartly. Even though he lived in New York again, Hermés and his sister still went to France once a month with their Dad, who had finally gotten his visa back a year ago. They'd go to France to visit their paternal grandmother.

"I'm not sure like you going to France now," Kelly said, eyeing her son suspiciously.

Hermés rolled his eyes. "Please, Mom. I'm only nine. It's not like I'm going to do it just because I know what it is. Ew. Gross, Mom."

Kelly shook her head, and looked at Matthew. "Thank God, I moved him out of France when I got the chance," she joked.

Matthew laughed. He pulled her close, and kissed her temple. "I'll go along with that, because now we have the whole family."

Kelly grinned. "That we do." They kissed on the lips.

"All right, Mommy, let's go get ice cream already!" Helena said.

"All right, all right!" Kelly said, breaking the kiss.

Helena and Aven took hands, then began to lead the way. Hermés rushed in front of them so that he could make sure they had a clear path for walking.

Matthew squeezed Kelly's hand as they walked behind the girls. "I want to take you out to dinner tomorrow. Naama has Aven, and she said Helena could come over for a sleepover if she wanted. Maybe Hermés can stay with a friend too?"

"Well, it _is_ Friday tomorrow. I'm sure one of Hermés' friends would love to have him over. He's quite popular in school, you know." Kelly grinned at Matthew.

"That's because he's a cool kid with a beautiful mother," Matthew said simply.

Kelly kissed his cheek. "If anything, we can get a sitter for him. He could have a friend over."

Matthew nodded. "But first see if he can go to a friends so that when I take you home to have my way with you, we don't have to worry about being quiet."

Kelly smirked. "And what makes you think I'd let you have your way with me?"

"Because you love me just as much as I love you," he said without missing a beat.

Kelly stopped him just long enough to kiss him softly on the lips. "That's a really good answer."

They grinned at each other, then kissed once more before continuing to follow their children to the ice cream place.

And nobody gets me. Nobody gets me. Nobody gets me like you.

And everyone left me. Everyone left me. Everyone left me but you.

"I want this one!" Hermés said, carrying out a huge pumpkin. It was so big, he could barely walk with it.

"That one? Are you sure? It's bigger than _you_!" Matthew teased.

Hermés nodded. "Uh huh! My friend Tommy says his Dad's getting him a huge pumpkin, so I want to get one too! I don't want Tommy to have a bigger one than me."

"When he get's older, it's not the pumpkin sizes he'll be concerned about," Matthew muttered to Kelly with a smirk.

Kelly rolled her eyes, and gently elbowed him. "Be good!" She couldn't help but smile nonetheless." She held him tight. "Remember the first time we came here? It was around this time way back in 2009."

Matthew whistled. "Wow. The kids were just babies then! The girls anyway."

Kelly nodded. "Hermés was only three. I think he had just turned three. He really loved you even back then."

Matthew smirked. "Three-year-olds love everybody who gives them attention."

Kelly laughed. "True."

"We found our pumpkins!" Helena said, coming over with Aven then. They held regular-sized pumpkins that were just right for their size.

"All right! I'll just pay for the pumpkins, and we can go!" Kelly said.

"Aren't _you_ going to get a pumpkin, Kelly?" Aven asked.

"I figured I'd just help you guys," Kelly told her.

"Oh, please get one, Kelly! It will be fun if we all carve one!" Aven pleaded.

Kelly smiled, and gently stroked her hair. "Oh, all right. How about this one?" She picked up one just slightly bigger than the girls' pumpkins.

"That's a good one!" Aven said.

Helena nodded, then walked over to Matthew. "Now you pick one!"

Matthew tapped his lips with his finger."Hmm. I don't know which one to pick. Wanna help me?"

Helena nodded. She walked down the aisles of pumpkins until she found one almost as big as Hermés'. "How about this one?"

"Works for me!" Matthew said. He picked up his pumpkin, pretending that it was really heavy. "Oh my goodness! This is so heavy! I might fall over!"

Helena and Aven both giggled.

Kelly smiled, feeling her heart melt even more for him. She loved him so much!

They paid for their pumpkins, then hailed a cab. The pumpkins were obviously too much of a pain to carry home—especially Hermés' and Matthew's!

"Can we please carve these tonight?" Aven asked.

"Of course!" Kelly agreed.

"But right after that, it's off to bed. You all have school tomorrow," Matthew chimed in.

"Yeah, yeah," all three kids said in unison.

Kelly shook her head, and she and Matthew both laughed at their kids' comicalness.

You're the only one, the only one, the only who gets through.

And when my hope is gone, I'm feeling numb, the only one I let though is you.

You, you get me through. You get me through this cruel cruel world.

"Well, I have to say, we're the best bunch of pumpkin carvers I ever did see!" Matthew said as they all stood back and admired their work. They had finished carving their pumpkins, then had baked pumpkin seeds and apple cider for a bedtime snack. Now, they were admiring their lit up finished pumpkins again.

"We used stencils," Hermés reminded him.

Matthew nodded. "Still, they look good, and nobody chopped a finger off."

Helena giggled.

"Don't give me nightmares!" Kelly said.

Matthew grinned.

Kelly turned to the kids. "All right. Go brush your teeth, and get ready for bed. We'll be in to tuck you in when you're done."

The kids all ran off to do as told.

"Well, at least they are at the age where they listen without complaining," Matthew said, placing his arm around Kelly's waist.

Kelly nodded. "Enjoy it while you can. The rebellion years will be here before we know it."

Matthew groaned. "Don't remind me."

Kelly grinned, then kissed his cheek.

With their arms around each other, they looked at the pumpkins.

Matthew had carved a vampire face, Kelly had carved a scary cat, Hermés had carved Spiderman, Aven had carved an angel, and Helena had carved a princess.

"I love how you and I did the scary ones, and the kids did the sweet, innocent ones," Matthew joked.

"The way it should be!" Kelly kissed his cheek.

Matthew took her face in his hands, and kissed her sweetly on the mouth.

She moaned into the kiss, and hungrily retuned his kisses.

Eventually they had to cease their kissing, for the kids were ready to be tucked in.

They said their goodnights to Hermés. Hermés kissed his mother's cheek goodnight, and he hugged Matthew.

"Goodnight, Buddy. I'll see you in the morning," Matthew said to him.

"Goodnight!" Hermés said with a smile.

Next, was the girls, who stayed in the same room. They were giggling over something.

"All right you two, lights out!" Kelly said. She kissed both girls' cheeks.

"Matthew, will you sing us a song?" Helena asked.

"Of course, Darling!" Matthew had grown accustomed to singing the girls a lullaby before bed. They loved when he sang to them, and he loved to sing to them. "I'll be right back!" He winked at them, then headed out into the family room to get the guitar. He then came back in, and sat in the rocking chair. "What should I sing for you guys tonight?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer. The answer was always the same lately.

Sure enough, "Popcorn!" Aven and Helena said in unison.

Matthew groaned, and they giggled. They knew he didn't like it. In fact, he was pretty sure, aside from it being their favorite song, that him not liking it was one of the main reasons they would always ask him to sing it. It was a corny little pop song that had just come out on the radio. It was the opposite of his style, but the girls loved it, so he always sang it for them just to see them smile.

He strummed his guitar, and began to sing. "You string me along like popcorn, popcorn! Pop, pop, pop! Watch me drop, drop, drop!"

He continued to sing. The lyrics were so bad, and mostly didn't make a bit of sense, but to see his girls smile like the sunshine made the song beautiful to him.

When he finished the song, he set the guitar aside, then got up, and kissed the girls' cheeks. "I love you, and I love you!" he said, kissing Aven, then Helena.

"I love you too!" they girls said in unison.

Kelly gave them kisses, and exchanged I love yous with them as well.

"Goodnight, and don't let the bedbugs bite!" Matthew said.

"We don't have bed bugs here!" Helena told him.

"Are you sure about that?" Matthew asked, tickling both the girls at once. "Ah! The bedbugs are going to get you!" he cried out.

The girls laughed hysterically.

Kelly laughed too. "All right, goodnight, Girls. You have to get to sleep so you're not falling asleep in school tomorrow!" She kissed the girls one more time, then flipped off the lights.

Matthew kissed the girls again too. "Goodnight, Princesses."

"Goodnight," they said.

Kelly and Matthew then left the room, quietly shutting the door behind them.

Kelly blew out the tea lights in the pumpkins, then turned to face Matthew. She placed her arms around him. "You're so good with the children."

Matthew shrugged. "I love them."

They kissed.

"I think it's our bedtime now," Kelly murmured, nuzzling her nose against his right cheek.

"But I'm not tired yet. It's only ten o'clock!" Matthew told her.

Kelly lowered her eyes with love for him. "Who said anything about sleeping?"

Matthew grinned. "I like the way you think!"

Kelly grinned too, then laughed as he picked her up.

"Mm, I love you so much," he said to her, his own eyes lowered with love for her.

"And I love you, my Darling," she said, gently stroking his cheek. "Now make love to me, Matthew. Please?"

Matthew's eyes were still lowered as he spoke. "Oh, Kelly, you should know by now as always, you never have to beg."

"Matthew..." Kelly said, stroking his cheek, then kissing him.

He carried her to the bedroom, and quietly kicked the door shut behind them.

It's been a battle for too long, and all my happiness has gone.

Kindness erases a city of strangers deep down in my bones.

All I wanna do is crawl back home to you.

"Every time we go out, you always manage to make yourself look even more beautiful than you already are," Matthew said to Kelly as they ate their dinner the next night.

Kelly smiled at him, and blushed. "You don't have to say that. You already won me over."

Matthew shook his head, and placed his hand over hers from across the table. "You need to learn how to take a compliment! You're incredibly beautiful, quite possibly the most beautiful woman on the planet, and that's just a fact! And I know I don't need to say it. I just think you deserve to be reminded of it every day."

Kelly smiled at him, and kissed his hand. "You're gonna make me cry."

"Well, it's the truth!" Matthew told her.

The waiter came to take their empty plates. "Are either of you interested in any dessert?"

"I'll have a slice of the chocolate cake, please," Matthew ordered.

"I guess I'll have the crème brûlée please," Kelly ordered.

"Coming right up!" the waiter said, then taking off with their dirty dishes.

"The crème brûlée is so small here. Are you sure it will be enough?" Matthew asked.

Kelly nodded. "I'm full, really. I almost didn't order anything, but I ordered something to be sociable."

"I'm sure you'll feel hungry once you see it in front of you, looking all delicious." Matthew winked and grinned at her. "And, if you're still hungry after eating your dinky little dessert, you may have some of mine."

Kelly smirked. "I'll be fine. I am going to get fat if I eat two desserts!"

"You'd still be beautiful," Matthew told her.

Kelly raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously. "Are you buttering me up for something? Don't worry, I fully intend on sleeping with you when we get home. You don't have to try so hard."

Matthew grinned. "Good to know, but remember what I just said to you."

Kelly nodded. "I know, I know. 'Learn to take a compliment.' Well, thank you. You're incredibly handsome yourself!" She winked at him, a smile playing on her lips again. She felt she was alway smiling with Matthew. She was just so happy with him, she couldn't help it.

Their dessert came before Matthew could respond to that.

"Enjoy!" the waiter said before taking off.

"Thank you!" Kelly said.

Matthew cut off a slice of his chocolate cake, and bit into it. "Mm, this is so good. You should try it!"

Kelly shook her head. "No, I'm good, really. I haven't even dug into my crème brûlée yet."

Matthew cut off another slice of his cake, but didn't eat it yet. He looked past Kelly. "Is that William over there with Chynna?"

Kelly looked over her shoulder. "Where?"

She looked around, but didn't see anyone even slightly resembling William Baldwin and his wife Chynna. "I don't see him."

She turned back around to look at Matthew.

Matthew shrugged. "I guess I'm seeing things." He offered her his bite of cake. "Come on, Kel. Just try one bite. It's so good!"

Kelly sighed. "If I try a bite will you leave me alone about it?"

Matthew nodded. "Cross my heart. Taste it. You're not going to regret it. I promise."

Kelly sighed. "Oh, all right. I don't know how it could possibly be that good." She let Matthew feed her the bite.

Suddenly, she felt something hard within her bite of chocolate cake.

She let out a cry of surprise, and took the hard object out of her mouth, not even caring if it was disgusting to reach into her mouth during dinner.

"What in the world?" she asked. She looked at the object in her hand, then covered her mouth with her free hand. She looked over at Matthew, who was grinning knowingly. "Is this what I think it is?" she asked.

Matthew nodded. He took the diamond ring from her, wet it in his water glass, then dried it off with his cloth napkin. Then, he held it out to her. "We've been dating for three years, and have been friends for going on nine years. I have no doubt in my mind that you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now, I'm not going to get down on one knee, because I don't want to make a scene. No one needs to know about this but us until we're ready for more people to know. Also, in case you say no, I don't want to have made an ass out of myself in front of everybody."

Kelly grinned behind her hand.

"But I really hope you don't say no." He took her free hand in his free hand, and gently squeezed it. "Kelly, will you do me the great pleasure of becoming my wife?"

Kelly had tears in her eyes. She was so happy! She couldn't even speak for a moment, then she found the words. "I didn't think I was ever into marrying again, but now that it's you who is asking me... I want it more than anything else in the world."

"So, that's a yes?" Matthew asked with a smile.

"I want to talk to the kids first—including Aven. I think thy should have a say in it. If they say no, then we're going to both have to think about this. If they say yes, and it's what we all want—both us and them then—then yes! I will be your wife! Nothing would make me happier." She grinned.

Matthew grinned back at her. "Well, I know that it's what you and I both want. I'm sure the kids won't have a problem with it either. So, I'm going to put this ring on your finger with confidence that it won't be coming back off."

Kelly squealed with delight, and held out her left ring finger. "You won't hear me complaining!"

Matthew laughed, then slowly slipped it onto her left ring finger. He held it out to admire it. "It looks so beautiful on you, just as I knew it would. I can hardly wait to make you my wife!" He kissed her hand.

Kelly smiled, then admired the ring herself. "When did you get it?" she asked. It was absolutely beautiful. It had a silver band with a pink square-cut pink diamond in the middle. The pink diamond was outlined with a bunch of mini white diamonds. It was shiny, real, and absolutely breathtaking.

"I got it in San Fran when I was there for my latest lightt meeting last weekend. I was waiting for the perfect time to propose to you. I figured tonight would be perfect," Matthew explained. He grinned. "I hid it in my sock drawer since I knew you wouldn't be going in there."

Kelly grinned. "Well, all I can say is I'm glad that Helena is staying the night at Naama's with Aven, and that Hermés is at Tommy's for the night. This way, I can take you home and show you exactly how much I love you, this ring, and the fact that I'm more than likely going to be your wife!" She kicked off her heel, and slowly ran her stocking foot up his pant leg.

"Let me just pay the bill, and we can be out of here!" Matthew said, taking out his wallet.

"But you didn't even finish your cake yet! Heck, I barely dipped into my crème brûlée," Kelly said with a grin.

Matthew shrugged. "Well, you said yourself you're not even hungry. As for me, well, I'd much rather have you for my dessert than a stupid slice of chocolate cake. I don't care how good it is!"

Kelly giggled. "I'm honored!"

They grinned at each other, then quickly went to work at eating their desserts since they had to wait for the waiter to come take Matthew's credit card anyway.

Even so, as soon as their dinner and dessert were paid for, they both intended on getting the heck out of there, and heading straight back to their bedroom at home.

Cause nobody gets me, nobody gets me, nobody gets me like you.

Everyone left me, everyone left me, everyone left me but you.

Two weekends later, they stood in the courthouse. Having both been married before, neither of them felt like having a big wedding. Also they didn't want the media getting wind of it before they had a chance to actually enjoy being married. So, they decided to elope. They knew the perfect place to marry.

They decided to marry at Matthew's rehab center. It may have sounded unromantic, and even a little bit crazy to most people, but to them, it was perfect. The little chapel in the rehab center had a minister, who already knew both Matthew and Kelly from when Matthew was in rehab. It was private, and away from all media. The main reason was, it held sentimental value to both Matthew and Kelly. After all, it was where Matthew had gotten himself the help he needed, which in turn, led Kelly back to him. Both he and Kelly both agreed that it was the perfect place for them to get married. Of course, the kids had all been happy when Kelly and Matthew had asked them the day after Matthew had proposed how they would feel about them getting married.

"Whatever makes you, happy, Mom. I know_ I'd_ be happy to have Matthew as another dad!" Hermés had said smartly.

The girls were happy that this would mean they'd be sisters.

"It would also mean I'd be your stepmother. Would that be okay?" Kelly had asked Aven.

Aven had smiled so sweetly. "Of course it would, Kelly! I love you!"

Kelly had swooped Aven into her arms, and showered her with kisses. "I love you too, my sweet Angel."

Aven had hugged Kelly tightly, then gave her a kiss on the cheek with a loud, "Muah!"

"And you can be my second daddy! I get to have two daddies because I'm special!" Helena had said to Matthew.

Matthew had grinned, and picked her up. "Indeed you are, Princess!" He twirled her around in the air, causing her to giggle.

"I'm going to like having you as my daddy, Matthew!" she had said.

Matthew grinned at her. "And I'm going to love having you as my daughter!"

It had made Kelly's heart melt, and she knew then that she was Matthew's forever. She didn't want it any other way.

Now, as she stood at the alter with her father, mother, brother, sisters, children, and GG family as witness, and Matthew by her side, she knew she had all she'd ever need.

Matthew had his immediate family, who were surprisingly able to all make it. He also had some of his rehab friends, including Jack, who stood as his best man. Kelly's mother was her matron of honor.

It wasn't a long, drawn out ceremony like a regular wedding would be. However, Matthew did sing a song for Kelly that he had written for her. It was called "The Love of My Life."

"_You are the love of my life, and I know not a day will go by that I don't thank God for making you my wife. You are the love of my life, and I know not a day will go by that I regret making you my wife."_

Kelly had cried, but smiled at Matthew, assuring him they were tears of joy. "I love you," she murmured when he finished the song.

"And I love you," he told her.

They then lit a candle together before exchanging their personal vows.

Matthew was up first.

"I know I shouldn't be admitting this since I was married at the time, but, from the first day I was introduced to you, I was attracted to you. I thought, thank God, she's beautiful. It will be easier to kiss her when the script calls for it," he began.

Kelly grinned.

Matthew smiled, then continued. "The more I worked with you, the more your inner beauty showed through, which made you even more beautiful than you already are on the outside. Over the years, my attraction for you only grew. Sure, I dated others, but it was always you that I truly wanted. The timing just never seemed to be right, then I was going through the early mid-life crisis. Then I had my drinking problem. And of course I was afraid that if I were to take a chance with you, I'd only end up hurting you, or that you'd end up not even liking me anymore. The thought of living without you was just too big of a risk to take. But when you helped me through my problem... When you saw I had a problem and you got me through it... When you stood by me no matter how hard things got, I couldn't deny my feelings for you anymore. No other woman has ever stood by me, or loved me the way you did and do. For that, I will be grateful to you for the rest of my life. I plan on spending the rest of my life returning the favor, and showing you exactly how much I love you. I'm going to love you the way you deserve to be loved, and then some."

Kelly stroked his right cheek, wanting to kiss him now, but knowing it was proper to wait until they were pronounced husband and wife.

When prompted, she spoke her own vows to him. "You weren't the only one smitten at our first meeting. When I first met you, and saw how handsome and charming you were, I couldn't help but think that I hoped we had a _lot_ of kissing scenes."

Matthew grinned.

"It didn't take long for me to think of you as a friend, then a good friend, then a close friend. Now, now that I've really gotten to know you on so many levels, you've become my _best_ friend. You make me happier than I've been with any other man, and trust me—there's been a lot!" Kelly blushed, then turned to the pastor. "Not that I slept around or anything. I just fell in love a lot."

The pastor gave her a slight smile an a wink.

She blushed, a little embarrassed, then turned back to Matthew to continue her vows. "Anyway, you're the only one who I really felt truly loved me in return. The others sure I felt they loved me, but their love was always fleeting. With you, I know your love is here to stay. I can just feel it! I feel such a strong, personal connection with you, and to be honest, I've never felt as deeply in love with anyone as I feel with you." She stroked Matthew's right cheek again. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me, and loving you as much as I know you love me. I promise not a day will go by that you won't see and feel all the love I have for you. After all, I have more than a lifetime's worth of love for you."

Matthew smiled. "Back at you, my Love."

The minister requested they exchange rings then.

Hermés, who was the ring bearer (Aven and Helena were the flower girls), handed Matthew the first ring then.

After Matthew repeated after the pastor with, "With this ring, I thee wed," and slid the ring on Kelly's left ring finger, Hermés gave Kelly the other ring.

"With this ring, I thee wed," she said, upon the pastor's prompt.

Kelly then slid the ring on Matthew's left ring finger.

"By the power's vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," the pastor then pronounced.

Matthew and Kelly both grinned, then they kissed softly, and sweetly.

Everyone clapped and cheered for them.

Kelly sighed with contentment. Her dream had come true. She was finally Mrs. Matthew Settle.

"I now present to you, Mr. And Mrs. Matthew Settle!" the pastor then said to the witnesses, as if reading her thoughts.

Matthew and Kelly took hands, and bowed for their family in friends, all of whom were cheering and clapping even louder now.

"This is the best day of my life, aside from the day Aven was born," Matthew murmured in her ear. "And the day I met you. Oh, and the day you agreed to marry me."

Kelly grinned. "Right back at you, my Darling."

Matthew's eyes lowered with love for her, then they kissed as the cheers and applause around them continued.

They then headed out hand-in-hand to the garden, where there reception was to be held.

Kelly felt like she was walking on air, and she could tell by the smile on Matthew's face, and the look in his eyes that he was feeling exactly the same way.

And you're the only one, the only one, the only who gets through.

And when my hope is gone, I'm feeling numb, the only one I let though is you.

You... You get me through.

You... You can get me through this cruel cruel world.

This cruel cruel world.

The reception had been a blast. There was dancing, and eating, and Matthew even pushed Kelly on the swing in her wedding dress. It made for some pretty beautiful wedding pictures. They also posed by the fountain together. Of course, they also got a family shot with their children.

They had their first dance and husband and wife to Taylor Swift's "Enchanted."

It was the perfect day.

Then came their honeymoon. They had flown out to The Cayman Islands that night.

It wasn't that late when they got there, but they only had one thing on their minds, and that was each other.

They set their bags down, and admired their hotel room.

"It's really nice," Kelly said, loving the balcony that overlooked he beach. They had a suite, complete with one bedroom, a full bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. They even had a washer and drier in the oversized closet in the hallway.

"I guess it's good it's nice since I plan on spending a lot of time in here with you," Matthew murmured, coming up behind her, and wrapping his arms around her. He kissed the side of her neck.

She smiled. "The bed looks pretty comfortable. Do you think it is?"

"Mm, there's only one way to find out," he murmured against her neck.

She moaned. "I bought something special to wear tonight. Shall I get into it first?"

"You know I'm just going to be taking it right back off you. I love you, but if you want to take the time..." Matthew trailed off.

"You know what? It can wait. After all, it's like you said, you'll be taking it off me anyway." She turned around, and brushed her lips against his right ear. "And frankly, I really don't want to wait that long to have you inside me."

His eyes lowered with lust and desire for her. He picked her up, and carried her to the bed. They undressed each other without words. They kissed each other passionately, but lovingly.

"I love you so much. I'm so lucky to have you as my wife," he told her as he gently stroked her hair.

"And I'm lucky to have you as my husband. You're a dream come true," she said, stroking his hair in return.

"And you're _my_ dream come true," he murmured.

"Make love to me, Matthew, please?" Kelly asked. She already knew his response, but she always loved to hear it.

"You know you never have to beg," he told her.

She grinned, and then they kissed as he held her close, and made love to her.

It was more perfect than any other time they made love, and Kelly had never felt more loved in her entire life. Finally, she thought. Things were going her way, and she could finally live the happy life she had always dreamed of living.

Cause you're the only one, the only one, the only one who gets through.

And when my hope is gone, I'm feeling numb, the only one I let through is you, is you.

You, you get me through.

You...

_25 years later..._

"To us!" Matthew toasted at their twenty-five-year anniversary party.

Kelly clinked her glass with his.

They linked arms, and drank down their nonalcoholic Champaign.

"To another twenty-five years!" Kelly then added.

"Mm, another twenty-five glorious years, and then when we die, we can spend all eternity together," Matthew said.

Kelly grinned. "Mm, yes! What do you say we get out of here? I want to go back home and make love to my sexy husband."

Matthew raised an eyebrow. "Will we have time? We catch our flight to Hawaii in three hours."

"If we leave now, we can still have time to have a little fun." Kelly kissed down his neck. "Unless you'd rather wait until we're either in a cramped airplane bathroom, or we're in Hawaii?"

Matthew set down his glass, and took her hand. "Let's go."

They grinned at each other.

They stood up, then Matthew picked Kelly up, and carried her off.

Kelly giggled, and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "We didn't even say goodbye to our guests!"

"Screw it!" he said. "No time!"

She grinned. "I love you."

His eyes lowered with love for her. "And I love you. Always. I thank God every day for you."

"And I, thank God every day for you," she said.

"I've never been so happy as I am with you," he told her.

"And I've never been as happy as I am when I'm with _you_," she stated.

They kissed some more. More content than most two people in love could ever dream of being, and they both knew that was the way it was always going to stay.

You can get me through this cruel cruel world.

This cruel cruel world...

**Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for reviewing this story, and all my other stories. I'm really depressed right now, seeing as Gossip Girl is ending, and I don't know if we'll see Matt and Kelly in anything together anymore. I'll probably write other stories, but this is my last story with Matthew and Kelly still filming. If I write another one, they will be done filming for good. Sad, isn't it? Well, thanks again guys. Hopefully I'll still see you around if I chose to write again. Matly for life! 3**

**Xoxo- Judy**


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